Contemplative Days

Thanks to those who have nudged me about becoming slack in my blogging ventures. Makes me feel good that someone is reading them!

I have been doing my reading that I promised a couple of weeks ago. Again, there is just so much in those readings that I don't have the time (nor you the probable reading interest) to blog on them. I'll try to get highlights soon.

It feels like a tsunami has hit my life. It's hard to really get too descriptive because too many people read this who wouldn't understand my consternation in these days. I think I am coming to understand more clearly the physics principle of inertia. Change is hard. Whether I have to begin something I've not done before or whether I need to change directions from my current path, there has to be an external force to initiate the change. How do I do that? Who or what do I allow to be that "force"? What is the final pressure that will create the change so badly needed? Would it be finances . . . fear . . . frustration . . . hopelessness? Could it be anticipation . . . new vision . . . Holy Spirit nudge? There are probably other forces I've not considered. Likewise any of the above mentioned could be used for good to get me in the new place.

I know that my reading has been around the changes that God wants to do in my life. I guess I don't want to feel like I'm doing these changes all by myself. It'd be nice to do them in "community". I know that I need relationships that will love me, yet be willing to relate with me regularly to help keep me moving toward a more holy life. Sometimes, in my desire to go there, I understand there will be disagreements. I'd like to have dialogue, yet safety in these changing times.

It would seem to me that a shared vision emblazened with the passion of God would be the glue that would help hold things together through the changing times. Maybe that's what I'm looking for . . . Surely God would like to see that too?

Digging for Oil

It's been awhile since I posted. My life seems to be in an interesting transition at the moment. I'm not sure what the days ahead will have for me, but I do know that I am leaning hard on Jesus during these times.

I'm not behind in my reading. I'm behind in the writing. Sometimes my mind thinks of so many things around what I'm reading that I can't figure out how to get it out my fingers! I've been reading and praying through "52 Days of Rebuilding Your Spirit, Receiving a New Anointing, and Unlocking Your Future" . There are just so many things to pray about and ponder that I just don't have the time on a daily basis to write what I am thinking. (whew!)

Here are the salient points of what I've been reading. These are the bold print of the document linked above.

• My people are resisting the drill of discipline. My people are resisting My attempt to go deeper.
• Do not agree with and settle on the wrong side of the river.
• The River Jordan is rising! Do not fear the rising waters around you.
• Purpose in your heart to be the first to step forward. I will surround your desert places with a redemptive thread.
• If you will surround every desert that I give you, your inheritance will be secured and what seems dry will blossom.
• This is a time when that which has been gray will become clear in your life.
• This is a time to walk in My anointing and glory—not just look for it.
• You are not aware that you are a glory carrier for this season.

The scriptures around these statements are so deep. I'm not sure how I can absorb this stuff on a daily basis. There's just a lot there. I think of all the things I am reading it is reassuring to know that the Father is giving me a choice to remain in my same circumstances or to move "across the Jordan" to the new place. He even said that there would be no condemnation - "but your expectation of Me will be lessened". That caused my heart to jump into my throat. It sounded like I would just "settle". My holy discontent just won't let me do that! (See Thurs, Aug 11, 2005 blog entry.)

These are days for the oil search of the Lord in my heart. I am encouraged to know that He feels there IS oil in there. It feels like months that I've cried out to God for the deeper things He has. I know that not everyone is interested in going there. I also know that probably more people than I realize DO want to search out His glorious riches. If God be for us, who can be against us?!!

Holy Discontent

I am attending the Leadership Summit 2005. I was able to go because someone else had to back out at the last minute. I was almost in tears on Wednesday night as I watched the simulcast and realized that I was not able to go. A long time friend helped open a door and I found myself sitting in the Bill Hybels and Rick Warren sessions. It was so encouraging to me.

