Yadah Thoughts

A Different Kind of Easter

2010-04-03T19:31:00.002-06:00

All day I've been trying to figure out what was different about today. Was something wrong? Is this good or not so good? Easter is usually a very busy time. Of course with the changes in my life, things are different. (I actually was able to play the piano for almost an hour this past week. Did not realize how much I missed it after not playing for the better part of four years.)

Church was wonderfully simple. I'm sure many people were involved behind the scenes, but it didn't look complicated. Churches sometimes create big productions, but this song probably made the whole evening. I went to church feeling a little sad and came away singing this song. I am richer in my spirit.

"There's an anchor for my soul . .I can say all is well
Jesus has overcome
and the grave is overwhelmed
Victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagle's wing
Before my God, fall on my knees
And rise, I will rise, I will rise.

Worthy is the Lamb!"
by Chris Tomlin

I want to keep this richness and never let it get away from me again.

Almost There . . .

2009-12-31T07:53:00.002-07:00

As I look at the end of this year, I realize I am well on my way through a process of change that began in 2005. During that time I was challenged by a thing someone called "Holy Discontent". It rattled my thinking and I've not been the same since. I sensed it would be a 5 year process in which I would emerge in a whole difference space. Four years into this process, it is happening. Who would have ever guessed I'd finish another degree in college and be teaching 4th graders? So painful at the beginning, I am much more healed now. I'm thankful . . .

Thinking for a Change - What does that mean?

2009-12-27T18:51:00.002-07:00

Just picked up a book by John Maxwell. Previously I've used his books as motivational materials for my own business. I always grew when engaging his principles. Not always sure I did them as coming from my own heart as much as just believed they worked for other people so they should work for me.

At this time in my life, I'm less about rotely doing what someone else does and more about seeing if certain ideas/techniques are something I can buy into for my own growth. True to his style, Maxwell gives 11 ways to be a better thinker. Honestly, when I read the title, I wondered what it meant.

Thinking for a Change

What do you think that title means?

Trying to Explain a Foundational Shift of Thinking

2008-02-19T15:25:00.007-07:00

Have you ever felt like you had something to offer that, if honestly considered, might change a whole thought process? It's a change of mindset . . . a different approach or systemic change.

Sometimes people want changes to fit along an already existing linear path. What if the different process fits in a different dimension parallel to the existing linear path? This process is not another "tick" along the line to be "accomplished" and then gone past. This process becomes the foundational source from which life is lived.

I'm talking about "mission". People have long asked "What am I here for?" I believe buried deep in the heart of every human is a desire to fulfill mission. Living in that place where significance is experienced. Every socioeconomic slice of humankind is willing to go beyond the "easy" when there will be a sense of value in the doing. How does that "sweet spot" come to experience? I think there is a simple process to help unearth those divinely embedded passions. The process may be simple; the wrestling with the process is not. When the wrestling is done, the product is a mission statement that gives purpose and joy in the reciting. The more it's expressed, the more it is owned by the speaker. The more it is owned, the more it is embraced. The more it is embraced, the more clear is the desire to clean away anything that does not flow through it with clarity and passion.

Consider . . .
My mission is to inspire, nurture and release creative purpose in myself and others so that we all my life to the full measure of our creation.

yep . . . I can imagine living my life for Christ fulfilling this mission!

What About This Holy Discontent?

2008-01-20T14:50:00.000-07:00

In reading Bill Hybel's book, "Holy Discontent", I find I am trying to narrow down that change place where I want to make a difference. I thought it could be through the church I attend; I am not sure though. I do know that my personal mission statement "includes inspiring, nurturing and releasing creative purpose in myself and others" - the purpose being so we may live to the full measure of our creation.

After reading REVEAL, a monograph by some Willow Creek people, it seems there is a need to coach/mentor people who have followed Christ for awhile but seemed stalled. That's one of those situations in life where I absolutely do NOT believe we have to "just live with it". Yikes!

Two years ago, I chose a completely different way to think. I was told I was wrong, not going to be a "fit" and leaving my entire ministry behind. Any of those could be correct, but at that point, I could not continue where I was going. I knew I would die inside. Now, two years later, I'm about to graduate from university, have finished my coaching certification and still believe that God has ministry for me. I think I just trying to figure out how to live my passion daily. I might be making it harder than it needs to be. It could be I want it to look differently than it is at this moment.

What I Would DO for Enstrom's Candy . . .

2008-01-10T17:36:00.000-07:00

Ok . . . I 'm pathetic, I know . .BUT . . . one of the blogs in our local online newpaper is written in tandom by three women who work at the newspaper. Their stories are great; something I check while supper is cooking each evening. At this point, I'm thinking I won't qualify for a "vote" in the contest for some Enstrom's Candy (oh man . .like nothing you've ever had before!).

This is my "tip" for keeping milk from flying all over the car on the way home from the grocery store. You like?

(If you're one of the Haute Mamas, seeeee?? I linked you!)

Thanks on this Day

2007-11-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

I'm sipping Raspberry Cocoa by my woodstove as the flames lick the wood releasing warmth to our chilly house. Being the first cold morning (19F) of the season, I awoke at 5:30am to get the fire going. I'm by myself with my thoughts.

Having not blogged for over eight months, the time has come to get back to it. I'm inspired by my pastor as he began a blog several weeks ago. Another woman I just met last night also had a blog. As she and I chatted, I realized I now have time (and a bit of desire) to step back into blogging again. For a couple of years now my daily reading has included touching base with about 30 different blogs. Some of those bloggers post every day; some only once a week or so. A good blog feeder and coffee make good reading.

Why get back to it now? For the last year and a half my evenings have been full of college work. Writing three to five papers a week throughout my various courses seemed to dull my desire to write - not to mention the time factor. Two classes away from my May 10th graduation date, it seems now there is more time for writing in my life. So much really has happened in these last months. Those details might be for other blogs - or not.

Today though, enjoying the last of my cocoa with the crackling fire behind me, I am thankful for my Father's love for me. In these quite moments before the rest of the family awakens and we start cooking for our family Thanksgiving Dinner together, it is an awareness of the peace in my heart that seems to loom large in my thinking.

Thank You Father for this peace . . .

A Year Later . . .A Little Clearer

2007-03-16T18:38:00.000-06:00

A year ago, March 28, 2006 I started back to school. I wrote about my thoughts that day. I'm humbled by the events of this year. 2006 was really eventful for us. Upon this writing, it does feel like my passions and my future might be lining up a bit more. Maybe by the end of this year, much like this window will become unobstructed when squeeged, my vision will also become more clear.

It looks like it could be Spring of 2008 before I gradutate. It seems that grants and scholarships are not awarded for summer schooling. The classes cost the same and the work load is ever as challenging, but I can only seem to get grants and scholarships for Fall and Spring semesters. The Summer semester class schedule isn't out yet, so I am not sure what I will be taking. There is some loan money for the Summer semester.

One of the most special parts of this year has been the chance to meet so many people I previously did not know. There are so many unique people around me. Whether it's church or work or school, the vast plethora of people have such a desire to live their lives. There are some really neat people surrounding me these days. For having lived in this city for over twenty five years, my sphere of influence was very very small. I knew I needed to broaded my horizons; I just didn't realize how much!

So, I just keep asking the Lord to help me be focused on the days ahead. I need His clear direction for balance, productivity and fulfilment in my life. I want my latter years to be greater than my former. (That has been spoken to me prophetically as well.) If the past year is any indication, this year will continue to make defining marks on me.

Deleting is a Mouseclick Away

2007-02-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

After a year of no posts on one of my blogs, it was time to delete it from my blog list. The only challenge was that it was a record of the two previous years. Probably very few people ever saw it, but it recorded the happenings of some significant changes in a church. Gone . . . with a click of the mouse.

"Nope, we don't want it, " was the leader's reply. Didn't have a clue of what was on it, but sometimes that's what happens with changes. The past is forgotten; the hidden things remain hidden. My heart smiles though, because I know God has not forgotten.

He remembers the hours of labor and sweat. He remembers the tedious way decisionmakers toiled to make the best selections. He smiles recalling members of the greater Body of Christ came to invest their time and talents into various projects. The work would have never been completed without those precious laborers; intergenerational workers came to bless. He continues to grow them and encourage them.

Thank you, Father, for all who touched those several years. May we always remember what teamwork looked like and how a job well done felt.

If I Just Had Time

2007-02-14T06:15:00.000-07:00

In reading the chapter about procrastination, I found myself getting just a little tense. Thoughts ran through my brain like "whoever wrote this must not have family, friends, church, dirty dishes, pets, a house and yard, a car to keep up, school, assignments, kids who need rides, etc, etc." Well? Am I too whiny?

I once heard someone say I would have enough time in each day to do what God was directing me to do. What do you think about that statement? If I don't get things done, am I over committed? Or just procrastinating?

Among our group, there are those of you who really aren't pressed for time and can have a sense of only doing what you want to do. You're probably retired and have earned that position! Now, for the rest of us . . . I've often said I feel like the guy who has to keep 12 plates spinning all at one time. You ever felt that way?

It's likely I'm "avoiding" because it doesn't feel like I can complete all I need to do. Ever heard of the Tyranny of the Urgent? Sometimes the peace of God that passes all understanding gets squeezed out by "emergencies". What is your experience and how are you living in peace without procrastination?

Catching Up

2007-02-11T11:58:00.000-07:00

The New Year slipped in and lost a month before I turned around!

After enjoying about five weeks of holiday break, I got back to college classes. Human Resource Management I wasn't all that hard. Our professor works locally as an IT manager for our county. His real life stories have been helpful for me to connect with the whole idea of human resources. I appreciate his down-to-earth thinking in daily work. I can see he has a very real faith in God that filters through his life. Tomorrow night will begin a second class with him. From the reading I've gleaned so far, I can see that I will really enjoy this second part of Human Resource Management.

The other course I am will finish after this week is Life Span and Development. Looking at every age group through the lenses of 1) biosocial, 2) cognitive and 3) psychosocial development has been interesting. I have a four hour exam to take on Friday to see just how much of all of this I have learned. Have to let you know on that one . . .

My husband will go for another bone scan on Tuesday. The oncologists are looking for anything that might be showing up different than the May '06 and Nov '06 scans previously done. He is taking good care of himself and working every day. That's a good thing, I think.

Still feeling this urgency to keep on this time line, my graduation hopefully will happen at the end of '07. There is so much to learn. After 25 years in one area of work, I wonder what I'm going to read this year or who I will meet that will nudge me toward my next area of work. Mysteries are not all that fun for me - particularly if I am in the middle of it!

My small group is my connection for discussion these days. Laurie Beth Jones wrote Jesus Life Coach. Killing some time at Barnes and Noble one night, this book jumped right off the shelf at me. You've had that happen, right? I bought it and started to read it. Then I realized I needed someone to walk with me through this book. About that time, the Small Groups people at my church were encouraging me to start a small group. I mentioned this book. They said, "Put a table up at the Small Groups Rally and see who is interested." I did; thirty women signed up to connect in one way or another. About a dozen find their way to our weekly gathering at a local Christian bookstore. Watching the hits on the site tells me there are more of the group who connect via the blog. There are teachers and other professional women who can't get away during the day, but they are following along with the book and the blog. It's interesting; God knows who He is touching through this endeavor!

Taking A Look - Back and Forward

2006-12-29T13:58:00.000-07:00

2006

Never would I have imagined

that so much would change

during this past year

in so many ways.

So many words to describe the year:

frustration

impatience

weariness

anticipation

failure

not a fit

framer

oldest son leaving home

middle son starting to work

husband's cancer

major operation

recovery . . . still

seismic shift

lonely

worship

fellowship of His suffering

loss of friends

stretching

weekly writing assignments

mental challenges

B in Math

Pell Grant

Saccammano Scholarship

longing for significance

learning to rest

waiting

not in control

new job

steep learning curve

new world of acquaintances

3.912 GPA

Christmas traditions

family

great musical Christmas weekend

longing for better focus

praying for His will in 2007

Leading Up to Christmas

2006-12-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

Those waiting in darkness

have seen a great light!

I am singing in a Christmas choir at a church that has previously never had a choir. Why in the world would I be doing this? Honestly, I'm not sure. There are about 80 other folks who are involved in the choir as well. It's a Celebration of Joy for Christmas weekend. We will sing for four services next weekend. I think we'll have it right by Sunday noon!

Our son is coming home for Christmas! How fun is that! (a LOT!) He is driving a rental car. We feel better knowing he will be doing that rather than try to drive his own vehicle. Never know if something might go wrong. The rental car people would take care of him if something does happen. It will be fun to have him around for a few days!

Over the weekend we attended the wedding of one of our young relatives. It was a beautiful event with all the fun and wonder of a wedding. It was a sweet sort of gathering in that we saw many people we haven't been in contact with for awhile. Sometimes I just don't know how to "be" around all the variety of people I know. Of course, I know I'm just supposed to be "ME", but I've worn so many "hats" over the years that I'm not sure which one I'm wearing at this moment. Hmmm . . . it could be that I am wearing a hat that the older acquaintances haven't seen and the newer ones only know me in. (If that makes an ounce of sense . . .)

Last night was the first office Christmas party I've attended in a long time. Actually, I can't remember the last party like that. It was good for us to go though, because we met spouses/significant others of co-workers. We laughed and enjoy great food.

We had just come from our usual Saturday night church event where we met an old friend. She is trying to find a place to worship. I'm not sure this is where she will want to be, but she will sort that out.

I completed my Business Law class. I was pretty worried about a 200 point (out of the total 575 points for the course) final exam. Turns out that I earned 192 out of 200 points. That's pretty ok I guess. My prof emailed me saying I had a 98% in the class. Hopefully I will come out of this Fall semester with near a 3.9 GPA. We'll see.

This next week before Christmas has me out of the house 4 of 5 nights. Three of those are rehearsals. I chuckled at the last minute blaze of rehearsals. We're doing something very new for this church, so it will be fun to be part of these "firsts".

Not Sure How to Do this Holiday Season

2006-11-11T08:05:00.000-07:00

This Christmas will be unlike those we've experienced in about 20 years. Typically, we were involved in church things up until the moment we put away the musical instruments on Christmas Eve. Of course, in between Christmas and New Year's Eve, we took down the Christmas decorations at church. Working at a retail store for the last four Christmases basically burned me out. I saw enough Christmas stuff to do me for years - starting each August.

This year is different. I am not working in retail anymore (YAY!). The church I attend has people who do all the decorating. Between Thanksgiving and the first Sunday of Advent, the whole place transforms. It's beautiful. The trees lining the street to the church are all lite. The lobby has great decorations. The lighting in the sanctuary is seasonal. There is a Memorial Service for folks who have lost loved ones in the past year. All of this is great; I'm just not in the middle of any of the planning or doing of it.

So . . . how shall we do this holiday season? I'd like to make it really meaningful. I'm just not sure what that looks like. I'm beginning to think I really have to rethink this whole season. I don't know that we've been over commercial in the past; we just didn't have the money for that. I'm just in the thinking process. More to come . . .

The Leaves are Gone

2006-11-10T12:18:00.000-07:00

The last month I would have liked to have been in this little cabin watching the snow come and melt again. Alas though, I was in PA for a week, then home for work, school and company. I have missed the Fall colors, but they were lovely in PA. There are very lovely in Colorado as well.

Just a week ago, I was in Colorado Springs at New Life Church. It was a great service of worship and Pastor Ted Haggard teaching. There was some political discussion which seems to have stirred up a mess. That next week, the story was broken by a Denver TV station of a gay male escort who said Pastor Ted often used his services. The man accused Pastor Ted of buying methanphetamines as well. The shock of this news rippled throughout evangelicalism. I was pretty sad about the whole situation. Pastor Ted confessed and was was removed. He is now going through a long term kind of repentance and restoration time. I don't know what his future holds, but I am praying for both Ted, his wife, Gayle, and their children.

