Good News

This is one of those posts I've been waiting a long time to write. If we heard our family practice doctor correctly, the scans that my husband had to have, including the extras, were all negative. There was a question of the surgery happening if the scans shows anything they shouldn't. The good news is that the surgery is going to happen! YA!

Thanks and keep up the good praying!

Close and Precise

We had the priviledge to have the Blue Angels in an air show here in our town last year. We were standing on a hill where they did a low "fly by". I felt like I could have given the pilot a drink of Pepsi as he flew past us! (It was loud enough too!)

I was reminded that those pilots have hours and hours and hours of training for the precision work they do. They move as a team. I want to move that closely and precisely with my Father God. It's amazing to me that God wants to let me hear Him and move in precision with Him. Why would he do that? Got me . . . Maybe He gets the thrill of the closeness and precision as one of His kids determines to follow with every bit of their being?

You lead, Father . . . I will nestle right up close to You and learn to sense Your movement and go where You are going.

More Tests

Just a fast update . . .

Wanted to note that my husband will be having an additional CT scan. His doctors noticed some "spots" on his lungs and were concerned enough to want a better look. Our family doctor kept asking my husband if he had had a childhood injury. My husband couldn't remember those, but he was an Eagle Scout, so who knows what all might have happened?!

Hearing the techie people discuss this stuff unnerves a person when overheard. My husband is really showing no symptoms, so it's pretty odd to think anything foreign could be happening. I know though, that God is able to keep us. God knows our days. We just want to live them fruitfully and faithfully.

Thanks for praying for us as you read this . . .

Where Has May Gone?

Holy smokes! May is almost over! Ok . . .truthfully . . . we've been trying to finish my daughter's schooling like mad women. I've been working more . .. then less. I'll explain that later.

We have the scoop on my husband. He has prostate cancer. He will have surgery to remove his prostate on June 14th in Delta. Our insurance only allows us to use one urologist in our area. His practice is in Delta (and Montrose) right across the parking lot from the Delta Hospital. (Delta is about 45 minutes from our front door.) I don't remember the name of the hospital. I'm sure I'll be more familiar with it in the coming days - physically and from the receipt of bills!

Tomorrow he will have two tests - a CT scan and a bone scan. I guess that's pretty routine for this urologist to order those. He really wants to know what medical stuff he's facing when he goes to surgery. Tonight he will be swallowing the 16 oz of water with the "stuff" in it that will help with tomorrow's CT scan. He's going to put some Stevia (sweetener) in the water to hopefully help him get past the bitterness of the meds. He's gearing up for it now!

I am waiting for the job interview I have on June 6th. I have turned down at least two other jobs that would be too many hours per week for me. It was hard for me to come to those decisions because the money was pretty good. I am hoping for good things with the upcoming interview.

I have been dealing with a twisted knee. I was heading out the door one morning to take my husband to work. I caught the soul of my right shoe under the door. I know . . . how clumsy is that??? So I wouldn't fall down my porch (and really look dumb), I caught myself on my left leg. I landed wrong and twisted my knee. I barely could walk. Calling in sick to work, I knew I was unable to stand on it for the 7 hours I was to work that day. I had the next day off, so I felt that I could rehab my knee in that time. Late the next day, my work called and said that I would need to have a doctor's approval to come back to work. Yikes! That call was late Friday afternoon. I had to wait until Monday to call the doctor. I enjoyed the weekend off, but it didn't bring in any income, that's for sure.

My doctor released me to go back to work. I confess that my knee is still hurting, but it's getting better. My sister has had several knee surgeries so she's an expert on how to help. She gave me the scoop and I obeyed her. When my knee starts to stiffen up, I just wrap the heating pad around it for a little bit. Frankly, it's sitting around that stiffens it up most. I'm usually pretty ok at work. Of course, ibuprofen is my friend!

There's probably more, but that's the bare bones of the last two weeks.

Sometime I'll blog about what's happening in my heart . . .

Life Continues . . .

