It Felt Good to Speak Again

Even though it's been awhile, I wasn't as nervous as I thought as I shared my testimony with the women's ministry group at Canyon View Vineyard Church last night. After one of my friends questioned what I was originally asked to do, I realized that I don't think my testimony is all that interesting or exciting. It was important though for me to do as I was instructed - not add to or assume. The leaders are incredibly gracious, so their promptings were received well.

As I put the testimony together, I found that I had a page of stuff that I have done for the last 30 some years. It's amazing to see how the Lord has been gracious in my life. Sometimes I think what I have done isn't all that interesting. I guess that remains to be seen.

Probably the most precious part for me was to share who I am. I made a list of some of the most difficult times in my life and some of the most meaningful times in my life. I realized as I recalled different events - difficult or meaningful - that these things have made me who I am. My thought processes and deep seated feelings flow out of these experiences. It makes me think of the Romans 5 passage that talks about "tribulation working patience, patience experience, and experience hope." The part of that passage that touches me is the fact that hope makes me not ashamed.

Just for the record, I thought I'd put those two lists here.

Some of the most difficult times in my life have included:

1. the suicide of a boyfriend
2. the leaving of my father and basic disinterest in me
3. trusting again that God would bring the love of my life back into my life
4. finding a friend who left without explanation
5. trusting that another friend would not do the same thing
6. realizing that some things have a season of time and are not forever
7. understanding that pouring my whole heart into something doesn't necessarily mean that it was wrong to do that - it's not always reciprocated or even appreciated
8. understanding that God loves me . . . period
9. making a choice to change my entire church family base and leave what was me for the last 25 years

Some of the most meaningful times of my life have included:

1. coming to know Jesus Christ as my personal Savior
2. experiencing the revelation of the Father heart of God
3. watching people grow in their giftings as they are mentored
4. slowly working myself out of a job as others have been mentored to do what I've done
5. talking about God with my children
6. seeing my kids learn from me and go on to do things better than what I do
7. realizing that God is not finished with me yet
8. living peacefully with myself when I am not sure what the future holds for me in career and ministry

I received an email this morning that encouraged my heart. It said, "I really enjoyed your story last night. The part about taking risks really spoke to me. I am definitely not a risk taker. In fact, my prayer request last night was for courage to be able to do so."

Thank You, Father for being there with us. You knew each heart and each need. I pray that You will continue to visit with those who opened their hearts to You. Whether it was about risks, or losses or new seasons, be ever so close as each one makes such important choices for their future. Faithful are You who calls us . . . who also will do it. Amen