So, while I would really like to be holed up in this nice little cabin, I understand that I need to be active in my world. Being very aware that right at this moment I don't have any real accountability, I am challenged by what is now wafting through the evangelical waves of thought. I have written a couple of the pastors on staff at my church. I encouraged them to be sure to be accountable. I don't know that my thinking matters much, but I really do love them and want them to be in accountability to someone who can speak very truthfully to them. They are so vulnerable to attack. I'm continuing to pray for them.

So . . . I will try to get back to writing. This Christmas season is going to be so very different for me. I'm looking forward to this year. More to come . . .

The First Day of Fall?

2006-09-23T08:32:00.000-06:00

Believe it or not, this is what it looks like in the Colorado Rockies today!

It's official - today's the first day of Fall. Tomorrow is Color Sunday. Many people pile in vehicles to travel through the Colorado Rocky Mountains to view the beautiful colors turning from the green of Summer to the varied offerings of Fall.

At the moment, there is no sun shining. Ominous clouds have settled in for several days. Rain pours from the clouds reminding me of my plans to clear the weeds out of the backyard. Oh shucks! Won't being doing that job today!

My most likely house job today will be clearing off the woodstove. Because it sits in the center of our living room, the woodstove becomes a place for vases and candle decorations throughout the summer. Can't have those on the surface of a hot stove, so I need to get them moved elsewhere. At least the wood pile in the house is dry. I'm quietly thanking my son for filling the wood holder last Spring.

Several of my friends are at retreats this weekend. They will be traveling Interstate 70 through the mountains. Later this evening, I'll be checking with them to see if they are home safely yet. Others will be coming home midday Sunday. That just seems like a safer time to travel.

Hmmm . . . my Cowboy Coffee Cake is hot out of the oven. The butter is waiting to melt on the hot coffee cake. Yum . . . it's going to be a good day!

Thoughts From a Brisk Sunday Morning

2006-09-17T10:10:00.000-06:00

We snuggled a little deeper into the down comforter this morning as the temperature dipped to 31 degrees. Brrr! Oh how I love this time of the year! (No, really, I do!)

During these weeks between posts, I've been feverishly trying to learn a job position for which I had no previous experience. Oh, yeah, I can talk to customers on the phone and diffuse a bit of their frustration. Also, I'm not afraid to squirrel around the business computer system; I've been told there is nothing I can do to hurt it. We'll see . . .

Some might call me morbid, but we sat in front of CNN's free Pipeline e-cast of the real time morning newscast of 9/11 this past week. My kids are older teens now. I want them to have those pictures clearly in their heads. They remembered some of it from five years ago, but they have a much better perspective today. Having been grade school aged when John Kennedy was shot, see some of those old black and white films of that time reminds me what an impact it had on my life. Important things should not be forgotten.

Back to the brisk Sunday morning . . . Because I go to church on Saturday night, my family has the opportunity to enjoy a leisurely Sunday. Since studying the idea of "sabbath" for awhile, some of my preconceived ideas are being challenged - within myself mostly. There is a refilling of sorts that occurs when I set aside a day to 1) remember the works of God in my life during the past week, 2) be with family and 3) do refreshing things that aren't done during the rest of the week. (The key here is refreshing, not the backlog of pressing stuff that nags at me.) This all starts in motion each week for me begins as we go to church on Saturday night. It's almost like starting the sabbath on Saturday night and concluding it Sunday night. I might have to write more about that sometime.

Coffee is especially yummy this brisk Sunday morning. Not having to be any place at any specific time makes sipping my coffee especially nice. Tomorrow will be faster paced as work schedules demand leaving the house at 6:30 am. But, today, reflection and renewing is the course of action.

New Job Adventures

2006-09-02T09:54:00.000-06:00

This past week was the beginning of a new job for me. While at the beginning I knew nothing about the product or company, it seems I am learning more moment by moment. The people at the office are kind and encouraging.

I work with a lady who puts in long hours and works very hard. She is a good teacher but had little time to train this week because of month end bookwork. Toward the end of the week, we had more time to look at paperwork. She has been very helpful.

This coming week, a trainer will come to our office to give me more training. My desk will have been moved into a different space and I will be working to organize my desk before she comes. I imagine that I already know some about the daily operations of the office, but I'm sure she will "connect the dots" better for me.

To my utter surprise, the other lady in my office informed me that I would be paid for Monday, Labor Day. I reminded her that I am only part time. She assured me that she had been paid as a part time person so she couldn't imagine why I wouldn't as well.

On this Saturday of Labor Day weekend, I will have to work nine hours today at my old place of employment. I offered to do that because some time ago I traded a Saturday with another lady. The employer wanted me to work today. I think I will be really glad when this day is over!

On Monday, I will take my husband to work; he usually works these holidays for the great extra pay. My daughter and I will find something fun to do, I'm sure. I think I could get used to this in no time at all!

A Few Weeks Later

2006-08-23T06:12:00.000-06:00

Wow! Times flies around here. Between school assignments, long work hours and family adventures, this blog has suffered from lack of attention.

Here are a few excerpts from the month of August:

My husband had a second bone scan; there's not been any growth of the cancer since the last scan in May of this year.
I have completed 19 credits of college since May of this year.
Our family enjoyed serving pastors and church leaders during The Leadership Summit sponsored by Canyonview Vineyard Church.
I worked more hours per week at my job than I have any other weeks during my four years of employment there.
During the Summit, I interviewed for another job which pays 1/2 again as much as the place of my current employment.
Starting the last week of August, I will be changing employment to go to the place at which I interviewed. = ) (Interesting fact: 25 hrs at the new job = 39 hrs at the old job.)
My daughter is ready to start schooling the last week of August.
My husband has met and will continue to meet with oncology docs in our town. It is possible that he will qualify for some trials re: the kind of cancer he has.
My middle son is working at a regular schedule and seems to be thriving.
I am sensing the Presence of God in all of this and find that I have these little "moments" with Him throughout the day.

There are many "thank you God" things happening, wouldn't you say? My daughter and I are working out a schedule between her schooling and my work. We're expecting a great school and work year.

25 Years Ago Today

2006-08-06T20:46:00.000-06:00

Our firstborn was born 25 years ago today. He is away from home now but hopefully serving God still. He is learning more about what he's made of and how he can do more than he ever thought he could do. I know he's not perfect, but I'm proud like crazy of him. Happy birthday, son!

If You Say Go

2006-07-31T08:23:00.000-06:00

A song we sang in church this week end meant so much to me that I came home and found it on the web. It's a song written by Diane Thiel. It's called If You Say Go.

If you say go we will go

If you say wait, we will wait

If you say step out on the water

And they say it can’t be done

We’ll fix our eyes on you and we will come

Chorus:

Your ways are higher than our ways

And the plans that You have laid

Are good and true

If You called us to the fire

You will not withdraw Your hand

We’ll gaze into the flames and look for You

Spending or Being Spent?

2006-07-31T07:28:00.000-06:00

Sunday in church, I was reminded again of a phrase that I heard a long time ago in youth ministry. I remember challenging my students with the idea of "being spent" rather than "spending" so much. They would be looking at cars, movies, concerts, etc. trying to decide how the little bit of money they had could be "spent". It was an interesting time trying to retrain thinking that was solidly reinforced by television, radio and peers. Way back then, there wasn't instant messaging or even text messaging to consider either.

Pastor Dan reminded us again that our lives are not our own if we truly want to be a follower of Christ. We've been in a series entitled "Can We TALK?" A delimma happens in the heart of the believer in Christ. We want to become more holy - separated from sin in our world- yet we want to invite the world to join us in the journey with Christ. How do you do both?

Oh, I know there are lots of models out there for how it's being done. The God directed ones are very fruitful. I am reminded that "by their fruit you will know them". I have made all kinds of excuses in my past when there is no "fruit" in what I have been doing. When all the rhetoric is sliced away, it's still about the "fruit". I think that's why churches in general struggle with goals and accountability. God might honestly be directing, but to find the right model to implement that direction might take more than one shot. Somehow, it seems like admiting one model is not bearing fruit and considering another model to see if it might bear fruit is not "spiritual". Bleah! What is that all about?

Back to Sunday's sermon . . . Pastor Dan confessed that he is trying to find that place where the church is serious about being a "church to the unchurched" yet finds the clarity to disciple in deeper ways those that are following Christ. It's certainly not that we don't have a bunch of serving opportunites through the evangelism arm of the church. Recently our church helped do a Home Makeover for a gramma who was taking in grandkids whose parents were drug users. That was a huge task, but over 160 volunteers found themselves entrenched in something meaningful and rewarding. They were being spent. In addition to small groups galore, there are a variety of training classes on Wednesday nights. Seasonally, there are training classes for teachers, counselors, etc. It's not like the church is sitting around being eye candy for the community.

So? Why is this series impacting me so much? It's making me ask, "What can I do?" I know that would encourage my pastor. He reminded me of something I read awhile back. The idea was about not just living for success but living for significance. I am learning that in the hiearchy of needs there is this place of "self actualization". Self-actualization is the instinctual need of humans to make the most of their unique abilities and to strive to be the best they can be.
For a follower of Christ, this is about discovering and understanding how God has created you; your giftings and passions are able to be lived out with abandon.

I made a decision one year ago to make a huge shift in my life. I believe it was a God directed move. It has not been easy nor has it gone the way that I thought it might. That's ok. Learning to wait has not been a forte of mine over the years. It seems that this is my time to learn to wait. I believe that I am to keep my eyes and ears open to what the Spirit of the Lord is saying to me. It's not that I am not doing something while I wait; I'm going to college, working, dealing with cancer in the family and homeschooling. I just know though, that there is that place of being spent that I have not found yet. I still think it will become my work and my college training will mesh with it as well. It feels like I have so much to give and I want to be spent meaningfully. I guess I will see in the days ahead how this will find real life application.

Certified Framer

2006-07-23T19:13:00.000-06:00

My company trained me and certified me to be a picture framer. That should keep me out of trouble, eh?

This picture is a Google image, but sometimes I feel like I'm slaving over a picture about as hard. It's all about the details!

I'm excited to have my certification framed and on the wall with my co-workers. We're a team now!

Adventures in the Mountains

2006-07-23T18:43:00.000-06:00

This cute little guy jumped right up in front of my daughter to pose. She almost dropped the camera in surprise, but had enough reflexes to snap the pic.

These fellas were on a ledge from which they could look down . . . about 10,000 feet!

This little guy was posing for more treats! He had some unusual coloring. He was very friendly though.

A Sunday Evening in the Mountains

2006-07-19T06:59:00.000-06:00

Finishing my Ethics class was a blast! My professor read quickly over it before my last class and said it looked good. Yeah!

This week begins two more classes in this endeavor to finish my BA in Organizational Management. "Early Christian Literature" is on Wednesday night and "Leadership and Management" is on Friday night. I've had a NT Survey class much like the Wednesday class. I'm not expecting that to be too hard. The Leadership class is of great interest to me, so I want to glean as much from it for "real life" tools to use. I know I am in this time of significant shift in my life.

Our family took a trip to our nearby Grand Mesa last Sunday. We packed a picnic lunch and headed for the hills. We picked up a friend in a small town on the way. The flowers were beautiful. The weather was sunny, yet cool. It was a great evening as we watched the sun set over the Grand Valley. My daughter took some great pictures. There are several fires in our area, so the smoke across the valley was very visible. Still, it made for some great sunset shots.

The World from My View

2006-07-05T06:55:00.000-06:00

What does this picture say to a person looking at it? It's the old question - "What do you see?"

I am trying to articulate my world view for a university class. I thought my views were fairly clear by now considering my age. My professor (and my reading) have rather shaken that notion though. Having your views "shaken" is not a bad thing. I'm not forsaking my convictions, yet I am really having to rethink what I really do believe. That's a good thing!

I don't think I'm as cut and dried in my views as I once was. I suspect that some would consider me wishy washy or mushy in my thinking. What happened to that "have an answer for every question" kind of thinking? After all, wasn't I taught to be able to "fix" every problem and leave people with answers rather than more questions? What ever happened to life fitting nice and neatly in 10 easy steps?

My pastor's sermon this past Sunday was a reminder that sometimes our neat little answers aren't anything that we'd want to hear if we were on the questioning side of things. One point he stressed was that wherever Jesus went and whatever He did, He started discussions. He was often found in conversation with people. My take on that idea was that He was always trying to convince others that He was right and they were wrong. Is that really how He worked? The people He was continually scolding about right and wrong were religious people. Ever notice that?

I wonder if I'm as clear about my own judgementalism and sin as I am about others' actions who don't serve Christ?

Our Summer Happenings at the Moment

2006-07-01T06:59:00.000-06:00

My daughter went on a hike with our church's youth group yesterday. They hiked up into the mountains to Hanging Lake. The incline is fairly steep, but the trail is good. She said she could see lots of fish. I guess the fish are safe up there because there is no fishing. Geesh!

Our middle son is working at WalMart at the moment. WalMart is doing a major remodel at one of its stores in our town. Our son says he is enjoying working there and would like to continue. This job is only temporary, but he's trying to connect with supervisors who could recommend him for a permanent job. This is really good for him and he seems to be rising to the occasion.

Today, I hope to take the last part of my training to be a picture framer. After I do that last section of training, I will study for a few days and then take the final test. My supervisor informed me that no one had failed it in the department yet. I think she meant to encourage me. Yikes . . . I'm not sure that's how I took it! I am enjoying this department. My supervisor is a good teacher and has a great heart about her. The two other framers are incredibly helpful and kind. I have seen them both goof up stuff and they are very open and forthright. We all know we can goof and feel safe with one another. That, by itself, is a great reason to want to be with these co-workers. There's no backbiting or gossiping. It's just a great place to be!

I'm taking Personal and Business Ethics in university at the moment. Our professor has a way of making me think about what I thought I always believed. He doesn't have an agenda - or I'm not picking up on it if he does. He really is trying to get us to define our world view. The interesting thing to me is that he doesn't demand we have a specific world view. He just wants us to be able to define it and explain why we think what we think. Our class represents quite a range of world views. It's been interesting to see those various views play out in class. Our professor says he is a facilitator more than a teacher. I know that I am learning from him, but his classroom style is much different than my college classes 30 years ago. (One would hope that would be true, wouldn't it?)

Continued Prayer Request

2006-07-01T06:53:00.000-06:00

This is an email I sent out this week. We've been trying keep people informed as to where we are. I didn't know exactly how detailed I should be on these things, but a couple of nurse friends said the more details, the less guessing. It just helps people be able to pray specifically. Sooooo . . .there ya go!

Wanted to let you know that my dh's pathology test came back not so good. Our doc is going to try to present his case to a group of oncologists that get together in Delta to discuss treatment. There is cancer in his lymph nodes although we don't know how extensive. At the moment, the doc is wanting my dh's body to heal for the next month. Then I guess we'll get together and bat around some ideas. The doc said probably the next step is some hormone treatment that stops the testosterone from feeding the cancer. We are going to check our insurance here to see what oncologists are in that plan here in GJ. He said that would be great and he would refer if we'd like. I think we're in kinda shock mode at the moment. My dh is struggling a bit with incontinance. The doc said that might happen and has some exercises that my dh needs to do. They are supposed to be mailing us that pamphlet.

Great Night's Sleep

2006-06-18T22:53:00.000-06:00

We finally got my husband home from the hospital. It's not that we weren't willing or even that he wasn't ready. It was about doctors. Gotta love em, right? It was a long Saturday afternoon trying to get my hubby released from the hospital, but we made it home by midevening, finally. Woohoo!

After he got home, he settled in nicely. We thought he had a temperature, but that went away in the night. Woohoo, again! A wonderful treat for us both was a great night's sleep. I don't sleep all that well when I'm not in my bed (with my hubby). We were both tired when we went to bed, but we just didn't know HOW tired until it was bright daylight out when we both woke up! It's been a long time since we've slept that long!