About that job . . . looks like it will be June 6th before I have the second interview and the hiring date is in late July! Wow! I was just a bit frustrated that it was so strung out. Oh well . . . I know that God is at work on my behalf. I just need to keep doing what I am supposed to do and not get weary in "well doing". Ok . . . I can do that . .yeah . . . I can . . .

My husband will find out the results of his prostate biopsy this week. I think we're not stressing too much on that. It's interesting to remember that we've prayed and the Great Physician is aware of our need. How He will heal now is yet to be seen. We wait . . .

College is interesting. I'm reading books that don't interest me all that much. I really have to read them because the discussion in class will be graded, so I need to have something to say. I can't remember a time when I didn't have something to say! (Oh boy . . . did I open myself up for that one?!)

We went to a training this afternoon about how to discuss the falicies of the DaVinci Code as people have questions. There's really something believable about giving a partial truth and mixing it with a huge lie. I once heard the larger the lie the greater the believeability. I want to have an anser for the hope that is within me. At the meeting today, we were given a microwave popcorn bag with an invitation stuck to it. It's to give to people who have seen the movie and have some questions or were startled by what they saw. Our church is providing three Wednesday nights in a row for a short video that speaks to four specific errors in the movie and a Q & A time afterwards. As I was leaving the church today, I saw that there were extra invitation popcorn bags. She looked at me and said "These have your name on them!" I took them because I know that God will show me how I might give them out wisely. I was thinking I might go hang around the movie theater and offer them to folks as they are leaving. I'm going to pray about what would be a creative way to use them in the most wise way. If anyone has ideas . . . put them in the comments!

A Mixed Bag of Thoughts

It's been a week! Looks like another one's coming, too!

I have to wait another week to find out about a job that I applied for about a month ago. I'm working through how long it takes for employers to select someone to hire. I know that once you hire someone, getting rid of them is hard. There's probably a real push to make sure that who they pick is a great candidate. The challenge for me was the window of the application process was supposed to be closed two weeks ago. Right before that day, I was emailed and informed that the process would be open two weeks more. I know there are reasons for that, but it messes with the pysche. If I wasn't completely sure that God is in control of my life, I'd be wondering what was going on. From the beginning of this job search, I've asked Him to open and close doors according to His will. I trust that He is doing that!

My husband will be having a biopsy this week. His blood levels weren't good when given the test for prostate cancer. So, he will undergo that process this week. Our challenge is that our insurance only covers one urologist in a 50 mile radius. Of course, he is about 40 miles from us! Now, my husband has to take off work to be able to get to the appointment. I've put prayer requests on a couple of prayer chains. God is our healer and we will walk close by Him throughout this process.

Because my job opportunity hasn't happened yet, I am still clinging to my old job. I have a great manager. She thought that I was going to work the job I am at PLUS picking up this new one. I am not so sure I could do that and do two college courses in the next 5 weeks. I am working about 12-20 hours a week (depending on the week) now. The new job would be about 24 hours a week and I'd choose my own hours (Mon - Fri). I'd like to take a second class this five weeks at college, but it is a Saturday morning class - 8am to noon. Normally, I have to work every other Saturday from 11am - 8:30pm. If I took this class, I'd need to come in to work about 1pm. Because of summer's low cash flow, I don't know if my manager will be able to work around me not being at work for those first 2 hours. She is thinking about it. I should know this week because my first class would be this coming Saturday.

We all have Spring Fever! That just means we all want to head for the mountains, breathe the fresh air and fish in the lakes and streams. People are working in their yards around here. I am doing as much as my body will allow me to do. I get really sore from shoveling. At least it doesn't effect my piano playing becuase I'm doing very little of that these days. Our house needs a coat of paint as well. I'm not sure I have the funds to cover the Spring Fever wishes!

Seven Credits Down

Here's what I'm looking at on my desktop.

This picture makes me want to go fishing! Today or Saturday would be about the only time I could because the Summer university schedule starts on Monday. No rest for the weary, they say!

