Seven Credits Down

Here's what I'm looking at on my desktop.

This picture makes me want to go fishing! Today or Saturday would be about the only time I could because the Summer university schedule starts on Monday. No rest for the weary, they say!

It's been fun taking seven credits of college in five weeks. I think I did a pretty good job though. My profs were great and really helpful. This was my first trek back into the world of academia. It's been an adventure. I'll say that I've met some great people and had opportunity to share some good stories. In my Biology class, for instance, were people working toward their teaching certificates. They were trying to get the general education classes out of the way before they started on the degree specific courses. This Biology course was called Biological Diversity. We talked a lot about ethics in Biology. I came away from this class knowing that the rate of discovery is ahead of the rate of ethical clarity. Going back and revisiting previous discussions in the area of ethics is really important.

My other class was a Computer Information Systems class. It helped sharpen my skills as I use Microsoft Office 2003. Excel is something that has always felt a bit ominous. It's less frightful to me now. I had some fun with Power Point and Word. I am trying to decide if I want to consider a Project Management Certificate along with my degree. I hear this is a great tool to have in my management skill set. It means four more courses though, so I'm just trying to decide if I want to do that work. This certificate teaches the technical aspects of project planning. I'm not sure that I'd ever be planning a major project, but it's hard to say. My professor thinks it would add $20,000 to my yearly income. Goodness . . . I don't make THAT to start with!

Today I am waiting for a textbook to come. The course is American Literature II. Did I take American Lit I? Uhm . .nope . .but . .I'm told both classes are stand alones. I checked the online syllabus for the class and discovered that the book mentioned in the syllabus is not the same one that the bookstore said was for this class. Yikes! So, now I have to wait until I get the book, check it out with the assignments online and THEN determine if I have the correct book. In the meantime, I'm looking at my desktop picture and thinking that I might enjoy hanging out at that lake this weekend. Ohhhhhh . . . it might not even be open yet. There's probably still snow. That lake is about 10,000 feet above sea level. Hmmm . . . I might have to call the lodge up there and ask!

Enjoy the picture while you listen!

The Determination of the Lord

I appreciate determination! I appreciate setting your mind to something and, like Captain Picard says, "Make it so!"

I know there are plenty of scriptures that will help a person know how to follow Christ. I was thinking of all of the "put on" or "one another" verses and then the "put off" or "lay aside" or "turn away" verses too.

Yeah . . . I do let my heart start making plans when I think something is coming. A friend wrote me today to encourage me and remind me that IF I really am asking God to lead me, then I'd better figure that He is working to do that. Seems very simple, but when the plans I was running through in my heart didn't seem to work out, I was wondering what was going on. I don't think I'm doubting God - or it doesn't feel like that. I usually wonder what other people are up to. After that, I wonder if I am really just kidding myself about what I think. I can't remember the last time I doubted God. I think if I ever started to doubt God, I'd probably be pretty unstable. He has been my rock for so long, it just seems impossible that He'd mess with my head or purposefully pull the rug out from under me. Nope . . . that's not God!

My daughter wrote this verse last year. It's a good reminder for me!

Where Does a "Good Fit" Look Like?

I created this logo (with some help from Microsoft) for an assignment I have in a university class. It expresses my idea of how I would help people put together the various ways they are gifted and empassioned. It just seems like a person with these qualities might find that no matter the situation, they could get a grip on their surroundings and help where there is a need. This person would be more directed and clear in their own personal mission. I thought that sounded like a good thing.

Can a person who has clarity of focus in these four areas really "fit" with others who don't have the same focus in each of these areas? Some might say "yes!" . . some might say "not a chance!" The jury's still out for me on this.