We're thanking God for a continual healing during this time. We're also thanking Him for a great night's sleep! Trust for many more too!

Thanks to all who've been praying - we're grateful!

Surgery Went Well

2006-06-14T19:01:00.000-06:00

For all of you who've been praying . . . thanks!

I appreciate all who've taken time to pray for my husband's prostate surgery. It went well. The doctor was happy with the results. My hubby is resting in hospital for the next few days. He will recoup at home for a couple of weeks and have another PSA test which we are trusting will show nothing.

God is faithful. We are leaning hard on Him!

Odds and Ends

2006-06-11T10:30:00.000-06:00

This weekend I didn't have to work at the store. We tried to get stuff done before hubby has his surgery. He was up on the roof painting around our solar panels. The new paint looks nice! We are hiring our neighbor to spray paint the rest of the house. I'm looking for someone to do some extra scraping of old paint off the trim. I can do most of it. I'm just not a ladder girl, so need someone to get under the eves and and scrape would be helpful.

I'm trying to get school stuff done too. Personal and Business Ethis is my current class. I'm trying hard to learn a bunch of world views, determine my OWN world view and then figure how I might approach business with my own world view. I was talking with my pastor's wife last night about this. She has taken this class at my university as well. She said discussions got pretty interesting when people were trying to sort out ethical decisions. I think it will be interesting where the class discussions go over the next 4 weeks. At this point, I'm just trying to get the vocabulary in my head. I'd like to be able to enter discussions from a somewhat educated framework.

I need to write a couple of paragraphs for a threaded discussion. I watched Robin William's The Final Cut. It 's a movie based on implanting a chip in the brain of unborn babies. That way, their whole life can be documented and the "rememoried" at their memorial service. Yikes! Just not real sure I want anybody but God with that kind of information! I'm supposed to write a couple of paragraphs talking about the company that does this. I'm on the Board of Directors and need to explain my goals and ethical standards. Talk about having to wear a "different" hat! (There's more to the story, but don't want to do a movie review here.)

This is going to be an action packed week. On Monday, I start to learn a new position at my job. Tuesday night is the Ethics class. Wednesday is my husband's surgery. Thursday and Friday I have a new work schedule which will challenge me as I try to pick up my son from his work when I am at my work. We'll see how that works. I think my husband will come home from the hospital on Saturday. I am scheduled to work from 9-6. Oh, I also am going to apply for another really part-time job that sounds very fulfilling to me. At the moment, I'm waiting for another employer to fill a position for which I applied as well. I think the next couple of weeks are going to be interesting!

Help for Hot Summer Days

2006-06-06T23:04:00.000-06:00

Would you like to throw a fishing line in here with me?

I think I'll hang out by this lake until after the first of July. I found out today that will be when I will know about the job I've been wanting since April. I keep hearing good things come to those who wait. We'll see about that!

Meanwhile . . . I just KNOW that water is cold . . . how good that would feel!

Good News

2006-06-05T22:55:00.000-06:00

This is one of those posts I've been waiting a long time to write. If we heard our family practice doctor correctly, the scans that my husband had to have, including the extras, were all negative. There was a question of the surgery happening if the scans shows anything they shouldn't. The good news is that the surgery is going to happen! YA!

Thanks and keep up the good praying!

Close and Precise

2006-06-04T22:49:00.000-06:00

We had the priviledge to have the Blue Angels in an air show here in our town last year. We were standing on a hill where they did a low "fly by". I felt like I could have given the pilot a drink of Pepsi as he flew past us! (It was loud enough too!)

I was reminded that those pilots have hours and hours and hours of training for the precision work they do. They move as a team. I want to move that closely and precisely with my Father God. It's amazing to me that God wants to let me hear Him and move in precision with Him. Why would he do that? Got me . . . Maybe He gets the thrill of the closeness and precision as one of His kids determines to follow with every bit of their being?

You lead, Father . . . I will nestle right up close to You and learn to sense Your movement and go where You are going.

More Tests

2006-06-02T07:19:00.000-06:00

Just a fast update . . .

Wanted to note that my husband will be having an additional CT scan. His doctors noticed some "spots" on his lungs and were concerned enough to want a better look. Our family doctor kept asking my husband if he had had a childhood injury. My husband couldn't remember those, but he was an Eagle Scout, so who knows what all might have happened?!

Hearing the techie people discuss this stuff unnerves a person when overheard. My husband is really showing no symptoms, so it's pretty odd to think anything foreign could be happening. I know though, that God is able to keep us. God knows our days. We just want to live them fruitfully and faithfully.

Thanks for praying for us as you read this . . .

Where Has May Gone?

2006-05-29T17:44:00.000-06:00

Holy smokes! May is almost over! Ok . . .truthfully . . . we've been trying to finish my daughter's schooling like mad women. I've been working more . .. then less. I'll explain that later.

We have the scoop on my husband. He has prostate cancer. He will have surgery to remove his prostate on June 14th in Delta. Our insurance only allows us to use one urologist in our area. His practice is in Delta (and Montrose) right across the parking lot from the Delta Hospital. (Delta is about 45 minutes from our front door.) I don't remember the name of the hospital. I'm sure I'll be more familiar with it in the coming days - physically and from the receipt of bills!

Tomorrow he will have two tests - a CT scan and a bone scan. I guess that's pretty routine for this urologist to order those. He really wants to know what medical stuff he's facing when he goes to surgery. Tonight he will be swallowing the 16 oz of water with the "stuff" in it that will help with tomorrow's CT scan. He's going to put some Stevia (sweetener) in the water to hopefully help him get past the bitterness of the meds. He's gearing up for it now!

I am waiting for the job interview I have on June 6th. I have turned down at least two other jobs that would be too many hours per week for me. It was hard for me to come to those decisions because the money was pretty good. I am hoping for good things with the upcoming interview.

I have been dealing with a twisted knee. I was heading out the door one morning to take my husband to work. I caught the soul of my right shoe under the door. I know . . . how clumsy is that??? So I wouldn't fall down my porch (and really look dumb), I caught myself on my left leg. I landed wrong and twisted my knee. I barely could walk. Calling in sick to work, I knew I was unable to stand on it for the 7 hours I was to work that day. I had the next day off, so I felt that I could rehab my knee in that time. Late the next day, my work called and said that I would need to have a doctor's approval to come back to work. Yikes! That call was late Friday afternoon. I had to wait until Monday to call the doctor. I enjoyed the weekend off, but it didn't bring in any income, that's for sure.

My doctor released me to go back to work. I confess that my knee is still hurting, but it's getting better. My sister has had several knee surgeries so she's an expert on how to help. She gave me the scoop and I obeyed her. When my knee starts to stiffen up, I just wrap the heating pad around it for a little bit. Frankly, it's sitting around that stiffens it up most. I'm usually pretty ok at work. Of course, ibuprofen is my friend!

There's probably more, but that's the bare bones of the last two weeks.

Sometime I'll blog about what's happening in my heart . . .

Life Continues . . .

2006-05-07T18:52:00.000-06:00

About that job . . . looks like it will be June 6th before I have the second interview and the hiring date is in late July! Wow! I was just a bit frustrated that it was so strung out. Oh well . . . I know that God is at work on my behalf. I just need to keep doing what I am supposed to do and not get weary in "well doing". Ok . . . I can do that . .yeah . . . I can . . .

My husband will find out the results of his prostate biopsy this week. I think we're not stressing too much on that. It's interesting to remember that we've prayed and the Great Physician is aware of our need. How He will heal now is yet to be seen. We wait . . .

College is interesting. I'm reading books that don't interest me all that much. I really have to read them because the discussion in class will be graded, so I need to have something to say. I can't remember a time when I didn't have something to say! (Oh boy . . . did I open myself up for that one?!)

We went to a training this afternoon about how to discuss the falicies of the DaVinci Code as people have questions. There's really something believable about giving a partial truth and mixing it with a huge lie. I once heard the larger the lie the greater the believeability. I want to have an anser for the hope that is within me. At the meeting today, we were given a microwave popcorn bag with an invitation stuck to it. It's to give to people who have seen the movie and have some questions or were startled by what they saw. Our church is providing three Wednesday nights in a row for a short video that speaks to four specific errors in the movie and a Q & A time afterwards. As I was leaving the church today, I saw that there were extra invitation popcorn bags. She looked at me and said "These have your name on them!" I took them because I know that God will show me how I might give them out wisely. I was thinking I might go hang around the movie theater and offer them to folks as they are leaving. I'm going to pray about what would be a creative way to use them in the most wise way. If anyone has ideas . . . put them in the comments!

A Mixed Bag of Thoughts

2006-04-30T10:33:00.000-06:00

It's been a week! Looks like another one's coming, too!

I have to wait another week to find out about a job that I applied for about a month ago. I'm working through how long it takes for employers to select someone to hire. I know that once you hire someone, getting rid of them is hard. There's probably a real push to make sure that who they pick is a great candidate. The challenge for me was the window of the application process was supposed to be closed two weeks ago. Right before that day, I was emailed and informed that the process would be open two weeks more. I know there are reasons for that, but it messes with the pysche. If I wasn't completely sure that God is in control of my life, I'd be wondering what was going on. From the beginning of this job search, I've asked Him to open and close doors according to His will. I trust that He is doing that!

My husband will be having a biopsy this week. His blood levels weren't good when given the test for prostate cancer. So, he will undergo that process this week. Our challenge is that our insurance only covers one urologist in a 50 mile radius. Of course, he is about 40 miles from us! Now, my husband has to take off work to be able to get to the appointment. I've put prayer requests on a couple of prayer chains. God is our healer and we will walk close by Him throughout this process.

Because my job opportunity hasn't happened yet, I am still clinging to my old job. I have a great manager. She thought that I was going to work the job I am at PLUS picking up this new one. I am not so sure I could do that and do two college courses in the next 5 weeks. I am working about 12-20 hours a week (depending on the week) now. The new job would be about 24 hours a week and I'd choose my own hours (Mon - Fri). I'd like to take a second class this five weeks at college, but it is a Saturday morning class - 8am to noon. Normally, I have to work every other Saturday from 11am - 8:30pm. If I took this class, I'd need to come in to work about 1pm. Because of summer's low cash flow, I don't know if my manager will be able to work around me not being at work for those first 2 hours. She is thinking about it. I should know this week because my first class would be this coming Saturday.

We all have Spring Fever! That just means we all want to head for the mountains, breathe the fresh air and fish in the lakes and streams. People are working in their yards around here. I am doing as much as my body will allow me to do. I get really sore from shoveling. At least it doesn't effect my piano playing becuase I'm doing very little of that these days. Our house needs a coat of paint as well. I'm not sure I have the funds to cover the Spring Fever wishes!

Seven Credits Down

2006-04-27T13:31:00.000-06:00

Here's what I'm looking at on my desktop.

This picture makes me want to go fishing! Today or Saturday would be about the only time I could because the Summer university schedule starts on Monday. No rest for the weary, they say!

It's been fun taking seven credits of college in five weeks. I think I did a pretty good job though. My profs were great and really helpful. This was my first trek back into the world of academia. It's been an adventure. I'll say that I've met some great people and had opportunity to share some good stories. In my Biology class, for instance, were people working toward their teaching certificates. They were trying to get the general education classes out of the way before they started on the degree specific courses. This Biology course was called Biological Diversity. We talked a lot about ethics in Biology. I came away from this class knowing that the rate of discovery is ahead of the rate of ethical clarity. Going back and revisiting previous discussions in the area of ethics is really important.

My other class was a Computer Information Systems class. It helped sharpen my skills as I use Microsoft Office 2003. Excel is something that has always felt a bit ominous. It's less frightful to me now. I had some fun with Power Point and Word. I am trying to decide if I want to consider a Project Management Certificate along with my degree. I hear this is a great tool to have in my management skill set. It means four more courses though, so I'm just trying to decide if I want to do that work. This certificate teaches the technical aspects of project planning. I'm not sure that I'd ever be planning a major project, but it's hard to say. My professor thinks it would add $20,000 to my yearly income. Goodness . . . I don't make THAT to start with!

Today I am waiting for a textbook to come. The course is American Literature II. Did I take American Lit I? Uhm . .nope . .but . .I'm told both classes are stand alones. I checked the online syllabus for the class and discovered that the book mentioned in the syllabus is not the same one that the bookstore said was for this class. Yikes! So, now I have to wait until I get the book, check it out with the assignments online and THEN determine if I have the correct book. In the meantime, I'm looking at my desktop picture and thinking that I might enjoy hanging out at that lake this weekend. Ohhhhhh . . . it might not even be open yet. There's probably still snow. That lake is about 10,000 feet above sea level. Hmmm . . . I might have to call the lodge up there and ask!

2006-04-20T19:45:00.000-06:00

Enjoy the picture while you listen!

The Determination of the Lord

2006-04-16T18:19:00.000-06:00

I appreciate determination! I appreciate setting your mind to something and, like Captain Picard says, "Make it so!"

I know there are plenty of scriptures that will help a person know how to follow Christ. I was thinking of all of the "put on" or "one another" verses and then the "put off" or "lay aside" or "turn away" verses too.

Yeah . . . I do let my heart start making plans when I think something is coming. A friend wrote me today to encourage me and remind me that IF I really am asking God to lead me, then I'd better figure that He is working to do that. Seems very simple, but when the plans I was running through in my heart didn't seem to work out, I was wondering what was going on. I don't think I'm doubting God - or it doesn't feel like that. I usually wonder what other people are up to. After that, I wonder if I am really just kidding myself about what I think. I can't remember the last time I doubted God. I think if I ever started to doubt God, I'd probably be pretty unstable. He has been my rock for so long, it just seems impossible that He'd mess with my head or purposefully pull the rug out from under me. Nope . . . that's not God!

My daughter wrote this verse last year. It's a good reminder for me!

Where Does a "Good Fit" Look Like?

2006-04-15T21:04:00.000-06:00

I created this logo (with some help from Microsoft) for an assignment I have in a university class. It expresses my idea of how I would help people put together the various ways they are gifted and empassioned. It just seems like a person with these qualities might find that no matter the situation, they could get a grip on their surroundings and help where there is a need. This person would be more directed and clear in their own personal mission. I thought that sounded like a good thing.

Can a person who has clarity of focus in these four areas really "fit" with others who don't have the same focus in each of these areas? Some might say "yes!" . . some might say "not a chance!" The jury's still out for me on this.

My personal mission doesn't need to be the mission of my employer. I could actually embrace the vision of a company and still not lose my own personal vision. Do employers look for people who will lose themselves so much in the company that the employee actual has no personal vision of their own? I guess if you're on company time, you are the company's . . . period. I wonder though if employers really want mindless employees. Hmmm . . . I know they want cooperative ones. Employers probably would enjoy employees that have enough on the ball to see roadblocks coming and tactfully share them. Again, that would mean that employers would want to hear from employees and there was an open door policy for fresh thinking and ideas.

The fun thing about this logo is that the puzzle pieces come apart. No matter where those individual pieces travel, eventually they get back to "fit" together. Those four qualities are a good fit. Happy is the employer who finds someone whose qualities do fit!

Living Water Flow

2006-04-09T11:25:00.000-06:00

This little trickle of water reminds me of the trickle of hope I have facing this new week. I have great confidence that God is working on my behalf. I know that the ecosystem in this picture is small in size, but very balanced in its own right. The water is flowing at just the right speed to quench the thirst of the plants around it. Yet, it's not too fast or large to physically tear the plants away from the earth where they are rooted. The moss attached to the front of a rock enjoys the moisture of the water without the erosion that would happen if the stream became larger. The ecosystem is just right!