It's been fun taking seven credits of college in five weeks. I think I did a pretty good job though. My profs were great and really helpful. This was my first trek back into the world of academia. It's been an adventure. I'll say that I've met some great people and had opportunity to share some good stories. In my Biology class, for instance, were people working toward their teaching certificates. They were trying to get the general education classes out of the way before they started on the degree specific courses. This Biology course was called Biological Diversity. We talked a lot about ethics in Biology. I came away from this class knowing that the rate of discovery is ahead of the rate of ethical clarity. Going back and revisiting previous discussions in the area of ethics is really important.

My other class was a Computer Information Systems class. It helped sharpen my skills as I use Microsoft Office 2003. Excel is something that has always felt a bit ominous. It's less frightful to me now. I had some fun with Power Point and Word. I am trying to decide if I want to consider a Project Management Certificate along with my degree. I hear this is a great tool to have in my management skill set. It means four more courses though, so I'm just trying to decide if I want to do that work. This certificate teaches the technical aspects of project planning. I'm not sure that I'd ever be planning a major project, but it's hard to say. My professor thinks it would add $20,000 to my yearly income. Goodness . . . I don't make THAT to start with!

Today I am waiting for a textbook to come. The course is American Literature II. Did I take American Lit I? Uhm . .nope . .but . .I'm told both classes are stand alones. I checked the online syllabus for the class and discovered that the book mentioned in the syllabus is not the same one that the bookstore said was for this class. Yikes! So, now I have to wait until I get the book, check it out with the assignments online and THEN determine if I have the correct book. In the meantime, I'm looking at my desktop picture and thinking that I might enjoy hanging out at that lake this weekend. Ohhhhhh . . . it might not even be open yet. There's probably still snow. That lake is about 10,000 feet above sea level. Hmmm . . . I might have to call the lodge up there and ask!

Enjoy the picture while you listen!

The Determination of the Lord

I appreciate determination! I appreciate setting your mind to something and, like Captain Picard says, "Make it so!"

I know there are plenty of scriptures that will help a person know how to follow Christ. I was thinking of all of the "put on" or "one another" verses and then the "put off" or "lay aside" or "turn away" verses too.

Yeah . . . I do let my heart start making plans when I think something is coming. A friend wrote me today to encourage me and remind me that IF I really am asking God to lead me, then I'd better figure that He is working to do that. Seems very simple, but when the plans I was running through in my heart didn't seem to work out, I was wondering what was going on. I don't think I'm doubting God - or it doesn't feel like that. I usually wonder what other people are up to. After that, I wonder if I am really just kidding myself about what I think. I can't remember the last time I doubted God. I think if I ever started to doubt God, I'd probably be pretty unstable. He has been my rock for so long, it just seems impossible that He'd mess with my head or purposefully pull the rug out from under me. Nope . . . that's not God!

My daughter wrote this verse last year. It's a good reminder for me!

Where Does a "Good Fit" Look Like?

I created this logo (with some help from Microsoft) for an assignment I have in a university class. It expresses my idea of how I would help people put together the various ways they are gifted and empassioned. It just seems like a person with these qualities might find that no matter the situation, they could get a grip on their surroundings and help where there is a need. This person would be more directed and clear in their own personal mission. I thought that sounded like a good thing.

Can a person who has clarity of focus in these four areas really "fit" with others who don't have the same focus in each of these areas? Some might say "yes!" . . some might say "not a chance!" The jury's still out for me on this.

My personal mission doesn't need to be the mission of my employer. I could actually embrace the vision of a company and still not lose my own personal vision. Do employers look for people who will lose themselves so much in the company that the employee actual has no personal vision of their own? I guess if you're on company time, you are the company's . . . period. I wonder though if employers really want mindless employees. Hmmm . . . I know they want cooperative ones. Employers probably would enjoy employees that have enough on the ball to see roadblocks coming and tactfully share them. Again, that would mean that employers would want to hear from employees and there was an open door policy for fresh thinking and ideas.

The fun thing about this logo is that the puzzle pieces come apart. No matter where those individual pieces travel, eventually they get back to "fit" together. Those four qualities are a good fit. Happy is the employer who finds someone whose qualities do fit!