My personal mission doesn't need to be the mission of my employer. I could actually embrace the vision of a company and still not lose my own personal vision. Do employers look for people who will lose themselves so much in the company that the employee actual has no personal vision of their own? I guess if you're on company time, you are the company's . . . period. I wonder though if employers really want mindless employees. Hmmm . . . I know they want cooperative ones. Employers probably would enjoy employees that have enough on the ball to see roadblocks coming and tactfully share them. Again, that would mean that employers would want to hear from employees and there was an open door policy for fresh thinking and ideas.

The fun thing about this logo is that the puzzle pieces come apart. No matter where those individual pieces travel, eventually they get back to "fit" together. Those four qualities are a good fit. Happy is the employer who finds someone whose qualities do fit!

Living Water Flow

This little trickle of water reminds me of the trickle of hope I have facing this new week. I have great confidence that God is working on my behalf. I know that the ecosystem in this picture is small in size, but very balanced in its own right. The water is flowing at just the right speed to quench the thirst of the plants around it. Yet, it's not too fast or large to physically tear the plants away from the earth where they are rooted. The moss attached to the front of a rock enjoys the moisture of the water without the erosion that would happen if the stream became larger. The ecosystem is just right!

I just came from church where we sang a song called "We Are Hungry". One line in the song says "living water flow down on me". Sometimes my vision of living water flowing down on me is this deluge sort of thing. As I was reminded of this picture and found it again, I remembered that, though the water was not a rushing deluge, it IS a huge part of the ecosystem of this small area of the forest. I am guessing that our Father God really understands the volume of the flow of the Living Water we need in our lives to keep the ecosytem of our hearts in a good place to grow. How I long for not just the occasional gush and rush of the Living Water. I long for that continual flow that keeps me alive and fresh.

The Power of A Tree

Some days the future looks like a tree buried in a rock. I was reminded again this week in Biology of the power of living things. They find a way to LIVE even in the most challenging places.

My life isn't nearly that complicated. We are looking at more changes and challenges though. My husband had to have extra bloodwork and is on his way to see a urologist because of our doctor's concern about his prostate. The good thing is that this stuff is detected early and our doctor is very quick to take strong action. So, I know that weighs on my husband's mind.

Our son's job in California looks like it really isn't going to materialize. That's disappointing to him because he had some big plans around that whole project. He already gave his notice at work, so I know he's wrestling with whether to go back into the office and see if he can take his resignation back. His girlfriend thinks he needs tons of money for the move to Missouri. He thinks he can make the move "on a shoestring". I'm betting there's a happy medium somewhere in all of this!

School is going well for me. Financial aid came through for both Spring and Summer. I've been applying for the 2006-2007 school year. I applied and interviewed for a job that pays almost double what I'm making at my current job. It is a few more hours than I work now and is a place where my passion for people and technical skills could be better used. The funny thing is that I also have another interview at a place I've been trying to get work since before Christmas. I will know if I am hired for the first job the day before my interview for the second job. The second job is way more hours which makes me wonder if I could do that because of homeschooling and college. Boy! Does this only prove that God knows our days and if we would just listen to Him, He'd keep us on the right path?!

Yep . . . I feel like I'm growing out of a rock sometimes. The wonder of the enzymes in living things that allow such power to be released is just amazing. The "chance" of a seed embedding in a hollowed out place in the side of a rock face, taking root and enduring to live in the middle of the weather elements is pretty fantastic.

Truly . . . how great is our God!

My First Day in College - Again!

I had my first class last night. While I wish I was sitting on the banks of this lake reading my books . . . wow . . . now there's an idea!

My first class was with the acting director of our local center. He has his Phd. and has credits a MILE long. I am humbled by this man. His wife had a surgery a few months ago that went wrong somehow. He is staying home much of the time helping her back to health. It's not known for sure if she will ever be all the way back. He is really interested in each of the students. It's not about what information he gets out. It's more about what the students find that they need with the information he gives out. He's teaching Computer Information Systems. While I knew most of what he was saying about the computer program he was working with, I learned something completely diffferent from him. He gave a much simplier format for learning to write mission, purpose and vision statements. I will still have to think about those, but honestly, he made it as clear as I've ever heard it!