I just came from church where we sang a song called "We Are Hungry". One line in the song says "living water flow down on me". Sometimes my vision of living water flowing down on me is this deluge sort of thing. As I was reminded of this picture and found it again, I remembered that, though the water was not a rushing deluge, it IS a huge part of the ecosystem of this small area of the forest. I am guessing that our Father God really understands the volume of the flow of the Living Water we need in our lives to keep the ecosytem of our hearts in a good place to grow. How I long for not just the occasional gush and rush of the Living Water. I long for that continual flow that keeps me alive and fresh.

The Power of A Tree

2006-04-07T07:44:00.000-06:00

Some days the future looks like a tree buried in a rock. I was reminded again this week in Biology of the power of living things. They find a way to LIVE even in the most challenging places.

My life isn't nearly that complicated. We are looking at more changes and challenges though. My husband had to have extra bloodwork and is on his way to see a urologist because of our doctor's concern about his prostate. The good thing is that this stuff is detected early and our doctor is very quick to take strong action. So, I know that weighs on my husband's mind.

Our son's job in California looks like it really isn't going to materialize. That's disappointing to him because he had some big plans around that whole project. He already gave his notice at work, so I know he's wrestling with whether to go back into the office and see if he can take his resignation back. His girlfriend thinks he needs tons of money for the move to Missouri. He thinks he can make the move "on a shoestring". I'm betting there's a happy medium somewhere in all of this!

School is going well for me. Financial aid came through for both Spring and Summer. I've been applying for the 2006-2007 school year. I applied and interviewed for a job that pays almost double what I'm making at my current job. It is a few more hours than I work now and is a place where my passion for people and technical skills could be better used. The funny thing is that I also have another interview at a place I've been trying to get work since before Christmas. I will know if I am hired for the first job the day before my interview for the second job. The second job is way more hours which makes me wonder if I could do that because of homeschooling and college. Boy! Does this only prove that God knows our days and if we would just listen to Him, He'd keep us on the right path?!

Yep . . . I feel like I'm growing out of a rock sometimes. The wonder of the enzymes in living things that allow such power to be released is just amazing. The "chance" of a seed embedding in a hollowed out place in the side of a rock face, taking root and enduring to live in the middle of the weather elements is pretty fantastic.

Truly . . . how great is our God!

My First Day in College - Again!

2006-03-28T16:03:00.000-07:00

I had my first class last night. While I wish I was sitting on the banks of this lake reading my books . . . wow . . . now there's an idea!

My first class was with the acting director of our local center. He has his Phd. and has credits a MILE long. I am humbled by this man. His wife had a surgery a few months ago that went wrong somehow. He is staying home much of the time helping her back to health. It's not known for sure if she will ever be all the way back. He is really interested in each of the students. It's not about what information he gets out. It's more about what the students find that they need with the information he gives out. He's teaching Computer Information Systems. While I knew most of what he was saying about the computer program he was working with, I learned something completely diffferent from him. He gave a much simplier format for learning to write mission, purpose and vision statements. I will still have to think about those, but honestly, he made it as clear as I've ever heard it!

Tonight is Biology. I think this will be a more complicated sort of class. I guess we'll just wait and see. I have heard nothing but great reviews about the professor. He's been teaching at the university for many years. What a neat blessing to get to have him too! I better go check my threaded discussions to see if anyone has commented on my odd view of stem cell research.

When A Kid Leaves Home

2006-03-23T07:23:00.000-07:00

Ok . . . some of you have had kids who've left home. How'd you do with that? I found out that my 24 yr old son was leaving. He's not mad or going to jail or anything like that. He's just . . . leaving. For what it's worth, he's leaving home to go live on his own in a place that is many many states away! Why? Well . . . it's a girl, of course!

They have known each other for several years. She has come here . . . he has gone there. She's going to college. He just wants to move by her to be near her. Nothing wrong with that . . .I guess. Ok . .big pout happening here!

Honestly, at his age, he should move out! (I heard what you were thinking!) He needs to experience the fun of utility bills and rent, eh? He tells me there is a great church there that his girlfriend is attending. He says that there are people with rentals there too. I guess he will get to experience what that is all about as well.

He will pack the following in his car: (of course this is all subject to change) (small Honda)
TV
stereo
computer
100 CDs (my guess)
50 DVDs (my guess again)
2 guitars
clothes will be in there somewhere

Now . . . what's missing? Furniture! A desk . . . an entertainment center . . . chest of drawers. So? What do I do with those? Makes me wonder what my mother did with all the stuff I left? As I remember, she kept asking me, "what do you want me to do with this stuff?" NOW I understand her delimma! I guess we'll just have to see what we do. Hmmmm . . . I might use that room as my study room! Wow . .just thought of that!

I thought the past year was a huge change. Whew . . . just wait for the next few months. I wonder if this means that someone will come to help me deep clean that room? (probably not, eh?)

On the Way (I think)

2006-03-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

Could I be college bound?

Tomorrow I find out if the financial aid I think I see is really what I get. It will be interesting to see how this whole college thing pans out. I do believe God is opening doors quickly. I hope to be able to keep up!

I wonder if I can really do TWO subjects in 5 weeks? I think I will have to do a quick study of remembering how to "quickly study". Yikes! God please help my head to take what I read and translate it to understanding of topics I barely know.

My First Audio Blog

2006-03-19T19:11:00.000-07:00

test test test

whatcha think?

This Is Just the Beginning I Think!

2006-03-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

Paperwork . . .yep . . . even in my paperless world, people still want paperwork!

Getting ready for college is an adventure. I forgot that I never had to hunt for financial aid or anything like that when I went to college. I just worked for peanuts and still paid most of what I earned to the college. Oh wait . . . I guess it was called "work study". I don't know that I'll be doing that this time. So, the alternative is finding out if there's any financial aid out there for a mom who has raised her kids (mostly) and wants to start another career.

I've heard this is a great thing to do - that is , go back to college. So, I'm testing the waters to see what that means. This thing called Adult Learning has become quite the fad. Actually, it's helping lots of people fit in continuing education with the work a day job that pays the mortgage and puts food on the table. Of course, it also pays for all the public school fees for art, physical education and extra curricular activities like sports, cheerleading or band. Actually, maybe this going back to college thing just takes the place of all those fees paid for the kids. The kids can work and pay their own! It's time for the parents to get back to college!

But . . . is there anyway around all the paperwork? Probably not . . . so become friends with the copy place and find the nearest fax machine and keep lots of in pocket change for incidentals.

Incidentally might become a well used word in the next few years!

Another Closed Door . . . But Still On the Road

2006-03-08T16:49:00.000-07:00

Four months ago I applied for a job. It was a stretch for me, but I thought I could grow to fulfill it. It was one of those long shots that I thought I could attain with hard work. It wasn't to be. Today, I found out that I was not chosen. I trust that the employer worked through all the details to select someone that would be best for the job. Still, it's disappointing to me . . . but that's ok.

Disappointment can either push you away or toward something. It's pushing me toward God. I feel like I'm on the road in this picture. I took the picture. I know the road. I even know what's at the crest of the hill. I don't know what's at the crest of the "hill of my future" though. This was one of those situations that I really thought I could work into. Sometimes, when people don't know you, or want to risk what you may or may not be able to do, the chance to work into something just doesn't happen. Many of my friends were trying to ease me into the fact that I wouldn't be chosen. They are good friends to care for me so much.

I guess enough time has passed that I already have my sights set on other things. Thankfully this job wasn't the only thing my mind has been set on all this time. I do have other dreams. Someone actually pushed me to voice one of those dreams yesterday . . . that will be for another post someday.

Today, though, I look back on a closed door with sadness, but clearly understanding that my whole person was not resting on that one decision. My life and purpose can't be wrapped up in one person making a decision. I think I'm fairly healthy with that perspective. Today, I'm a bit teary, but I know that tomorrow I'll look again at the days ahead with anticipation. There are good things happening in my life. I'm thankful to my Father God for His watchful eye and leading hand on my behalf.

It is God who works in me both to will and to do of His good pleasure!

One Door Closed - Others to Open?

2006-03-06T13:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a huge day for me. It was the end of 25 years of being connected to a church and a family of believers. It was interesting because I knew that the timing was right. The pain I've felt for this past year had brought me to the ability to let go and know that God will still be with me and work through me. I feel like I do when I'm hunting for a new job. I keep thinking I need to have something to show for my day. It doesn't make sense, I know!

I AM job hunting. I lined up several jobs that I think I'd like to apply for. I have to decide, though, if I want to be gone 40 hours a week. I don't think I want to do that. My daughter's schooling is too important and she's getting Spring Fever. It's hard to keep her moving, but we're working on it. I'd like not to have to get a 40 hr per week job - maybe just at 20-25 hour one that pays about $10. Does that sound too hard? (I know . .not for God!)

I'm looking at financial aid this week as well. My goal at this time is to get a BA in Organizational Management for Christian Leaders with a minor in Psychology. I'd like to then go on to get a MA in Counseling. I should be able to do it at Colorado Christian University. This adult learning program allows me to take a course in a 5 week block - attending class one night a week as well as reading paper books, corresponding internet info and threaded discussions. There are just lots of details to iron out before I can jump full throttle into the coursework.

Now I need clarity to be able to write essays for scholarships. They don't have to be all that long - just clear and succinct. I pray for a free flowing sense of writing. I can get drowsy writing in the afternoon. I need to get it in gear though!

Someone just told me there are scholarships for left handed people? Gotta find those!

It Felt Good to Speak Again

2006-03-02T21:04:00.000-07:00

Even though it's been awhile, I wasn't as nervous as I thought as I shared my testimony with the women's ministry group at Canyon View Vineyard Church last night. After one of my friends questioned what I was originally asked to do, I realized that I don't think my testimony is all that interesting or exciting. It was important though for me to do as I was instructed - not add to or assume. The leaders are incredibly gracious, so their promptings were received well.

As I put the testimony together, I found that I had a page of stuff that I have done for the last 30 some years. It's amazing to see how the Lord has been gracious in my life. Sometimes I think what I have done isn't all that interesting. I guess that remains to be seen.

Probably the most precious part for me was to share who I am. I made a list of some of the most difficult times in my life and some of the most meaningful times in my life. I realized as I recalled different events - difficult or meaningful - that these things have made me who I am. My thought processes and deep seated feelings flow out of these experiences. It makes me think of the Romans 5 passage that talks about "tribulation working patience, patience experience, and experience hope." The part of that passage that touches me is the fact that hope makes me not ashamed.

Just for the record, I thought I'd put those two lists here.

Some of the most difficult times in my life have included:

the suicide of a boyfriend
the leaving of my father and basic disinterest in me
trusting again that God would bring the love of my life back into my life
finding a friend who left without explanation
trusting that another friend would not do the same thing
realizing that some things have a season of time and are not forever
understanding that pouring my whole heart into something doesn't necessarily mean that it was wrong to do that - it's not always reciprocated or even appreciated
understanding that God loves me . . . period
making a choice to change my entire church family base and leave what was me for the last 25 years

Some of the most meaningful times of my life have included:

coming to know Jesus Christ as my personal Savior
experiencing the revelation of the Father heart of God
watching people grow in their giftings as they are mentored
slowly working myself out of a job as others have been mentored to do what I've done
talking about God with my children
seeing my kids learn from me and go on to do things better than what I do
realizing that God is not finished with me yet
living peacefully with myself when I am not sure what the future holds for me in career and ministry

I received an email this morning that encouraged my heart. It said, "I really enjoyed your story last night. The part about taking risks really spoke to me. I am definitely not a risk taker. In fact, my prayer request last night was for courage to be able to do so."

Thank You, Father for being there with us. You knew each heart and each need. I pray that You will continue to visit with those who opened their hearts to You. Whether it was about risks, or losses or new seasons, be ever so close as each one makes such important choices for their future. Faithful are You who calls us . . . who also will do it. Amen

Words Behind the Blog - Word Cloud

2006-02-27T12:41:00.000-07:00

Found this on another blog and thought it was interesting to note. I'm not sure how far back the search goes for words, but still, it's interesting to see. Check out this spot to see what your blog is really saying!

Preparing to Speak

2006-02-27T08:24:00.000-07:00

Looking back as well as forward!

This Wednesday I will be speaking at the Canyonview Vineyard Women's Ministry evening called "Celebration!". There's food and fellowship along with worship and someone speaking. I happen to be the one speaking this month.

I was telling a friend what I thought I'd say and she asked me if that's really what I was asked to do. Now, I stopped up short just to rethink . . ."What was I asked to do?" I recall being asked to share about myself. This was a sort of "get to know me" time. I was told I had about 30-40 minutes. Honestly, I can tell about me in 5 minutes, so what do I do with the rest of the time!?!

I had planned to create a video telling about my family and our desire to move with God at this new place in our lives. At this moment, I'm not sure the media equipment will be able to support my video. I should know by later today. I'm trying to decide if I want to put the time into the video until I know for sure that it can be played. I think I can rework parts of a video I already have, so it might not be such a lengthy process. Hmm . . . decisions, decisions!

After the video, I was going to share a short teaching around the significance of God's time. I guess my friend's question has caused me to ask if they don't really want to hear any more than just me telling about myself. Not much excitement in that!

Getting home, getting back on track . . . it feels a little unsettling at the moment. My body is still on Toronto time. I was sleepy at 9pm (11pm Toronto time) last night. Of course, I was awake at 5am (7am Toronto time). Yikes! I work tonight, so sheer exaustion should get me acclimated faster!

Lose to Gain

2006-02-21T18:49:00.000-07:00

I did not renew my ministerial credentials today. It was hard and I am in a contemplative mood. It's just a sad day for me. Somehow, I want to encourage myself in the Lord like David did.

I remind myself again . . .

"Lord . . . may I keep in step with You. I want to be Your church moving into the future."

ED note: I edited out a link that didn't seem to be appropriate at this time. I still do want to be part of a forward thinking group though. I have found some people whose faith is ahead of me so I know I will have good models for my faith walk in the future. I'm seeing life with different eyes at this time. It will be good I know, even though at this time there is still a sense of loss. It's just a different season.

Seismic Shifts Create Waves

2006-02-18T07:22:00.000-07:00

As I’m in Toronto for a few more days, I have been reading some great books. I went to a bookstore that had several bins of books on sale. Woohoo! Now that’s a treat for me! I picked up a couple of books to read. The friend at whose house I am staying loaned me a book as well. It’s been great to have the time to sit and read a whole book at one time. I confess that they were a pretty fast read and skimming at that!

This was the week that much culminated regarding decisions made in months past. It’s the sort of thing that you know is coming, but you can’t believe it’s here and basically done. Decisions are easier made in your living room than lived out among people you’ve loved for many years.

As I was searching the bins of sale books, I found one with a copyright of 2005. It’s not an old book! The back of the book said “It’s easy to talk about changing your life. Here’s how you actually do it.” I picked the book up, looked at the back cover and realized that Seismic Shifts was a book I would have to have.

Kevin Harney writes about these shifts that must happen to move into freshness in life. I might be writing on other things I’ve gleaned from this book, but at the moment the tidbit that is rumbling in me is the phrase “tunnel of chaos”. Harney says that Bill Hybels coined the phrase. That tunnel is the place you enter after you’ve come to the end of living in pseudocommunity – a false sense of peace based on avoiding honesty and constantly sidestepping confrontation. While confrontation is never fun, the deeper relationship to be enjoyed on the other side of the “tunnel of chaos” is worth every bit of the challenge encountered in the “tunnel”. This adventure is not a one time thing, but more of the treasure of authentic Christianity is in store at the other end of every step.

I am challenged to find those places of “pseudocommunity” in my life. I think this will be a huge trust thing between the Lord and I. I believe that He will walk with me through those chaos times. I believe that He has been walking with me for the last year. It feels like I’m about through the tunnel.

I am longing for more authenticity in my life. I know that I cannot expect something of others that I will not expect of myself. At least for now, I have some mental pictures to help me know where I’m going and who I’m impacting.