I have for quite awhile found myself with this inside passion thing for which I didn't have a label. I have wrestled between a couple of long time held thought processes. Questioning is not ok. Asking the "why" or asking "how" has seemed to be an unholy thing. It came down to the idea of "not touching the Lord's anointed". Honestly, I've always been pretty fearful of doing that and losing any sense of ministry the Lord might have through me. Everything I heard today, though, wasn't about wrestling with people. It was about a need not being met.

So, when I heard today about this thing called "holy discontentment", I realized that I really might have been feeling that for some time. This capacity for activism Hybels talked about is something I've felt. There's that extra shot of energy amidst a furnace of frustration. I was encouraged to hear him say that what brings me holy discontent very likely brings God holy discontent. I don't take that lightly. It's a huge risk, but something that becomes worth it in the light of staying the same. This holy discontent is about feeling wrecked about something. What is one thing that affects me? Comparing it to Popeye the Sailorman . . . "That's all I can stands. I can't stands no more!"

The Slow Stretch

I confess I'm in a time where I feel tempted. I'm not sure with what exactly. I just know I feel restless.

The waiting is hard for me. I'm trying to pray for the new thing that was prophecied. I'm trying to listen for a new strategy of multiplication. I have been in pain physically more these past few days than I have for awhile. I don't know if it's stress or just tiredness. I do find myself reading stuff that puts ideas in my head. I just don't know if I have the faith to pursue those things. I know it's a stretching time. It feels like the shift is in progress, but it seems to be happening so very slowly. I need Holy Spirit's eyes to help me see the old paths that I just keep circling and then, how to step off the circle and onto a different path. I just keep thinking that I don't want to be the same in five years as I am today. Whether I have to go over rocks, through the forest or simply over some dirt, I just don't want to be the same.

Maybe I'm too worried about staying the same that I miss the opportunities to shift into the new place? I wonder how scary the new place is? Hmmmm . . .

Faith Is A Journey

I am reading Out of the Question . . . into the Mystery by Leonard Sweet. The subtitle is Getting Lost in the Godlife Relationship.

I'm finding that my training has led me into a lifestyle that hasn't made much room for the mystery of Christ. I was taught that there is an answer for everything - I just have to find it. Of course the Bible was the place I was taught to always look.

While I do believe the Bible is God's handbook for living, it is not God Himself. Does that sound like an odd statement? I am finding that I actually have a better relationship with my Bible than I do God. It seems like the Holy Spirit has been prompting me for years to get to know God in a more personal way.

I have a friendship that has taught me much about relationship. My friend was the first person I called when I was in a crisis situation. The friend isn't even in this country, but my crisis was huge. My friend was comforting, yet helpful in direction. Our relationship has blazed a trail of commitment.

Sweet says "The true test of faith is not knowledge based. The true test of faith is a revelational, and relationship, test. Is Christ dead or alive in my life? Has the Jesus virus infected my life until my spirit is becoming His spirit? A relationship with God-loving God-is the fulfilling of the Law, according to Jesus. The moral law was written on tablets of stone. But Jesus rolled away the stone. The Jesus trimtab is now grafted into the human heart until 'as He is, so are we in this world," until 'Christ is formed in you.' " Out of the Question . . .Into the Mystery - page 30

Sweet goes on to describe churches that are lifeless. They are the ones with the form but no substance. They are fruitless. There is very little relational happenings, vertically or horizontally. Christ is a principle that says "Christ is the answer!" That statement almost seems blasphemous! Of course He is, I'm thinking. As I am thinking, reading and remembering I find I am most drawn to relationship. Looking at my friend, I see that I have a deep commitment. We surely do not always agree, but we ask questions of each other and spur one another to more than mere rote answers.