Tonight is Biology. I think this will be a more complicated sort of class. I guess we'll just wait and see. I have heard nothing but great reviews about the professor. He's been teaching at the university for many years. What a neat blessing to get to have him too! I better go check my threaded discussions to see if anyone has commented on my odd view of stem cell research.

When A Kid Leaves Home

Ok . . . some of you have had kids who've left home. How'd you do with that? I found out that my 24 yr old son was leaving. He's not mad or going to jail or anything like that. He's just . . . leaving. For what it's worth, he's leaving home to go live on his own in a place that is many many states away! Why? Well . . . it's a girl, of course!

They have known each other for several years. She has come here . . . he has gone there. She's going to college. He just wants to move by her to be near her. Nothing wrong with that . . .I guess. Ok . .big pout happening here!

Honestly, at his age, he should move out! (I heard what you were thinking!) He needs to experience the fun of utility bills and rent, eh? He tells me there is a great church there that his girlfriend is attending. He says that there are people with rentals there too. I guess he will get to experience what that is all about as well.

He will pack the following in his car: (of course this is all subject to change) (small Honda)
TV
stereo
computer
100 CDs (my guess)
50 DVDs (my guess again)
2 guitars
clothes will be in there somewhere

Now . . . what's missing? Furniture! A desk . . . an entertainment center . . . chest of drawers. So? What do I do with those? Makes me wonder what my mother did with all the stuff I left? As I remember, she kept asking me, "what do you want me to do with this stuff?" NOW I understand her delimma! I guess we'll just have to see what we do. Hmmmm . . . I might use that room as my study room! Wow . .just thought of that!

I thought the past year was a huge change. Whew . . . just wait for the next few months. I wonder if this means that someone will come to help me deep clean that room? (probably not, eh?)

On the Way (I think)

Could I be college bound?

Tomorrow I find out if the financial aid I think I see is really what I get. It will be interesting to see how this whole college thing pans out. I do believe God is opening doors quickly. I hope to be able to keep up!

I wonder if I can really do TWO subjects in 5 weeks? I think I will have to do a quick study of remembering how to "quickly study". Yikes! God please help my head to take what I read and translate it to understanding of topics I barely know.

My First Audio Blog

test test test



whatcha think?

This Is Just the Beginning I Think!

Paperwork . . .yep . . . even in my paperless world, people still want paperwork!

Getting ready for college is an adventure. I forgot that I never had to hunt for financial aid or anything like that when I went to college. I just worked for peanuts and still paid most of what I earned to the college. Oh wait . . . I guess it was called "work study". I don't know that I'll be doing that this time. So, the alternative is finding out if there's any financial aid out there for a mom who has raised her kids (mostly) and wants to start another career.

I've heard this is a great thing to do - that is , go back to college. So, I'm testing the waters to see what that means. This thing called Adult Learning has become quite the fad. Actually, it's helping lots of people fit in continuing education with the work a day job that pays the mortgage and puts food on the table. Of course, it also pays for all the public school fees for art, physical education and extra curricular activities like sports, cheerleading or band. Actually, maybe this going back to college thing just takes the place of all those fees paid for the kids. The kids can work and pay their own! It's time for the parents to get back to college!

But . . . is there anyway around all the paperwork? Probably not . . . so become friends with the copy place and find the nearest fax machine and keep lots of in pocket change for incidentals.

Incidentally might become a well used word in the next few years!

Another Closed Door . . . But Still On the Road

Four months ago I applied for a job. It was a stretch for me, but I thought I could grow to fulfill it. It was one of those long shots that I thought I could attain with hard work. It wasn't to be. Today, I found out that I was not chosen. I trust that the employer worked through all the details to select someone that would be best for the job. Still, it's disappointing to me . . . but that's ok.