Arrival in Toronto

2006-02-11T13:45:00.000-07:00

At the moment, I'm sitting Toronto, Canada. I'm at the home of a friend for some R & R as well as ministry time. I'm not all that sure what there will be the most of between those two, but I am looking forward to these two weeks.

I've just made a video that will announce me resigning from the Creative Arts ministry at church. I've been with these people for 25 years. (Some people have come and gone, but the ones who've stayed are probably the ones I've been around the longest.) It's not very easy to say good bye to folks. I don't like this sort of thing. Just fading into the "sunset" would be fine with me. I know the new pastor is trying to do things in an upright way so that if we meet at an event, we can look each other in the eye and know there's nothing bad between us. That's good I'm sure.

So that video will be played while I'm here in Toronto. I am concerned about my son though. He will be leading worship the Sunday that this video will be played. He seemed ok with it, so I hope that it works out ok for him. Guess we'll see . . .

I will go back and attend one more Sunday for them to "send" me. I'd appreciate prayer if anyone is reading this. I'm not all that sure I know the meaning behind the "sending", but I've seen it done several times. It's always left a bit of a question in my mind. Maybe that was because I was the one who was "sending" rather than "going". I imagine this is an attitude check of some sorts for me, so prayer would also be appreciated for that as well.

I may blog more of my adventures here in Toronto. I caught the plane in Salt Lake City at 6:15am, so I'm a bit bleary eyed. Salt Lake, Chicago and Toronto each had a good amount of snow. When I was in the air today, there was an interesting phenomenon I kept observing. We were above the clouds and the sun was bright. As I looked out my window, I could see the shadow of our plane on the clouds. I could see the whole plane. The unique thing about it was that there was a rainbow effect all around the plane shadow. It seemed brighter inside the rainbow circle. I saw it once and thought it was just a fluke. Then, I kept seeing it over and over. I'm wondering if God was trying to say something to me. (I understand the concept of water in the clouds and the idea of sun shining through those droplets.) I was just blessed to see that rainbow around my plane!

Opened Ended Sentences

2006-02-06T11:48:00.000-07:00

It's an interesting move to leave what you know and step out where nothing is certain. It feels like an adventure - almost like an open-ended sentence just waiting to be told.

What is next? Don't know . . . Where are you going? Not clear yet . . .What will you do? The next month will tell that I think.

I do know that God is at work writing the story of my life. I'm trying really hard to hear Him right now. I know that He is near and is speaking ever so gently in His great way. How good it is to know that He is at work on my behalf!

The Change Is Happening

2006-02-02T10:09:00.000-07:00

My good friend left this morning. She's on her way to care for her ailing mom and stepdad. As I talked with her last night, she was really wanting to be sure that I knew what I was going to do in these next days. I will miss her terribly, but, thankfully, she's become much more internet friendly. I know we will at least have a chance to connect. I'm also blessed by the wonder of cell phone plans that allow for free long distance calling after 7!

Never in my life have I done what I'm about to do this week. That's an amazing thing for someone of my age. I don't get into too many new adventures, but this one will be for sure. Another friend quizzed me this morning making sure that I have thought through the answers to questions that will arise from this decision to do what I've never done before. Pretty mysterious, isn't it?

I heard someone say the other day that to step into your new place you have to let go of the former place. I've heard that before, but it seems very, very real to me at this point. I'm so used to having things lined up that not knowing my next step is a challenge. Other people have my future in their hands. I suppose ultimately, that's not true. God surely knows who will make what decisions. I know that if I just keep my head on His chest, I will hear His heartbeat for my next steps. I will go from complete involvement to nothing. I will go from weekly preparation to nothing. Whew!

Somehow though, there is this internal excitement that just keeps welling up. I wonder what God has in store?

Seeds are Flying Away

2006-01-15T06:55:00.000-07:00

Off to new destinations . . .

Changes will be happening soon with friends who are moving on to different ventures in their lives. It's a happy/sad sort of time for me. I know that changes are good. They make us have to reevaluate where we've been and look ahead for fresh and new things.

One dear friend is leaving to care for sick parents. That's a hard time of life for sure. This friend has a kiddo in school, so she's working on both sides of life issues. Her spouse is completely supportive and engaged in this whole process. One area of life in which I was able to contribute is computer technology. She will have all of her files on CDs to take with her. She will be on the hunt for a computer to be able to do her communication. She will be able to keep in contact with the places in the world that are important to her. She's become much more of a world traveler via the internet, so I know that she will still be able to do that when her in person world might start to close in on her.

As I look at that dandelion seed head, I realize that when the wind blows, people will be blown to different places. They will stick in other places. They will have influence in other situations. It will be interesting to see how these blown people will respond to the places they land. Will they nestle in and get connected? Will they barely hang on and, with the next wind, be blown out of connection? Each seed certainly has the potential of a whole new life. There are so many possibilities around the idea of the seed head of the dandelion. It leaves me thinking in a variety of directions.

Small Group Experience

2006-01-12T07:29:00.000-07:00

I had the joy of being in a small group last night.

We worshipped and enjoyed being together. The topic was faith. Many of the women in the group (it was a women's group) had gone through some pretty traumatic events in their lives thus prompting them to tell of their different experiences of faith. I enjoyed hearing their stories of challenge yet seeming to come back to the foundation of knowing that God is their source of hope. Like Peter determined, they would settle to the fact that Jesus "alone has the words of life."

As a smaller group of four of us circled to share concerns, I was touched by the candor and transparency of each woman. They knew we didn't have time for a long long story, but they so wanted to share their hearts. My heart was touched and I want to pray for them all week. We didn't swap phone numbers or emails, so I really can't get in touch with them. I know God will bridge that gap.

The format is really very simple. It's interesting because there's really no fluff to this group. There is no coffee, no food - not even games for ice breakers. There just seems to be a heart to get together. I like it because I love to worship and I love to be in the Word. I am hoping that the teachings ahead will be as meaty as last night. I have the feeling they will be.

Lead Us Lord

2006-01-08T06:35:00.000-07:00

This picture is taken en route to the summit of the highest flat topped mountain in North America - the Grand Mesa!

This week is one of those monumental weeks in a person's life. There are so many changes on the horizon that my head spins sometimes. As is typical with a big decision, so many people will be touched. Some will be mad, some will be sad and probably some will be glad. Some will say I'm just following a fad and will be glad to see me stop whining. Okey dokie . . . there ya go!

I, the other hand, understand that decisions made this week could change the lives of not only my family, but the lives of many others as well. There have been pivitol moments in my life where decisions changed my direction completely. Getting married was one of those choices. Moving to a new town was another. For some reason, this feels like that kind of impact will accompany decisions made this week.

I wait, not fearfully, but expectantly. I wait, knowing that things might stay the same, yet hoping for radical changes. Ultimately, though, I have to cling to the biblical mandate I read long ago, "Expect the Lord!"

Coworker Thorn

2006-01-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

Ever met someone who delights in being a thorn in your life?

I was sure that I am such a likeable person that there'd never be anyone like this in my life. (Ok, stop rolling your eyes!) Well, sure enough, I have found someone. This coworker is a wonderful opportunity to get a little glimpse of what a "burr under the saddle" feels like - or the proverbial thorn. Being talked about within my earshot is something that my mother taught me shouldn't happen. If you're going to talk about someone, at least don't do it where they can hear you!

This coworker says she is completely oblivious to anything about me - doesn't want to hear and frankly, doesn't care either. It kills her when I build her up in front of customers. Somehow, I delight in finding ways to compliment her and make her have to recognize that I'm saying nice things to her. Who knows if anything I say will impact her for Christ. She is quick to say that "religious people" are just nutty. Could be the background of being raised in a tough Catholic school that has done that to her. Sometimes, all my compassion pours out and I just smile. Sometimes, all my grouchiness pours out and I want to pull her bottom lip up over her forehead. I guess the first choice is more godly, eh? (ok . . . maybe not as fun though . . .)

So, I'm off to another morning of working around this coworker. I just need to keep my head on straight and not let her get to me. I have this running conversation with the Holy Spirit.

"Please . . .can't I say something back that would put her in her place?"

"What would that do for your testimony of Christ?"

"I promise, I'll be very discreet. I'm very good at giving sugar coated digs."

"Digs are still digs . . . how about just keep pouring grace on her?"

"Well bleah . . . digs feel so much better!"

"People are watching you. Remember that you have lots of coworkers. There are people who see what you do and say."

"Ok . . . I'll trust You on that one . . ."

"Good thinking . . ."

Heads Up for Change

2006-01-02T11:26:00.000-07:00

It feels like the time is drawing very close. I'm thinking in these next two weeks I will have a better clarity of God's direction for me in this New Year.

I should be finding out about the job I've been waiting for. I should find out the direction of the church I've been going to. I should see the unfolding of direction for the coming year. Now . . . I guess it's just time to wait and see how the "shoulds" work out.

I asked a friend last night if it was good to be thinking about "Plan B". We laughed because she said that she was so busy thinking and praying about her "Plan A" that she didn't have time to consider "Plan B" yet. Proverbs 1:7 says "Fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge. Only fools despise wisdom and discipline." I want to have knowledge of God's plan, I better be "aweing" Him. Hmmm . . . makes me wonder? Does God really have a "Plan B"?

Old Year Out, New Year Coming!

2005-12-28T06:36:00.000-07:00

So much to get cleared up and finished as the New Year approaches!

It's that time to get all the bills paid for 2005. It's time to pack up all the Christmas stuff and put it away. It's time to finish the little odds and ends that must be done by Dec 31st. It's time . . . .

Yeah! It's time for new thinking. It's time for new vision. It's time for a new haircut! (I had to put that one in because, for me, it just gives me new prospective!) It's time to press into the new places that I've been waiting on for this past year. It's time . . .

Having this blog for the past year has probably been the main factor for keeping me sane. Being able to drop thoughts here has helped me, I'm sure. About 11 months ago I had a dream that stirred me to begin reevaluating why I do what I do. I've prayed, talked with friends, studied the Word and researched various avenues for moving into the new place that that dream stirred in me.

Waiting this long has been good for me, but I confess it has been very hard. I really believe the wait is almost over. I know that by this time next year, I will be very different. My life and circumstances will be different. This feels like one of those momentous moments in a person's life where you know that after crossing a threshhold, the door will close to where you've been, but the adventure of the new stuff ahead keeps you facing forward and moving onward.

By the way, I wasn't chosen for the first job I interviewed for, but I will be submitting my cover letter and resume for another one this week. I believe I would really enjoy this new one. It would stretch me, but I would have the opportunity to be with forward thinking people and offer direction and creative ideas in that mix as well.

Waiting . . .

2005-12-13T07:08:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but waiting is not one of my fortes. I just haven't learned to do it well. When I get an idea or passion in my head, I just want to forge on with it! Why do I feel like there's a hesitation for everything? Ok . . . maybe sometimes I've had some hairbrained ideas. Hey . . . how would I know they were hairbrained if I hadn't talked them out with someone?!

I am waiting this week for a decision on a job possibility. At the moment, it feels like I have waited all year for this opporunity, but I also know that God has my days in His hands and I have a great peace. I am waiting for a very long week at work to be done. I'm not looking forward to 10 hours on my feet this coming Saturday. I am waiting for complete clarity in some decisions that I have to make that will affect many areas of my entire life.

It's interesting that the one thing I face this day with is the assurance that God is moving forward. He is not waiting - He's at work. Ok . . . He might be waiting for humans to act and then He can work through those people. I don't want to get into a big theological thing here. I do know that I do believe that He is at work on my behalf. I want to snuggle up close to Him to hear His heartbeat and pulse for the day. I really do know that He is the only one who has a full grasp on the whole picture. That's actually quite reassuring to me!

So . . . I wait. Time ticks on. People make decisions. God is at work. I wait . . .

Reminiscing Christmas' Past

2005-12-02T14:22:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas Grand Junction
Ensemble from 2003

These are memories from Christmases past. While these were great times, I am glad for a break this year. I am hoping to find that place of really renewing again in the contemplation of the Christ child. What an awesome God we have who'd send His only Son . . . just for us.

Yes, I love the people in this picture. We have spent many hours rehearsing the intricasies of a good song. They are all dedicated people. I pray that this Christmas we will remind ourselves of the wonder and awe of Immanuel - God with us!

Could I Do This?

2005-11-13T07:41:00.000-07:00

Volunteer Champion Full-time, management level position responsible for overseeing development and support of volunteers in all of (name of church deleted) ministries. For consideration, please submit a cover letter and résumé to (name deleted), Executive Pastor, by November 22, 2005. Qualified candidates will be contacted for an interview as soon as possible. For more info call (named deleted).

This was in a church bulletin this weekend. Yowza! I know this church (it's not the one I call "home".) My heart did a leap though when I read this job description. Do I think I could do that?

In August, I went to a Leadership Summit put on by the Willow Creek Association. I was strongly stirred as Bill Hybels talked about valuing and honoring volunteers. I bought a little book at the Summit which details how Willow Creek Community Church finds, nutures and develops its volunteers.

It is amazing to me. It doesn't appear to be "rocket science". It really is about empowering other people. The volunteers-to-be can go online to find "The Top 10 Needs" List. Even the list of volunteer opportunities have been named to draw people with those passions. I can see myself loving to be a Cappucino Bar Server! How fun does that sound?! Ok . . . ok . . .there are needs for a guy small group leader or meal providers (among other things) if you're not such an "upfront" person.

What does all of this have to do with God and church and holiness? EVERYTHING! It's about mining the passion in people first, then discovering ways they can serve God with that passion. It's about leadership visioning, training and empowering people.

There is an ingenious ingredient in this volunteer program. It's about exiting. Imagine knowing that your leadership really wants you to keep asking God if you're where you should be? You know that they care more about you being in the will of God than filling slots. They trust that you will be faithful to your word and complete your assignment but . . . you also know the parameters of your assignment. Indefinate is not in the job description!

If I applied for this job, it would be a complete change in my life. I'd be working full time and have to rearrange things quite a bit. I'd be leaving a church that I've attended and served in for 24 years. It would be a paradigm shift of magnanimous proportions. Hey . . . truth is that I might not even be considered for the job. So . . . I'm asking myself . . . should I go ahead and apply? Of course, I haven't even begun to check in with God about this specifically. The thing that I know is that for over a year now, I have felt restlessness trying to put "new wine" into "old wineskins". God has been stirring me about vision and the fact that I'm in the 2nd half of my life (over 50). It's about meaning and value. It's about leaving a legacy.

My thinking has been that if it means change for me to know that power of productivity in the Kingdom again, maybe I should just go for it.

Speed Limit: Go For It!

2005-11-07T12:11:00.000-07:00

Saturday, I spent about an hour standing on my front porch with some dear friends who were coming for another reason, but spent time listening to my heart and then prayed with me. It’s amazing to have someone really listen to you and find what you’re saying to be thought through and reasonable! They asked me hard questions as well as offering insight from their other points of view. We were able to dialogue back and forth, knowing we were safe with one another, yet offering some fairly different considerations. Probably because of our various gift perspectives, the thought processes came from diverse directions. The vision was the starting point – the pool of perspectives only added to the power of potential possibilities. It felt so refreshing and hopeful. I wonder what would happen if we really did live our passions full out for God? I heard them say to me over and over, "Go for it! Do what is in your heart to do. Do not let the "fear of man" hold you anymore."

God help me live my life full out!

Heaven's Reward

2005-11-07T11:12:00.000-07:00

A friend (and member of my extended family) passed away last week. She was ready to meet the Lord. The funeral was encouraging and uplifting. It’s just always interesting to see who finds their strength in the Lord and who doesn’t. As we stood by the graveside located at the top of a hill, I was aware of several generations raised up by this woman. They were all standing around (at least many of them) talking and reminiscing. People lingered as though they didn’t want to leave. It was very peaceful on that hill. I’m sure for many of them it felt like a respite from the weeks before.