Living Water Flow

This little trickle of water reminds me of the trickle of hope I have facing this new week. I have great confidence that God is working on my behalf. I know that the ecosystem in this picture is small in size, but very balanced in its own right. The water is flowing at just the right speed to quench the thirst of the plants around it. Yet, it's not too fast or large to physically tear the plants away from the earth where they are rooted. The moss attached to the front of a rock enjoys the moisture of the water without the erosion that would happen if the stream became larger. The ecosystem is just right!

I just came from church where we sang a song called "We Are Hungry". One line in the song says "living water flow down on me". Sometimes my vision of living water flowing down on me is this deluge sort of thing. As I was reminded of this picture and found it again, I remembered that, though the water was not a rushing deluge, it IS a huge part of the ecosystem of this small area of the forest. I am guessing that our Father God really understands the volume of the flow of the Living Water we need in our lives to keep the ecosytem of our hearts in a good place to grow. How I long for not just the occasional gush and rush of the Living Water. I long for that continual flow that keeps me alive and fresh.

The Power of A Tree

Some days the future looks like a tree buried in a rock. I was reminded again this week in Biology of the power of living things. They find a way to LIVE even in the most challenging places.

My life isn't nearly that complicated. We are looking at more changes and challenges though. My husband had to have extra bloodwork and is on his way to see a urologist because of our doctor's concern about his prostate. The good thing is that this stuff is detected early and our doctor is very quick to take strong action. So, I know that weighs on my husband's mind.

Our son's job in California looks like it really isn't going to materialize. That's disappointing to him because he had some big plans around that whole project. He already gave his notice at work, so I know he's wrestling with whether to go back into the office and see if he can take his resignation back. His girlfriend thinks he needs tons of money for the move to Missouri. He thinks he can make the move "on a shoestring". I'm betting there's a happy medium somewhere in all of this!

School is going well for me. Financial aid came through for both Spring and Summer. I've been applying for the 2006-2007 school year. I applied and interviewed for a job that pays almost double what I'm making at my current job. It is a few more hours than I work now and is a place where my passion for people and technical skills could be better used. The funny thing is that I also have another interview at a place I've been trying to get work since before Christmas. I will know if I am hired for the first job the day before my interview for the second job. The second job is way more hours which makes me wonder if I could do that because of homeschooling and college. Boy! Does this only prove that God knows our days and if we would just listen to Him, He'd keep us on the right path?!

Yep . . . I feel like I'm growing out of a rock sometimes. The wonder of the enzymes in living things that allow such power to be released is just amazing. The "chance" of a seed embedding in a hollowed out place in the side of a rock face, taking root and enduring to live in the middle of the weather elements is pretty fantastic.

Truly . . . how great is our God!

My First Day in College - Again!

I had my first class last night. While I wish I was sitting on the banks of this lake reading my books . . . wow . . . now there's an idea!

My first class was with the acting director of our local center. He has his Phd. and has credits a MILE long. I am humbled by this man. His wife had a surgery a few months ago that went wrong somehow. He is staying home much of the time helping her back to health. It's not known for sure if she will ever be all the way back. He is really interested in each of the students. It's not about what information he gets out. It's more about what the students find that they need with the information he gives out. He's teaching Computer Information Systems. While I knew most of what he was saying about the computer program he was working with, I learned something completely diffferent from him. He gave a much simplier format for learning to write mission, purpose and vision statements. I will still have to think about those, but honestly, he made it as clear as I've ever heard it!

Tonight is Biology. I think this will be a more complicated sort of class. I guess we'll just wait and see. I have heard nothing but great reviews about the professor. He's been teaching at the university for many years. What a neat blessing to get to have him too! I better go check my threaded discussions to see if anyone has commented on my odd view of stem cell research.

When A Kid Leaves Home

Ok . . . some of you have had kids who've left home. How'd you do with that? I found out that my 24 yr old son was leaving. He's not mad or going to jail or anything like that. He's just . . . leaving. For what it's worth, he's leaving home to go live on his own in a place that is many many states away! Why? Well . . . it's a girl, of course!

They have known each other for several years. She has come here . . . he has gone there. She's going to college. He just wants to move by her to be near her. Nothing wrong with that . . .I guess. Ok . .big pout happening here!