Disappointment can either push you away or toward something. It's pushing me toward God. I feel like I'm on the road in this picture. I took the picture. I know the road. I even know what's at the crest of the hill. I don't know what's at the crest of the "hill of my future" though. This was one of those situations that I really thought I could work into. Sometimes, when people don't know you, or want to risk what you may or may not be able to do, the chance to work into something just doesn't happen. Many of my friends were trying to ease me into the fact that I wouldn't be chosen. They are good friends to care for me so much.

I guess enough time has passed that I already have my sights set on other things. Thankfully this job wasn't the only thing my mind has been set on all this time. I do have other dreams. Someone actually pushed me to voice one of those dreams yesterday . . . that will be for another post someday.

Today, though, I look back on a closed door with sadness, but clearly understanding that my whole person was not resting on that one decision. My life and purpose can't be wrapped up in one person making a decision. I think I'm fairly healthy with that perspective. Today, I'm a bit teary, but I know that tomorrow I'll look again at the days ahead with anticipation. There are good things happening in my life. I'm thankful to my Father God for His watchful eye and leading hand on my behalf.

It is God who works in me both to will and to do of His good pleasure!

One Door Closed - Others to Open?

Yesterday was a huge day for me. It was the end of 25 years of being connected to a church and a family of believers. It was interesting because I knew that the timing was right. The pain I've felt for this past year had brought me to the ability to let go and know that God will still be with me and work through me. I feel like I do when I'm hunting for a new job. I keep thinking I need to have something to show for my day. It doesn't make sense, I know!

I AM job hunting. I lined up several jobs that I think I'd like to apply for. I have to decide, though, if I want to be gone 40 hours a week. I don't think I want to do that. My daughter's schooling is too important and she's getting Spring Fever. It's hard to keep her moving, but we're working on it. I'd like not to have to get a 40 hr per week job - maybe just at 20-25 hour one that pays about $10. Does that sound too hard? (I know . .not for God!)

I'm looking at financial aid this week as well. My goal at this time is to get a BA in Organizational Management for Christian Leaders with a minor in Psychology. I'd like to then go on to get a MA in Counseling. I should be able to do it at Colorado Christian University. This adult learning program allows me to take a course in a 5 week block - attending class one night a week as well as reading paper books, corresponding internet info and threaded discussions. There are just lots of details to iron out before I can jump full throttle into the coursework.

Now I need clarity to be able to write essays for scholarships. They don't have to be all that long - just clear and succinct. I pray for a free flowing sense of writing. I can get drowsy writing in the afternoon. I need to get it in gear though!

Someone just told me there are scholarships for left handed people? Gotta find those!

It Felt Good to Speak Again

Even though it's been awhile, I wasn't as nervous as I thought as I shared my testimony with the women's ministry group at Canyon View Vineyard Church last night. After one of my friends questioned what I was originally asked to do, I realized that I don't think my testimony is all that interesting or exciting. It was important though for me to do as I was instructed - not add to or assume. The leaders are incredibly gracious, so their promptings were received well.

As I put the testimony together, I found that I had a page of stuff that I have done for the last 30 some years. It's amazing to see how the Lord has been gracious in my life. Sometimes I think what I have done isn't all that interesting. I guess that remains to be seen.

Probably the most precious part for me was to share who I am. I made a list of some of the most difficult times in my life and some of the most meaningful times in my life. I realized as I recalled different events - difficult or meaningful - that these things have made me who I am. My thought processes and deep seated feelings flow out of these experiences. It makes me think of the Romans 5 passage that talks about "tribulation working patience, patience experience, and experience hope." The part of that passage that touches me is the fact that hope makes me not ashamed.

Just for the record, I thought I'd put those two lists here.