This lady was one of the first Christians I ever got to watch live their lives. Now, I understand that no one's perfect, but she really was a great encouragement to me. She cared about me even as a teenager. While I wasn't a blood relative, I felt like I was included in family things as much as any of the family. She was pretty opinionated, yet was willing to try to answer my questions. She was an example of faithfulness that I follow to this day. I'm thankful for her willingness to walk daily with the Lord. I pray that I might be seen as such a one in my later years.

Ruth, I trust that you are enjoying the choirs of Heaven! You are probably enjoying the music in ways you couldn't have even imagined! We'll miss you this Christmas amist the celebrations for sure! I am sure that you are enjoying being in the presence of the Lord!

Signs of Change

2005-10-19T17:08:00.000-06:00

"Be exalted, O God above the heavens, and Your glory above all the earth." Ps 108:5

God left this one evening for my daughter to catch with her camera. There's just so much to consider when looking at this picture. You might have a variety of thoughts, but I was drawn to the highlighted green leafed limb at the right side of the picture. The "former things" are dark. The "present" is highlighted and green. The "future" is in the graduation of colors from light yellow to the deep orange fading into the night time blue.

The awesomeness of the glory of God stirs me at all levels - from past, through the present and on into the future. How good our God is to display His glory for our eyes to see!

Does Silence Mean No Activity?

2005-10-12T08:50:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I feel like that answer is a resounding "yes"!

I really do know better though. Do I really believe that God is at work on my behalf? I better be saying "yes". At least that's the correct answer. Waiting doesn't necessarily mean silence, but it seems that silence is where I am living at the moment.

I guess in my thoughts, I'd think that discussion, brainstorming, praying, fellowshipping as well as hearing the heart and passion of those committed to a group would help in the "hearing" of God's heart. It feels like having too many "opinions" is a threat.

Is that idea of "let's not talk about this" really helpful? Maybe it's just the way I process things. I find creativity in brainstorming. I find passions unfold in discussion. I bristle when someone says, "Let's just pray about it and not talk". I guess I am presupposing that mature leadership isn't going to be gossipping, so what's the problem with hashing things out?

Oh how unspiritual it IS to consider brainstorming ahead of praying! Is that really what I'm expressing? I don't think so. "Pray without ceasing" surely is the underlying foundation, isn't it? When people come together for brainstorming, shouldn't they have already spent time listening to God for revelation? Isn't the brainstorming just how to get the revelation from the abstract to the concrete? I've even wondered if one person can have all the revelation. It seems that God gives variety in giftings, maturity and passions.

The silence screams at me sometimes. So many wonderful possibilities . . . so little action. The prophets say something is up. What do we do in the meantime? Just wait for it to happen? I guess waiting is this discipline that is better grown in the atmosphere of silence. I'm not sure which is harder 1) having the vision and not the release to move or 2) silence with no sense of activity.

Yes . . . I think I'd go nuts if I didn't think God was at work on our behalf.

Waiting for the Smoke Signals

2005-10-05T17:46:00.000-06:00

Do these look like smoke signals to you? No? I was just looking at my photo albums and this one caught my eye. Sometimes it's just hard to see what' s coming. If you were facing this cliff what would come to your mind?

I've often wondered how the early settlers felt coming into this area called the Colorado National Monument. There are some great stories of survival and settlement in the Grand Valley where I live. People face cliffs in various ways. Sometimes, they go around the cliff. Sometimes, they just crawl over the cliff. Sometimes, they sit and look at the cliff . . . and wonder . . .

Wondering what's on the other side of the cliff is surely a treacherous sort of thing. The waiting can be terrible. Some people are better at waiting. Some are not so good at waiting. I guess it's really just how much pain you want to inflict upon yourself in the waiting. Somehow, I find waiting a very painful thing. Can't I just shout "grace" to that mountain and it be removed? (Zech. 4:7) My advisors say "no"! Tossing in the towel isn't allowed either, I guess.

Something Different is Happening

2005-09-27T07:08:00.000-06:00

This past weekend I was away at a retreat in Aspen, Colorado. It was such a lovely locale. The smells of Fall were in the air and the crispness of the morning temperature reminded me that I have wood splitting and stacking to do when I got home.

I'm back home now. School is going strong. Work is gearing up for the holidays. Christmas trees went on sale at my store this week. Things are very much the norm in this season, yet there is something different happening.

There is a huge change ahead of me. While I've been praying for many many weeks, I still don't have the pieces of information that will, at least in part, bring extreme change to my life. There's something exhilerating about the thought of change. (If this were a change in the messiness of my garage, I'm not sure I'd be all that excited.) Something different is happening.

As a general rule, I'm not all that thrilled with not knowing what's going on. When God is involved though, there is this mystique and intrigue that nags at my heart and spirit. I've been taught through the years that either I make things happen or "things will happen to me". With that philosophy coursing through my veins, the thought of waiting on God doesn't feel all that safe - or at least it hasn't in the past. Yet . . . something different is happening.

What mattered to me in my ministry seems to be taking a back seat these days to the thought of just hearing the Lord's heart for this fresh new day. Yes, what I've worked for over these years really is finding it's place in the archives of my history. Yes, what I thought would be my legacy to future generations is being cataloged as "how you always did it". But . . . something different is happening.

"The way I've done it in the past" feels like those weathered pages in an old memory album. I've called my repetitive actions "the same old, same old". Sure, I can joy in the things that God has done and the people He has touched through efforts I've created and implemented. Lives have changed and hearts were affected for eternity. But . . . something different is happening.

So, in these days of sameness in the season, there is a deep "something" happening. I believe I will be forever changed because of it. I believe it will impact how I create and implement for the Kingdom of God. I see an open door. Something different is happening . . .

Fall in Aspen

2005-09-24T06:37:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting in the dark at the moment writing from a community computer at the Inn at Aspen in Aspen, Colorado. I'm here for a Women's Retreat. The first night in a strange bed was . . . well . . . the first night!

I'm leading worship at this retreat. I was so thankful that all the technical stuff seemed to work and things flowed smoothly. Singing at 9,000 ft is interesting. My breathe was left about 40 miles down the road!

I'm about to spend a day in sessions and enjoying the lovely locale of Aspen, Colorado. I'm looking forward to what God is up to. Something is different this year, but I really don't want to try to speculate why.

I need to go pick songs for two sessions today. My eyes feel like little burnt places. I'm looking forward to that bed being more friendly to me tonight!

About to Emerge

2005-09-10T10:26:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine took this picture during one her her kids' science projects. We all know the story of emerging butterflies. At this moment I can't find it, but I did a blog many months ago around what happens when a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. One fact I didn't pick up was that once the butterfly comes to this stage in it's development, it has 3 days to emerge. Just the significance of 3 days is mind boggling to me!

I do see the timeliness of coming into the new place. If the butterfly doesn't come on out into the new place, it is (as my friend said) a "goner". I am just beginning to think on this process.

If anyone has info to add, sites to recommend or thoughts to interject . . . bring 'em on! I don't have time to jump into a discussion at the moment (I have to get to work).

Wind from His Storehouses

2005-09-08T14:45:00.000-06:00

"He causes the clouds to rise over the earth. He sends the lightning with the rain and releases the wind from his storehouses." Ps 135:5

This morning I worshipped and prayed with a group of intercessors on a mountain overlooking our huge valley. I found myself shouting the praises of God. I was shouting His awesome Name, His mighty works and His precious promises. It felt like His wind pouring through me. I chuckled wondering if anybody watching from the houses below might wonder at what spectacle was happening above them. (I did find out that these intercessors have been quizzed on that before!)

Probably the most amazing event of the morning (6:30am - 8:00am) was watching the rain sweep across the valley. The thunder and lightening accompanied it so majestically. We didn't get rain where we were, but at the end as I was reading the Ps 135:5 verse, the wind started to blow on us. It felt like God was saying "this is the wind from My storehouse for you".

I'm sure there were many other profound moments for those there, but as the lightening flashed, the thunder sounded and the wind blew, something woke in me of the Presence of God being right there in that time. It was a God moment.

52 Days Have Past . . .

2005-09-04T15:55:00.000-06:00

. . . and where am I?

. . . in a greater expectation for God to show up in my every day life!

"This is a time of letting the wind blow things out of your hands. This is a time of letting the wind blow in that which you must grab hold of. In times past, you would have loved to direct the wind in a way that it would blow certain things into your hands for your keeping. But this is a time that the wind is blowing and blowing loose. Let the blowing loose and the blowing away occur so that I can blow in what you need. I will sustain you. Don’t worry about your future. I will sustain you. But let Me blow loose what needs to be blown loose and let Me blow in what needs to be replaced." (52 Days prophetic word)

I'm supposedly through with this prayer and bible reading time. I am FAR from being done though. This has been an interesting time. I thought these 52 days would drag out, but here I am . . . done. I don't think I connected with everything that was intended, but I do know there have been incredible changes, not only in me personally, but in my sphere of influence.

We have had a major catastrophe in the southern United States that affects the whole country. Hurricane Katrina has left her strong imprint on my country. She has touched me emotionally, financially and socially. I am still working out how to live daily in the wake of her influence on my life.

My church family is in a major change mode. We have a month before we know what changes await us - a new pastor. The truth is that we really don't know if even then there will be a decision. It provides great opportunity for prayers to be made on behalf of who God would send to this congregation to pastor.

Then I have to ask if I am still connected to this congregation? I am continuing to read Leonard Sweet's book which is shaking my thinking about how to do "church" in the day we live in. The whole book is about how relationships thread through everything we encounter in life. Relationship is the key to knowing God. It's the key to fulfilled life on earth. It's the platform from which I can story the gospel. But . . .WHY is relationship so hard?? It's not that neat clean pulpit vs pew interaction. It takes work and time. Both of those things drain the life out of a person sometimes! I am coming to learn though, that the deep places that God calls out to in us can only be opened in the community of relationship. Communing with God is a community - God and me. At every level of my life it's about that relationship in and around community. So, how can I just leave a community - the one I call my church?

Maybe the relationships I have are still "community" because we are all a part of the body of Christ. (Listen . . . at this point, I'm asking questions and have no clue of the answers or who might - well . . . ok . . . God does.) Again, the history of my prodigal heart reveals the wasted extravagance of friendships I severed when someone decided they weren't attending my exclusive "community" called "church". It's been hard to look them in the face in the years following. These days though, they seem much more receiving of me and I of them. They wonder what I'm up to when I show up in unexpected places. Their first thought is "what are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

Yeah . . . I've been wrong. Just like Hurricane Katrina blew to smotherines everything in it's path, I am hearing that the Spirit of God wants to blow on me. "Let the blowing loose and blowing away occur so I can blow in you what you need. I will sustain you." I think it's time to hold the traditions just a little looser for the Spirit of God to blow the dead out and blow the new in. I see those images of the whole foundations blown out from under houses. Some houses stood, some collasped. His promise is that He will sustain me. My faith journey is leading me to risk the chance that the "blowing in" will be a continuation of the full destiny God has for me.

Contemplative Days

2005-08-31T09:26:00.000-06:00

Thanks to those who have nudged me about becoming slack in my blogging ventures. Makes me feel good that someone is reading them!

I have been doing my reading that I promised a couple of weeks ago. Again, there is just so much in those readings that I don't have the time (nor you the probable reading interest) to blog on them. I'll try to get highlights soon.

It feels like a tsunami has hit my life. It's hard to really get too descriptive because too many people read this who wouldn't understand my consternation in these days. I think I am coming to understand more clearly the physics principle of inertia. Change is hard. Whether I have to begin something I've not done before or whether I need to change directions from my current path, there has to be an external force to initiate the change. How do I do that? Who or what do I allow to be that "force"? What is the final pressure that will create the change so badly needed? Would it be finances . . . fear . . . frustration . . . hopelessness? Could it be anticipation . . . new vision . . . Holy Spirit nudge? There are probably other forces I've not considered. Likewise any of the above mentioned could be used for good to get me in the new place.

I know that my reading has been around the changes that God wants to do in my life. I guess I don't want to feel like I'm doing these changes all by myself. It'd be nice to do them in "community". I know that I need relationships that will love me, yet be willing to relate with me regularly to help keep me moving toward a more holy life. Sometimes, in my desire to go there, I understand there will be disagreements. I'd like to have dialogue, yet safety in these changing times.

It would seem to me that a shared vision emblazened with the passion of God would be the glue that would help hold things together through the changing times. Maybe that's what I'm looking for . . . Surely God would like to see that too?

Digging for Oil

2005-08-19T06:44:00.000-06:00

It's been awhile since I posted. My life seems to be in an interesting transition at the moment. I'm not sure what the days ahead will have for me, but I do know that I am leaning hard on Jesus during these times.

I'm not behind in my reading. I'm behind in the writing. Sometimes my mind thinks of so many things around what I'm reading that I can't figure out how to get it out my fingers! I've been reading and praying through "52 Days of Rebuilding Your Spirit, Receiving a New Anointing, and Unlocking Your Future" . There are just so many things to pray about and ponder that I just don't have the time on a daily basis to write what I am thinking. (whew!)

Here are the salient points of what I've been reading. These are the bold print of the document linked above.

My people are resisting the drill of discipline. My people are resisting My attempt to go deeper.
Do not agree with and settle on the wrong side of the river.
The River Jordan is rising! Do not fear the rising waters around you.
Purpose in your heart to be the first to step forward. I will surround your desert places with a redemptive thread.
If you will surround every desert that I give you, your inheritance will be secured and what seems dry will blossom.
This is a time when that which has been gray will become clear in your life.
This is a time to walk in My anointing and glory—not just look for it.
You are not aware that you are a glory carrier for this season.

The scriptures around these statements are so deep. I'm not sure how I can absorb this stuff on a daily basis. There's just a lot there. I think of all the things I am reading it is reassuring to know that the Father is giving me a choice to remain in my same circumstances or to move "across the Jordan" to the new place. He even said that there would be no condemnation - "but your expectation of Me will be lessened". That caused my heart to jump into my throat. It sounded like I would just "settle". My holy discontent just won't let me do that! (See Thurs, Aug 11, 2005 blog entry.)

These are days for the oil search of the Lord in my heart. I am encouraged to know that He feels there IS oil in there. It feels like months that I've cried out to God for the deeper things He has. I know that not everyone is interested in going there. I also know that probably more people than I realize DO want to search out His glorious riches. If God be for us, who can be against us?!!

Holy Discontent

2005-08-11T20:58:00.000-06:00

I am attending the Leadership Summit 2005. I was able to go because someone else had to back out at the last minute. I was almost in tears on Wednesday night as I watched the simulcast and realized that I was not able to go. A long time friend helped open a door and I found myself sitting in the Bill Hybels and Rick Warren sessions. It was so encouraging to me.

I have for quite awhile found myself with this inside passion thing for which I didn't have a label. I have wrestled between a couple of long time held thought processes. Questioning is not ok. Asking the "why" or asking "how" has seemed to be an unholy thing. It came down to the idea of "not touching the Lord's anointed". Honestly, I've always been pretty fearful of doing that and losing any sense of ministry the Lord might have through me. Everything I heard today, though, wasn't about wrestling with people. It was about a need not being met.

So, when I heard today about this thing called "holy discontentment", I realized that I really might have been feeling that for some time. This capacity for activism Hybels talked about is something I've felt. There's that extra shot of energy amidst a furnace of frustration. I was encouraged to hear him say that what brings me holy discontent very likely brings God holy discontent. I don't take that lightly. It's a huge risk, but something that becomes worth it in the light of staying the same. This holy discontent is about feeling wrecked about something. What is one thing that affects me? Comparing it to Popeye the Sailorman . . . "That's all I can stands. I can't stands no more!"

The Slow Stretch

2005-08-09T19:16:00.000-06:00

I confess I'm in a time where I feel tempted. I'm not sure with what exactly. I just know I feel restless.