Honestly, at his age, he should move out! (I heard what you were thinking!) He needs to experience the fun of utility bills and rent, eh? He tells me there is a great church there that his girlfriend is attending. He says that there are people with rentals there too. I guess he will get to experience what that is all about as well.

He will pack the following in his car: (of course this is all subject to change) (small Honda)
TV
stereo
computer
100 CDs (my guess)
50 DVDs (my guess again)
2 guitars
clothes will be in there somewhere

Now . . . what's missing? Furniture! A desk . . . an entertainment center . . . chest of drawers. So? What do I do with those? Makes me wonder what my mother did with all the stuff I left? As I remember, she kept asking me, "what do you want me to do with this stuff?" NOW I understand her delimma! I guess we'll just have to see what we do. Hmmmm . . . I might use that room as my study room! Wow . .just thought of that!

I thought the past year was a huge change. Whew . . . just wait for the next few months. I wonder if this means that someone will come to help me deep clean that room? (probably not, eh?)

On the Way (I think)

Could I be college bound?

Tomorrow I find out if the financial aid I think I see is really what I get. It will be interesting to see how this whole college thing pans out. I do believe God is opening doors quickly. I hope to be able to keep up!

I wonder if I can really do TWO subjects in 5 weeks? I think I will have to do a quick study of remembering how to "quickly study". Yikes! God please help my head to take what I read and translate it to understanding of topics I barely know.

My First Audio Blog

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whatcha think?

This Is Just the Beginning I Think!

Paperwork . . .yep . . . even in my paperless world, people still want paperwork!

Getting ready for college is an adventure. I forgot that I never had to hunt for financial aid or anything like that when I went to college. I just worked for peanuts and still paid most of what I earned to the college. Oh wait . . . I guess it was called "work study". I don't know that I'll be doing that this time. So, the alternative is finding out if there's any financial aid out there for a mom who has raised her kids (mostly) and wants to start another career.

I've heard this is a great thing to do - that is , go back to college. So, I'm testing the waters to see what that means. This thing called Adult Learning has become quite the fad. Actually, it's helping lots of people fit in continuing education with the work a day job that pays the mortgage and puts food on the table. Of course, it also pays for all the public school fees for art, physical education and extra curricular activities like sports, cheerleading or band. Actually, maybe this going back to college thing just takes the place of all those fees paid for the kids. The kids can work and pay their own! It's time for the parents to get back to college!

But . . . is there anyway around all the paperwork? Probably not . . . so become friends with the copy place and find the nearest fax machine and keep lots of in pocket change for incidentals.

Incidentally might become a well used word in the next few years!

Another Closed Door . . . But Still On the Road

Four months ago I applied for a job. It was a stretch for me, but I thought I could grow to fulfill it. It was one of those long shots that I thought I could attain with hard work. It wasn't to be. Today, I found out that I was not chosen. I trust that the employer worked through all the details to select someone that would be best for the job. Still, it's disappointing to me . . . but that's ok.

Disappointment can either push you away or toward something. It's pushing me toward God. I feel like I'm on the road in this picture. I took the picture. I know the road. I even know what's at the crest of the hill. I don't know what's at the crest of the "hill of my future" though. This was one of those situations that I really thought I could work into. Sometimes, when people don't know you, or want to risk what you may or may not be able to do, the chance to work into something just doesn't happen. Many of my friends were trying to ease me into the fact that I wouldn't be chosen. They are good friends to care for me so much.

I guess enough time has passed that I already have my sights set on other things. Thankfully this job wasn't the only thing my mind has been set on all this time. I do have other dreams. Someone actually pushed me to voice one of those dreams yesterday . . . that will be for another post someday.

Today, though, I look back on a closed door with sadness, but clearly understanding that my whole person was not resting on that one decision. My life and purpose can't be wrapped up in one person making a decision. I think I'm fairly healthy with that perspective. Today, I'm a bit teary, but I know that tomorrow I'll look again at the days ahead with anticipation. There are good things happening in my life. I'm thankful to my Father God for His watchful eye and leading hand on my behalf.