Some of the most difficult times in my life have included:

1. the suicide of a boyfriend
2. the leaving of my father and basic disinterest in me
3. trusting again that God would bring the love of my life back into my life
4. finding a friend who left without explanation
5. trusting that another friend would not do the same thing
6. realizing that some things have a season of time and are not forever
7. understanding that pouring my whole heart into something doesn't necessarily mean that it was wrong to do that - it's not always reciprocated or even appreciated
8. understanding that God loves me . . . period
9. making a choice to change my entire church family base and leave what was me for the last 25 years

Some of the most meaningful times of my life have included:

1. coming to know Jesus Christ as my personal Savior
2. experiencing the revelation of the Father heart of God
3. watching people grow in their giftings as they are mentored
4. slowly working myself out of a job as others have been mentored to do what I've done
5. talking about God with my children
6. seeing my kids learn from me and go on to do things better than what I do
7. realizing that God is not finished with me yet
8. living peacefully with myself when I am not sure what the future holds for me in career and ministry

I received an email this morning that encouraged my heart. It said, "I really enjoyed your story last night. The part about taking risks really spoke to me. I am definitely not a risk taker. In fact, my prayer request last night was for courage to be able to do so."

Thank You, Father for being there with us. You knew each heart and each need. I pray that You will continue to visit with those who opened their hearts to You. Whether it was about risks, or losses or new seasons, be ever so close as each one makes such important choices for their future. Faithful are You who calls us . . . who also will do it. Amen

Words Behind the Blog - Word Cloud

Found this on another blog and thought it was interesting to note. I'm not sure how far back the search goes for words, but still, it's interesting to see. Check out this spot to see what your blog is really saying!

Preparing to Speak

Looking back as well as forward!

This Wednesday I will be speaking at the Canyonview Vineyard Women's Ministry evening called "Celebration!". There's food and fellowship along with worship and someone speaking. I happen to be the one speaking this month.

I was telling a friend what I thought I'd say and she asked me if that's really what I was asked to do. Now, I stopped up short just to rethink . . ."What was I asked to do?" I recall being asked to share about myself. This was a sort of "get to know me" time. I was told I had about 30-40 minutes. Honestly, I can tell about me in 5 minutes, so what do I do with the rest of the time!?!

I had planned to create a video telling about my family and our desire to move with God at this new place in our lives. At this moment, I'm not sure the media equipment will be able to support my video. I should know by later today. I'm trying to decide if I want to put the time into the video until I know for sure that it can be played. I think I can rework parts of a video I already have, so it might not be such a lengthy process. Hmm . . . decisions, decisions!

After the video, I was going to share a short teaching around the significance of God's time. I guess my friend's question has caused me to ask if they don't really want to hear any more than just me telling about myself. Not much excitement in that!

Getting home, getting back on track . . . it feels a little unsettling at the moment. My body is still on Toronto time. I was sleepy at 9pm (11pm Toronto time) last night. Of course, I was awake at 5am (7am Toronto time). Yikes! I work tonight, so sheer exaustion should get me acclimated faster!

Lose to Gain

I did not renew my ministerial credentials today. It was hard and I am in a contemplative mood. It's just a sad day for me. Somehow, I want to encourage myself in the Lord like David did.

I remind myself again . . .

"Lord . . . may I keep in step with You. I want to be Your church moving into the future."

ED note: I edited out a link that didn't seem to be appropriate at this time. I still do want to be part of a forward thinking group though. I have found some people whose faith is ahead of me so I know I will have good models for my faith walk in the future. I'm seeing life with different eyes at this time. It will be good I know, even though at this time there is still a sense of loss. It's just a different season.

Seismic Shifts Create Waves

As I’m in Toronto for a few more days, I have been reading some great books. I went to a bookstore that had several bins of books on sale. Woohoo! Now that’s a treat for me! I picked up a couple of books to read. The friend at whose house I am staying loaned me a book as well. It’s been great to have the time to sit and read a whole book at one time. I confess that they were a pretty fast read and skimming at that!