The waiting is hard for me. I'm trying to pray for the new thing that was prophecied. I'm trying to listen for a new strategy of multiplication. I have been in pain physically more these past few days than I have for awhile. I don't know if it's stress or just tiredness. I do find myself reading stuff that puts ideas in my head. I just don't know if I have the faith to pursue those things. I know it's a stretching time. It feels like the shift is in progress, but it seems to be happening so very slowly. I need Holy Spirit's eyes to help me see the old paths that I just keep circling and then, how to step off the circle and onto a different path. I just keep thinking that I don't want to be the same in five years as I am today. Whether I have to go over rocks, through the forest or simply over some dirt, I just don't want to be the same.

Maybe I'm too worried about staying the same that I miss the opportunities to shift into the new place? I wonder how scary the new place is? Hmmmm . . .

Faith Is A Journey

2005-08-07T06:38:00.000-06:00

I am reading Out of the Question . . . into the Mystery by Leonard Sweet. The subtitle is Getting Lost in the Godlife Relationship.

I'm finding that my training has led me into a lifestyle that hasn't made much room for the mystery of Christ. I was taught that there is an answer for everything - I just have to find it. Of course the Bible was the place I was taught to always look.

While I do believe the Bible is God's handbook for living, it is not God Himself. Does that sound like an odd statement? I am finding that I actually have a better relationship with my Bible than I do God. It seems like the Holy Spirit has been prompting me for years to get to know God in a more personal way.

I have a friendship that has taught me much about relationship. My friend was the first person I called when I was in a crisis situation. The friend isn't even in this country, but my crisis was huge. My friend was comforting, yet helpful in direction. Our relationship has blazed a trail of commitment.

Sweet says "The true test of faith is not knowledge based. The true test of faith is a revelational, and relationship, test. Is Christ dead or alive in my life? Has the Jesus virus infected my life until my spirit is becoming His spirit? A relationship with God-loving God-is the fulfilling of the Law, according to Jesus. The moral law was written on tablets of stone. But Jesus rolled away the stone. The Jesus trimtab is now grafted into the human heart until 'as He is, so are we in this world," until 'Christ is formed in you.' " Out of the Question . . .Into the Mystery - page 30

Sweet goes on to describe churches that are lifeless. They are the ones with the form but no substance. They are fruitless. There is very little relational happenings, vertically or horizontally. Christ is a principle that says "Christ is the answer!" That statement almost seems blasphemous! Of course He is, I'm thinking. As I am thinking, reading and remembering I find I am most drawn to relationship. Looking at my friend, I see that I have a deep commitment. We surely do not always agree, but we ask questions of each other and spur one another to more than mere rote answers.

The journey . . .the journey . . . the journey . . . it's about the journey. Faith is a living ongoing thing. It's dynamic and living. Belief, on the other hand, is something that I look back upon. It doesn't mean that belief is bad, it just means that it isn't dynamic for the days ahead. It's more like a stone, something you build upon. My challenge has always been that I don't really revisit those beliefs all that much. I just camp on them, not questioning as I move on in the dynamics of my faith journey. (Insert heresy hunters and lightning bolts) Sweet is confronting me. To which do I cling - my stony beliefs or the relationship with God that might be moving my journey from faith to faith and possibly changing (reshaping) some of my beliefs?

What do I do when my belief stones aren't willing to move as my faith grows along the journey?

All Day Praise

2005-08-05T06:22:00.000-06:00

It's an all day opportunity. Working will give me plenty of openings to choose to praise the Lord. (insert smiley face here)

Even God's wonderful creation sometimes looks like it's not all that excited about what's happening too.

Why so downcast, oh my soul? Put your trust in God!

Even in a dry and barren land, the shadow I cast could mean hope for another. I pray that even my shadow will praise You, Father!

Clear Choices

2005-08-04T07:43:00.000-06:00

I've found myself striving so hard to make the "right" choices. There is so much to consider sometimes. How will this affect my family? How will this affect my friendships? What about the future? What about all the relationship investments of many years?

The pull seems to be between the pain of staying the same with it's promise of stale standardization or the pain of change and it's uncharted challenges. When standing at the crossroad of choice, neither looks all that inviting. I shudder at the old adage "you will not change until the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change".

James 1:8 that says "a double minded man is unstable in all his ways".

That's a picture of a person whose head is swinging back and forth looking and looking at the options trying to figure out the pros and cons. The person is frozen in time until he can get that choice made and set off on the corresponding journey.

Here are some select verses from Deuteronomy 30:

"11 This command I am giving you today is not too difficult for you to understand or perform.

14 The message is very close at hand; it is on your lips and in your heart so that you can obey it.

19 Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, that you and your descendants might live!

20 Choose to love the LORD your God and to obey him and commit yourself to Him, for He is your life."

I hear God saying that the choice isn't as hard as I am making it. The message is really in my heart. God is drawing a line in the sand and saying "choose". He's even telling me what choice to make. It's interesting, why do I struggle with the choice? Life and blessing surely is more inviting than death and curses!

So now . . . life and blessing is my choice.

The Window of My Future

2005-08-02T07:05:00.000-06:00

"This is the time to open up the window of your future. Do not go backward. Set aside 10 days to advance. Praise daily. Do not retreat. Do not allow the window of your future to close. Do not find yourself on the wrong side of Jordan where your promises cannot be completed and fulfilled."

I am challenged these days to praise, but I remember that God is always worthy of praise. It really isn't about how I feel, it's about who HE IS!

Ps. 34:11-14
" Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the LORD. Do any of you want to live a life that is long and good? Then watch your tongue! Keep your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Work hard at living in peace with others."

Those words are very much important to me. I want to be a person who lives in the truth. Sometimes the circumstances that surround me are telling me things that are not true. I have always been taught to "believe the best first". I am working hard to do that today. Sometimes the evidences that show themselves over time do not bear out truth. Sometimes they bear out more truth than I ever knew. That does something to a person's head - their belief system.

It's been several days since I've had time to think and write. I've missed writing my thoughts. This "stretching" is not always so fun. The past is very comfortable and cozy. The problem is when the "window of my future" opened, I can't even look back at what I was with any joy of going back there. The past was great. It's just not something I want to live in now.

It seems that the scripture reading I'm doing these days is a reminder that my lips need to have the praise of God on them. While I know that's important for all of the time, it is very important for now. I want the latter years of my life to be fruitful and rich. I want what I do to be meaningful for the Kingdom of God. The "window of my future" is not only seen with me in mind. It includes all who God brings into my life. It seems that the choices I make now will influence those people and opportunities. (I know it's not hugely complicated to understand - it's just very weighty on me at the moment.)

Help me, Father to remember that You have a better view than I do of the future. Lead me so I can hear You. I will try so hard to listen. I will lift up my voice to praise You with all that I have. I will do my part and trust that You are opening my eyes to see and believe. Thank You for Your revelation . . .

A Holy Spirit Visitation

2005-07-27T09:30:00.000-06:00

My reading today was Acts 16-19. What a picture over several years of Paul's travels!

I was struck by the fact that he went into a town and hunted for the "disciples". I guess he'd just ask around. He always headed for the nearest synagogue to find a place to reason with the Jews. Sometimes there would be trouble. The trouble might be from the religious leaders, but sometimes it also affected the economy of the city. The idol makers were threatened when Paul argued that those gods made with human hands had no power.

Paul became known for his ability to reason with the leaders about the truths of Jesus and His Resurrection. He helped teach those that were limited in their understanding about the work of Jesus. The Holy Spirit moved through Paul in miracles and healing as well as the Baptism with the Holy Spirit where people spoke in tongues. Paul wanted them to have all that God had to offer. He must have enjoyed watching the disciples open their hearts to the new expanses of God's plan for them.

Today I am supposed to be praying for a Holy Spirit visitation on "key churches in my region". I have to say that I really don't know who the "key churches" are. Are they the biggest ones? Are they the fastest growing ones? Are they the ones that have the most audacious vision? I am thinking they might be the ones that God knows have the most courage to reach for the wide open spaces of His thoughts and plans. He is looking for those outposts of freedom.

This is one of those times that I am glad I can pray in the Spirit knowing that He knows how I should pray when I don't.

Outposts of Freedom

2005-07-26T07:58:00.000-06:00

Does this plastered up rock wall look as unusual to you as it does to me?

This wall was crumbling so the forest rangers came along and plastered around the rock wall to make it more stable. When I saw this in the middle of a national forest, it looked so unnatural. While I know the rangers were trying to make it safe for people to be near, it certainly didn't look like it belonged in the pure, pristine beauty of a forest. This reminds me of something that wants to change but is not allowed to do so and is even plastered up to be less changable. Yes, it's "safer" in this application, but as something that naturally was changing, it is very much a picture of putting a stop to change.

From the prophetic word through Chuck Pierce:

"I am looking for places to establish Outposts of Freedom. I am looking for places that will war for the freedom of the Holy Spirit. This nation has prided itself in political freedom and religious freedom, but it has never experienced the freedom of the Holy Spirit. From these Outposts of Freedom I will begin to speak. I will begin to direct. I will begin to restructure the building plan for the future according to the Holy Spirit. My eyes are running to and fro, looking for places to establish these Outpost of Freedom." July 11th, 2005 - Chuck Pierce

Recently I wrote about the kind of church setting I thought would usher in the future of God's heart. I find myself going back to that writing. The main point I take away from that list by Hans Kung is that honesty really does go a long way. Being willing to admit and work on blind spots is so big for those who want to have community. I want to be invested in a place where the freedom of the Holy Spirit is not looked on as fanaticism. I want to invest my life in a building plan that will restructure when led by the Spirit to do so. The "machinery" of institution must be willing to redo itself if it is to remain fresh and vibrant. If we keep doing the same things, we will keep reaping the same things.

There probably won't be any restructuring of that plastered up rock wall. The wind and weather will not be moving it any time soon. Of course, the gentle breeze of the Holy Spirit wouldn't move that kind of spiritual wall either.

I guess it's how you look at the wall - very sturdy but also very unmovable.

The Making of a Disciple

2005-07-24T23:15:00.000-06:00

Jesus said,"Come, be my disciple". Matt 9:9 NLT

"Then Jesus said to the disciples, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross, and follow me. If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life. And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process? Is anything worth more than your soul?" Matt. 16:24-26 NLT

As I was reading more about Jesus' interaction with his diciples, I was reminded again that being a "disciple" is not just knowing how to live - it's about following Him. That speaks of action.

I recently found a church that clearly spells out discipling.

"Discipleship is nothing more than having a life product, being intentional about imparting that product, and spending enough time doing the right things to impart that product, so that the recipient of that life product will want to impart it as well." Randy Pope

Our life product is "being a mature and equipped follower of Christ for the lost world."

We are intentional about imparting our life product when we make a specific plan to not only reach out to the lost, but to then share with them what we have learned and teach them how to do the same. We spend enough time doing the right things to help someone become a mature and equipped follower of Christ when we meet with them regularly in a discipleship setting."

I am very aware of believers who separate their thinking from understanding - the "knowledge based" understanding"and the experiential based understanding". I have recently read (and I can't find it at the moment) that discipleship really doesn't happen until the person who's been taught begins to make decisions and choices that are thought of as missional. It's about community and relationship again. I realize that just because someone believes in Christ, they might not be equiped to live out their faith. The process of discipleship involves us getting involved, us learning and caring as we are sharping our faith. The process isn't through yet though. There will be several people who can help in the next steps of growth. As the disciplee grows, then it is time to bring on the "hands on" portion of discipling.

Only after the disciple wants to go through the times of learning, can she then realize that to make the power of discipling effective, the one being mentored needs to DO what they see the leader doing. There's a whole lot more that just being educated. Much more than just knowing how things "should" be. It's about living, relationship and community.

God is waiting for us!

Harvest in the Valley of Decision

2005-07-21T06:44:00.000-06:00

Harvest season has started in the valley where I live. Fruit is hanging from trees beconing to be picked before it's too late. "Too late" seems to be that moment of time where the fruit gives up it's final hold on the branch of the tree and falls to the ground. At that point, the orchardist usually just leaves it there. It cannot be sold for much of value because it's been bruised or marred in someway as a result of the fall.

Earlier in the season, those same orchardists were out in full force guarding their trees. Factors such as frost, wind or lack of water could have influenced the bearing of fruit. It is a warlike feeling as the caregivers are protecting the future harvest. Sometimes long hours of waiting just to see if one or two degrees of temperature affected a whole year's harvest. The days of watching the fruit mature bring hope as they are more hearty and can bear the challenges of weather.

This week I enjoyed my first taste of this year's peach crop. I was so excited to enjoy the fruit that I didn't bother to check it out to see if it was edible. It looked great! The fragrance of those peaches in the box filled my nostrils. Yum! I selected several from the box, put them in a sack and headed home to enjoy. At home, I washed a peach (getting off all that fuzz) anticipating the amazing taste to come.

What's this? Are those little bugs? Ack! Talk about disappointing! Dumb little bugs are in my beautiful peach! They looked wicked to me! In Joel 3, there is a description of the storage vats overflowing with the wickedness of people. Imagine thinking that you've stored something for the future and it has bugs in it! Bleah!

Immediately after that description of the storage vat problem is a statement that I've heard when people are being challenged to come to the Lord. "Thousands upon thousands are waiting in the valley of decision. It is there that the day of the LORD will soon arrive." (Joel 3:14) I know that the last part of the verse is seldom attached to the first part. I do believe, though, that wherever a believer is present there is the opportunity for "the day of the LORD" to arrive. I know the phrase is also eschatological, but I believe it can be very present minded as well.

I know that there are missed opportunities every day - to share the love of Jesus, to pour myself out for others, to model the heart of God to a lost world. I pray as people watch me closer they will know that sometimes there are those little bugs in me, but the Lord God is able to cleanse them out of me and help me walk in faithfulness and truth.

Relationships and Storytelling

2005-07-20T07:57:00.000-06:00

This whole process that Peter says we need to have to be "productive and useful in your knowlege of our Lord Jesus Christ", first starts with a faith that Jesus gives us. It's about getting to know Him better. The outflow of His power happens in that "knowing Jesus better" place. This is about relationship - not mere knowledge.

The empowerment that happens in relationship with Jesus opens our eyes to see his great and precious promises. I cannot stand on the outside of this relationship and try to understand those promises or the power that Jesus wants to pour into me. Later Peter describes that kind of vision as shortsighted.

Out of my relationship with Jesus (which produces faith), there will be levels of growth that will cause me to become productive and useful for Him. Now I really have always wanted to do that. Sometimes, I get ahead of the "relationship with Jesus part" and just jump to trying to become productive and useful for Him. I think my head is right on that desire, but my heart must take the time to know Him relationally more.

Sure I want more faith, a clear moral excellence, self-control, patient endurance, godliness and a true love for everyone! (I want it right now, in fact!) The challenge comes to see if I am willing to enter into that deeper relationship with Jesus whereby He teaches me at each of these points what is His heart and His way.

But how? It seems like those early Christians had Peter to remind them. In verses 12-15, Peter "nags" (almost) about reminding . . . keeping on reminding . . . make these things clear to you . . . and I want you to remember. I wonder if he scratched his beard and looked at them saying, I plan to keep on reminding you ... yes I believe that should keep reminding you . . .so I will work hard to make these things clear . . .I want you to remember them. Then he reminded them that he was an eyewitness to the power of Jesus. His faith didn't need clever stories. He had the real thing - the stories of the power of God. He was strengthened over the years by the demonstration of the power of Jesus Christ in his life. Even the giving of the Scriptures wasn't because someone wanted to have something of theirs read through the generations. The prophets didn't have that kind of heart. They wrote what God poured through them. Peter very clearly wants people to know that God's prophetic voice was at work.