It is God who works in me both to will and to do of His good pleasure!

One Door Closed - Others to Open?

Yesterday was a huge day for me. It was the end of 25 years of being connected to a church and a family of believers. It was interesting because I knew that the timing was right. The pain I've felt for this past year had brought me to the ability to let go and know that God will still be with me and work through me. I feel like I do when I'm hunting for a new job. I keep thinking I need to have something to show for my day. It doesn't make sense, I know!

I AM job hunting. I lined up several jobs that I think I'd like to apply for. I have to decide, though, if I want to be gone 40 hours a week. I don't think I want to do that. My daughter's schooling is too important and she's getting Spring Fever. It's hard to keep her moving, but we're working on it. I'd like not to have to get a 40 hr per week job - maybe just at 20-25 hour one that pays about $10. Does that sound too hard? (I know . .not for God!)

I'm looking at financial aid this week as well. My goal at this time is to get a BA in Organizational Management for Christian Leaders with a minor in Psychology. I'd like to then go on to get a MA in Counseling. I should be able to do it at Colorado Christian University. This adult learning program allows me to take a course in a 5 week block - attending class one night a week as well as reading paper books, corresponding internet info and threaded discussions. There are just lots of details to iron out before I can jump full throttle into the coursework.

Now I need clarity to be able to write essays for scholarships. They don't have to be all that long - just clear and succinct. I pray for a free flowing sense of writing. I can get drowsy writing in the afternoon. I need to get it in gear though!

Someone just told me there are scholarships for left handed people? Gotta find those!

It Felt Good to Speak Again

Even though it's been awhile, I wasn't as nervous as I thought as I shared my testimony with the women's ministry group at Canyon View Vineyard Church last night. After one of my friends questioned what I was originally asked to do, I realized that I don't think my testimony is all that interesting or exciting. It was important though for me to do as I was instructed - not add to or assume. The leaders are incredibly gracious, so their promptings were received well.

As I put the testimony together, I found that I had a page of stuff that I have done for the last 30 some years. It's amazing to see how the Lord has been gracious in my life. Sometimes I think what I have done isn't all that interesting. I guess that remains to be seen.

Probably the most precious part for me was to share who I am. I made a list of some of the most difficult times in my life and some of the most meaningful times in my life. I realized as I recalled different events - difficult or meaningful - that these things have made me who I am. My thought processes and deep seated feelings flow out of these experiences. It makes me think of the Romans 5 passage that talks about "tribulation working patience, patience experience, and experience hope." The part of that passage that touches me is the fact that hope makes me not ashamed.

Just for the record, I thought I'd put those two lists here.

Some of the most difficult times in my life have included:

1. the suicide of a boyfriend
2. the leaving of my father and basic disinterest in me
3. trusting again that God would bring the love of my life back into my life
4. finding a friend who left without explanation
5. trusting that another friend would not do the same thing
6. realizing that some things have a season of time and are not forever
7. understanding that pouring my whole heart into something doesn't necessarily mean that it was wrong to do that - it's not always reciprocated or even appreciated
8. understanding that God loves me . . . period
9. making a choice to change my entire church family base and leave what was me for the last 25 years

Some of the most meaningful times of my life have included:

1. coming to know Jesus Christ as my personal Savior
2. experiencing the revelation of the Father heart of God
3. watching people grow in their giftings as they are mentored
4. slowly working myself out of a job as others have been mentored to do what I've done
5. talking about God with my children
6. seeing my kids learn from me and go on to do things better than what I do
7. realizing that God is not finished with me yet
8. living peacefully with myself when I am not sure what the future holds for me in career and ministry

I received an email this morning that encouraged my heart. It said, "I really enjoyed your story last night. The part about taking risks really spoke to me. I am definitely not a risk taker. In fact, my prayer request last night was for courage to be able to do so."

Thank You, Father for being there with us. You knew each heart and each need. I pray that You will continue to visit with those who opened their hearts to You. Whether it was about risks, or losses or new seasons, be ever so close as each one makes such important choices for their future. Faithful are You who calls us . . . who also will do it. Amen