This was the week that much culminated regarding decisions made in months past. It’s the sort of thing that you know is coming, but you can’t believe it’s here and basically done. Decisions are easier made in your living room than lived out among people you’ve loved for many years.

As I was searching the bins of sale books, I found one with a copyright of 2005. It’s not an old book! The back of the book said “It’s easy to talk about changing your life. Here’s how you actually do it.” I picked the book up, looked at the back cover and realized that Seismic Shifts was a book I would have to have.

Kevin Harney writes about these shifts that must happen to move into freshness in life. I might be writing on other things I’ve gleaned from this book, but at the moment the tidbit that is rumbling in me is the phrase “tunnel of chaos”. Harney says that Bill Hybels coined the phrase. That tunnel is the place you enter after you’ve come to the end of living in pseudocommunity – a false sense of peace based on avoiding honesty and constantly sidestepping confrontation. While confrontation is never fun, the deeper relationship to be enjoyed on the other side of the “tunnel of chaos” is worth every bit of the challenge encountered in the “tunnel”. This adventure is not a one time thing, but more of the treasure of authentic Christianity is in store at the other end of every step.

I am challenged to find those places of “pseudocommunity” in my life. I think this will be a huge trust thing between the Lord and I. I believe that He will walk with me through those chaos times. I believe that He has been walking with me for the last year. It feels like I’m about through the tunnel.

I am longing for more authenticity in my life. I know that I cannot expect something of others that I will not expect of myself. At least for now, I have some mental pictures to help me know where I’m going and who I’m impacting.

Arrival in Toronto

At the moment, I'm sitting Toronto, Canada. I'm at the home of a friend for some R & R as well as ministry time. I'm not all that sure what there will be the most of between those two, but I am looking forward to these two weeks.

I've just made a video that will announce me resigning from the Creative Arts ministry at church. I've been with these people for 25 years. (Some people have come and gone, but the ones who've stayed are probably the ones I've been around the longest.) It's not very easy to say good bye to folks. I don't like this sort of thing. Just fading into the "sunset" would be fine with me. I know the new pastor is trying to do things in an upright way so that if we meet at an event, we can look each other in the eye and know there's nothing bad between us. That's good I'm sure.

So that video will be played while I'm here in Toronto. I am concerned about my son though. He will be leading worship the Sunday that this video will be played. He seemed ok with it, so I hope that it works out ok for him. Guess we'll see . . .

I will go back and attend one more Sunday for them to "send" me. I'd appreciate prayer if anyone is reading this. I'm not all that sure I know the meaning behind the "sending", but I've seen it done several times. It's always left a bit of a question in my mind. Maybe that was because I was the one who was "sending" rather than "going". I imagine this is an attitude check of some sorts for me, so prayer would also be appreciated for that as well.

I may blog more of my adventures here in Toronto. I caught the plane in Salt Lake City at 6:15am, so I'm a bit bleary eyed. Salt Lake, Chicago and Toronto each had a good amount of snow. When I was in the air today, there was an interesting phenomenon I kept observing. We were above the clouds and the sun was bright. As I looked out my window, I could see the shadow of our plane on the clouds. I could see the whole plane. The unique thing about it was that there was a rainbow effect all around the plane shadow. It seemed brighter inside the rainbow circle. I saw it once and thought it was just a fluke. Then, I kept seeing it over and over. I'm wondering if God was trying to say something to me. (I understand the concept of water in the clouds and the idea of sun shining through those droplets.) I was just blessed to see that rainbow around my plane!

Opened Ended Sentences

It's an interesting move to leave what you know and step out where nothing is certain. It feels like an adventure - almost like an open-ended sentence just waiting to be told.

What is next? Don't know . . . Where are you going? Not clear yet . . .What will you do? The next month will tell that I think.

I do know that God is at work writing the story of my life. I'm trying really hard to hear Him right now. I know that He is near and is speaking ever so gently in His great way. How good it is to know that He is at work on my behalf!