The journey . . .the journey . . . the journey . . . it's about the journey. Faith is a living ongoing thing. It's dynamic and living. Belief, on the other hand, is something that I look back upon. It doesn't mean that belief is bad, it just means that it isn't dynamic for the days ahead. It's more like a stone, something you build upon. My challenge has always been that I don't really revisit those beliefs all that much. I just camp on them, not questioning as I move on in the dynamics of my faith journey. (Insert heresy hunters and lightning bolts) Sweet is confronting me. To which do I cling - my stony beliefs or the relationship with God that might be moving my journey from faith to faith and possibly changing (reshaping) some of my beliefs?

What do I do when my belief stones aren't willing to move as my faith grows along the journey?

All Day Praise

It's an all day opportunity. Working will give me plenty of openings to choose to praise the Lord. (insert smiley face here)

Even God's wonderful creation sometimes looks like it's not all that excited about what's happening too.

Why so downcast, oh my soul? Put your trust in God!

Even in a dry and barren land, the shadow I cast could mean hope for another. I pray that even my shadow will praise You, Father!

Clear Choices

I've found myself striving so hard to make the "right" choices. There is so much to consider sometimes. How will this affect my family? How will this affect my friendships? What about the future? What about all the relationship investments of many years?

The pull seems to be between the pain of staying the same with it's promise of stale standardization or the pain of change and it's uncharted challenges. When standing at the crossroad of choice, neither looks all that inviting. I shudder at the old adage "you will not change until the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change".

James 1:8 that says "a double minded man is unstable in all his ways".

That's a picture of a person whose head is swinging back and forth looking and looking at the options trying to figure out the pros and cons. The person is frozen in time until he can get that choice made and set off on the corresponding journey.

Here are some select verses from Deuteronomy 30:

"11 This command I am giving you today is not too difficult for you to understand or perform.

14 The message is very close at hand; it is on your lips and in your heart so that you can obey it.

19 Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, that you and your descendants might live!

20 Choose to love the LORD your God and to obey him and commit yourself to Him, for He is your life."

I hear God saying that the choice isn't as hard as I am making it. The message is really in my heart. God is drawing a line in the sand and saying "choose". He's even telling me what choice to make. It's interesting, why do I struggle with the choice? Life and blessing surely is more inviting than death and curses!

So now . . . life and blessing is my choice.

The Window of My Future

"This is the time to open up the window of your future. Do not go backward. Set aside 10 days to advance. Praise daily. Do not retreat. Do not allow the window of your future to close. Do not find yourself on the wrong side of Jordan where your promises cannot be completed and fulfilled."

I am challenged these days to praise, but I remember that God is always worthy of praise. It really isn't about how I feel, it's about who HE IS!

Ps. 34:11-14
" Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the LORD. Do any of you want to live a life that is long and good? Then watch your tongue! Keep your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Work hard at living in peace with others."

Those words are very much important to me. I want to be a person who lives in the truth. Sometimes the circumstances that surround me are telling me things that are not true. I have always been taught to "believe the best first". I am working hard to do that today. Sometimes the evidences that show themselves over time do not bear out truth. Sometimes they bear out more truth than I ever knew. That does something to a person's head - their belief system.

It's been several days since I've had time to think and write. I've missed writing my thoughts. This "stretching" is not always so fun. The past is very comfortable and cozy. The problem is when the "window of my future" opened, I can't even look back at what I was with any joy of going back there. The past was great. It's just not something I want to live in now.

It seems that the scripture reading I'm doing these days is a reminder that my lips need to have the praise of God on them. While I know that's important for all of the time, it is very important for now. I want the latter years of my life to be fruitful and rich. I want what I do to be meaningful for the Kingdom of God. The "window of my future" is not only seen with me in mind. It includes all who God brings into my life. It seems that the choices I make now will influence those people and opportunities. (I know it's not hugely complicated to understand - it's just very weighty on me at the moment.)

Help me, Father to remember that You have a better view than I do of the future. Lead me so I can hear You. I will try so hard to listen. I will lift up my voice to praise You with all that I have. I will do my part and trust that You are opening my eyes to see and believe. Thank You for Your revelation . . .