At this point in my life, I am seeing that the older story tellers in my life are either too far away from me, or they aren't alive. I love to listen to the stories of God's mighty moves. I'm sure that people loved to hear those stories from Peter too. (I'm not sure if he'd weave movie clips into his dialogues if he were around today - he might - it could happen!) I am wondering if this is part of the unsettledness I am feeling these days. The stories of God's mighty power are becoming fewer to my ears. Oh, there's lots of things to read, but the thing that is missing is that relationship with the storyteller. I can almost get numb with the "wowzers" stories out there. I am hungry for relationships that are experiencing the move of God today in everyday living.

I am also wondering if it's my turn to be the storyteller. Ack! That feels huge to me. Peter explained that his experience of seeing the power of God caused a greater confidence to trust the Scriptures given by holy men of old. Could it be that there aren't enough storytellers of the power of God, so faith in the Scriptures are waning? The other night as I was thinking about having more input in the lives of younger people, I realized that I wanted to tell them about the power of God. I wanted to pray that the power of God would show up on them. I envisioned laughing together, playing together, praying together and telling stories together.

Peter was diligent to tell the stories. He had stories to tell. He had relationship both with Jesus and with those around him. That seems to be the key to storytelling . . . relationship.

Smoke, Smells and A Sword

2005-07-19T09:02:00.000-06:00

Song of Solomon 3 -
6 "Who is this sweeping in from the deserts like a cloud of smoke along the ground? Who is it that smells of myrrh and frankincense and every other spice?
7 Look, it is Solomon's carriage, with sixty of Israel's mightiest men surrounding it. 8 They are all skilled swordsmen and experienced warriors. Each one wears a sword on his thigh, ready to defend the king against an attack during the night."

I can imagine watching this cloud of smoke/dust coming from the desert as someone is standing on the wall watching in the distance. As the carriage got closer, there was a scent that wafted to the watcher to cause them to wonder who was coming. After a bit of time, they seemed to be able to recognize who was coming - the king and his men. Their reputation came with them. They were known.

If I have been rubbed by the desert sand so that I can better reflect the glory of God and I am breaking out of the wilderness, I am wondering about the next part of this growth process. It looks like there is that anointing of the spices (they are used for various things) as well as the warfare ready to defend against attacks.

Those warriors were experienced. I wonder if they ever got tired? There must have been a great allegiance to the King. My guess is that they were well trained and fine tuned to move at a moment's notice with great precision. I think I know what that kind of warrior is supposed to look like. I just have wondered if I could ever do all of that.

I'm going to have to think about that . . .

Wilderness Breaking - Pool Creating

2005-07-18T23:02:00.000-06:00

Is 35:6 - "For waters will break forth in the wilderness . . .

Sunday, a friend had prophetic word picture so she shared it with our lead intercessors. It was a picture of a huge dam that was bulging. Many people were going to be affected by the actions of a few people here and now. The picture showed people trying to patch up or strengthen the bulge in the dam so it wouldn't burst. The word was to just let the dam go. Don't try to patch up the dam. Let the water flow. I wonder what is trying to be "patched" up in my life, rather than just letting the water "break forth" through me?

Here's the next part of the prophecy from the 52 Days word: "I see the dusty place that you have been standing in. I will use the sand that has been covering you to exfoliate and remove a layer that’s held you captive. This is an hour to use the captivity structure around you to bring a benefit into your life. From your captivity I will cause you to shine in a new way. I have a people that I’m realigning and I have a people that I’m causing to shine, so do not be discouraged from the sand that’s been swirling around you for it will begin to exfoliate you and produce My glory. Your wilderness is breaking.'

It's interesting because later the scripture says the "scorched land will become a pool". When the dealings of God come, there will be eyes that see, ears that hear, lame who walk and shouts of joy. I can imagine people coming to this pool to drink as they are so thirsty. It's merely a rain water pool in rock. I can imagine groups of people walking by this pool. Some will be very satisfied, but some will be very thirsty. The scripture says that the redeemed will walk on a special highway - the Highway of Holiness. Among the many things that will be given because of the satisfaction found there, the "everylasting joy" strikes me as one of the most awesome. That's a lot of joy!

Ps 84 talks about people being blessed after entering in to the Highway to Holiness. Even passing through at our measure of faith, I will still go through trials. Those valleys build deep stuff in us. I was encouraged when I saw that this water had some pennies in it. Those pennies are held captive by the pool, but they are faithfully just shining when they are in the pool. The "captive" pennies will continue to "reflect" until the pool is completed. One day the pool will evaporate though. I think the "reflecting practice" (as in reflecting the glory of God) will still be something the penny will know how to do!

I think the dam is about to break. I think the pool will quickly be shaped and I am sure that my "penny" will be reflecting the glory of the Father. Come and break away my wilderness, Father!

Abiding Connectedness

2005-07-15T22:43:00.000-06:00

John 15:14 - "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me."

God seems to be shouting at me through this verse. I want so much to serve Him and that serving to produce fruit. Again, as I read the passage, I see that "abiding" is really the action needed. I know that if I am not connected to Him I forfeit the chance to bear true fruit. The doing good stuff just isn't where that is important. I do believe that we DO good works, yes, but they are not connected with God's acceptance of me. Abiding is staying connected.

If I want the power that comes from God to do His works I have got to be connected - abiding!

Baptism of Fire

2005-07-14T22:02:00.000-06:00

Psalm 81:10 - "I, the LORD, am your God, Who brought you up from the land of Egypt; Open your mouth wide and I will fill it."

Matthew 3:11b - "He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire."

These two verses stuck out to me. God was trying to show the people a way out. He'd already demonstrated His heart to do that in the Exodus. Jehovah the Elohim was declaring that to the people.

In the second passage, John the Baptist was declaring that Jesus was coming to do more than water baptism. He was going to baptize them in the Holy Spirit with fire. When I was preparing for Pentecost Sunday this year, I read about a Pentecost service that happened in 2004.

Here is a quote that Steve Taylor mentions in this article when he asks "What is pentecost?"

It is the challenge to move from spectacular, special, one-off, stars, to the mirrorball of God, rotating, light falling on everyone, young and old, men and woman.

When God says "I, the Lord, am your God", He was saying "I, Jehovah, am your Elohim". Not only is He all that I need for life (Jehovah), He is MY Elohim (the god of all Gods)! If He speaks to open my mouth that He might fill it, it just seems like to start getting the mouth open!

What is a baptism of fire? Fire is hot. It purifies. It kills harmful things. It warms. It is mesmirizing. It burns within. It cannot be quenched. It must have it's out working in a person's life or they feel like they are going crazy. It is passionate. It stirs vision and mission. The normal things have no meaning now. They are mere forms of what the baptism of fire has blazed into the innermost part the soul. Mind, will and emotions are heightened to press on into even the most challenging places because of the unquenchable desire to share Jesus and His story.

While I'm not sure I am on fire like the rock in the picture, there is something happening in me that tells me I am not the same as I have been. Something is going on. My heart has become about working mature believers into ministry places and giving them a taste of success rather than me just DO it - for the sake of doing it.

I look forward to the blowing of the Holy Spirit on me. Blow the dead, dry, legalistic structures off me. Boy . . . sometimes I can't believe how stuck I am it it. Imagine that mirrorball of God continually turning and throwing off the reflection of His glory onto (and through) men and women. No one is pushing or shoving or manipulating to "catch" the reflection of His glory. It's hitting everyone - as in all flesh. That includes me!

Fresh Work for New Life Patterns

2005-07-13T16:34:00.000-06:00

"Holy Spirit is bringing a new release, a fresh anointing, a fresh outpouring. The windows of heaven are pouring out a fresh flow of the River of Life. Holy Spirit’s wind is blowing away the old, the dead, the dry legalistic structures. I am longing to do a new work in you. There is more for you to receive, so drink in and let Me begin a fresh work in you from this fresh flow of the Spirit. Let freedom reign. Open your mouth and allow Holy Spirit to fill you with His baptizing work." (prayer guide and scripture here)

From Acts 1-2

I know that I am feeling some form of grief. I've been told that I have been going through several of the stages of grief for at least a year now. Frozen feelings, emotional release, loneliness, physical sysmptons and guilt have plagued me. I've moved into a bit of a panic in my situation not really knowing what was next. Hostility seems to well up in me. It's a feeling that I've given my life and still, not a whole lot to show for it.

Then I realize that what I am feeling may or may not be all that true. I find that I have prayed more this past year than I can remember in years past. I know that there are intercessors praying for me - prophecying over me. It feels like the Lord IS intervening. I am just not sure how. I think something is coming to the surface in direction and mission. It seems like a God thing. I do tremble sometimes (in fear and awe) at the thoughts that I believe God is putting in me. They are not particularly new, but they do seem life transforming to me.

Our intercessors have been praying for rain for the last year or so. This year has had the greatest rainfall in years in our state. I know that is a picture of the rain of God desiring to pour on me (and us).

On the stages of grief there is a point called "selective memory". I'm not sure if that a good thing or not, but I don't think I'm there yet. At the moment much of what I think about from past years is pouring into my head and causing me to wonder.

The next step after that is about struggling for new life patterns. THAT is where I feel like I am. I don't know if I'm skipping something or not in the stages of grief, but I do know that I see possibilities for new life patterns. The challenge for me is how to start. When someone dies, there just seems to be a cleaner break to start the new life pattern. When you try to pattern new wine in old wineskin systems, it just feels hard.

But, how do you ever get to grow? Do you change the wineskin everytime there is growth in your life? My experience tells me that that is just running for greener pastures. How do you allow for growth in people and let them live in those new life patterns? Do you let people know that "TODAY is my new life pattern change day"? Sounds funny . .but how is that done?

52 Days of Rebuilding, Receiving and Unlocking

2005-07-13T15:55:00.000-06:00

Today I was sent an email that caught my attention. I receive many emails from various groups, but I chose to open this one particularly.

I'm going to take the 52 day challenge of praying, Bible reading and blogging. It seemed right as I was reading, so I have a sense of anticipation of these days as I commit myself to doing this.

You're welcome to join me or just comment on what I say. We can disagree and/or dialogue. I guess we can agree and/or dialogue too, for that matter!

Below is the prophetic introduction for the 52 day assignment.

"We are pressing into the time to gain victory completely in our thought processes. Allow the Lord to draw out old desires. He will remove some and activate others. Your thought life can be revolutionized during this time. Even though this may be a hard couple of months of war, these are your breakthrough times. Stick close to the Lord and develop a prayer shield around you. Stay in the Word, pray in the Spirit and let your discernment increase. The Lord will uncover some key issues related to the blood of Jesus, the glory, and physical healing. If you will celebrate at this time, you will break through the “blood barrier” (yadah note: I am not all that sure what this means.) of old thought-processes. This will produce a victory mentality for the rest of the year. Death strategies and assignments will break. You can have victory and see healing of the mind. No longer do you have to be hung between two opinions. Break doublemindedness."

Come Holy Spirit and be my Teacher . . .

Faith for a Paradigm Shift

2005-07-12T16:48:00.000-06:00

In all my years of ministry, I have created and envisioned and led in creative places that "no one would go". I usually had a foundational faith platform from which I lept into those unknowns. Something happens though, when you find that your faith platform needs an overhaul. It's not as though I suddenly find God in a different way. How I think He wants to work in our world is not as clean and easy as I have always declared. Well, easy might not be the exact term . .but . .neat and tidy . .the proverbial . .'if you do . . . then God will".

I recently read a transcript of an interview with Rick Warren. Whatever your thinking is about him, he is clear on what paradigms he will change . .and which ones he will not. He says he didn't change his lifestyle or his passionate desire to lead people to Christ. It's always been about people. He did say that he'd change according to the culture or at least meet people where they are and give them Jesus.

Now . .the idea of being willing to do those kinds of paradigm shifts is what intrigues me. Christians are told that they are to be in the world but not "of" it. My training really leaned on the "not of it" part. I think I am seeing the "in the world" part a little more clearly these days. I think the whole idea of "in the world" needs more intentionality in a believer's life. Now, it could be that I have been in this mode more that others. I just don't know. The thought of actually planning my life, setting my goals, even moving to a predetermined neighborhood for the purpose of impacting those around me has really only just dawned on me lately.

For example, I really wanted my church to hire me to do some things that they really have not been doing. There's just not enough manpower, or even planning to consider what I was thinking about. Finances are always the problem. (After seeing this go on for years, I wonder if we should just chuck our whole system and try again, you know?) A couple of years ago, I was struck with the idea of putting myself in a place to touch people. I can do that every time I work at my job. I am a cashier. I've never done that before this, but I "sold" the idea on the store manager and was hired. Now, every day I work, there are people I touch. Sometimes it's my coworkers. Sometimes it's our customers. I feel like I have worthwhile intentional ministry to people. I am in such a much better place to fulfill the mission of my life - to reconcile the world to Christ.

Here's my challenge . . . I don't know very many people who live like that. I would love to have people to talk and pray with daily about this. My friends who live like this are not my "in person" friends. They are mostly on the internet. We gather to talk about our day and see what God is up to in different situations. It's like a grand gathering. Blogs give that opportunity too within the time space that it takes to read them. I wonder if there are "in person" people who'd do the paradigm shift and be both? (blog and be "in person" too!)

This is getting too long . . . more another time.

To What Kind of Church Does the Future Belong?

2005-07-08T19:32:00.000-06:00

"Lord . . . may I keep in step with You. I want to be Your church moving into the future."

To what kind of church does the future belong?

Not to a church that is lazy, shallow, indifferent, timid, and weak in its faith;
Not to a church that expects blind obedience and fanatical party loyalty;
Not to a church that is the slave of its own history, always putting on the brakes, suspiciously defensive and yet, in the end, forced into agreement;
Not to a church that is anti-critical, practically anti-intellectual and dilettantish (showing frivolous or superficial interest - ed. addition)
Not to a church that is blind to problems, suspicious of empirical knowledge, yet claiming competent authority for everyone and everything;
Not to a church that is quarrelsome, impatient, and unfair in dialogue;
Not to a church that is closed to the real world.

In short, the future does not belong to a church that is dishonest!

No, the future belongs:

To a church that knows what it does not know,
To a church that relies upon God's grace and wisdom and has in its
weakness and ignorance a radical confidence in God;
To a church that is strong in faith, joyous, and certain, yet self-critical;
To a church filled with intellectual desire, spontaneity, animation, and
fruitfulness;
To a church that has the courage of initiative, and the courage to take risks;
To a church that is altogether open to the real world.

In short, the future belongs to a thoroughly truthful church.

Source: McBride, J.L. (1998) Spiritual Crisis: Surviving The Trauma To The Soul, Haworth Press. Pg 53.

Being Willing to Risk

2005-07-08T18:59:00.000-06:00

I am challenged today to understand the thinking of those who are not willing to risk. When you are at the bottom, what difference does a risk make? Can you go any further down? You can always keep encouraging yourself that things are going to get better, but when does mere activity really give way to measurable results? When do you say, enough is enough?

I found this the other day at the end of an article called "Chocolate Chip Spirituality":
"Spirituality viewed linearly has a beginning and an end. It is more static and not acceptable to change. If an individual follows the prescribed plan, she will arrive at the forecasted destination. Arriving somewhere other than planned would be considered unsuccessful. But a spirituality that is fluid will never reach a destination. It keeps moving forward always gaining, growing, and improving. Jesus told His disciples that He had done what He saw the Father doing. That is the heartbeat of a fluid spirituality. It is willing to forsake a step-by-step plan and follow God into the unknown. Not desiring her own individual well being, a fluid believer takes the initiative to move with the Father even in uncertainty. Chocolate Chip, A-B-C, 1-2-3 spirituality is nothing but imitation. It's not real or authentic. It seeks to mirror the spirituality of another instead of the Creator. And that is where the cookie crumbles. It's time we set out on the adventure of Spiritual Fluidity."

Anyone wanna come along?