The Change Is Happening

My good friend left this morning. She's on her way to care for her ailing mom and stepdad. As I talked with her last night, she was really wanting to be sure that I knew what I was going to do in these next days. I will miss her terribly, but, thankfully, she's become much more internet friendly. I know we will at least have a chance to connect. I'm also blessed by the wonder of cell phone plans that allow for free long distance calling after 7!

Never in my life have I done what I'm about to do this week. That's an amazing thing for someone of my age. I don't get into too many new adventures, but this one will be for sure. Another friend quizzed me this morning making sure that I have thought through the answers to questions that will arise from this decision to do what I've never done before. Pretty mysterious, isn't it?

I heard someone say the other day that to step into your new place you have to let go of the former place. I've heard that before, but it seems very, very real to me at this point. I'm so used to having things lined up that not knowing my next step is a challenge. Other people have my future in their hands. I suppose ultimately, that's not true. God surely knows who will make what decisions. I know that if I just keep my head on His chest, I will hear His heartbeat for my next steps. I will go from complete involvement to nothing. I will go from weekly preparation to nothing. Whew!

Somehow though, there is this internal excitement that just keeps welling up. I wonder what God has in store?

Seeds are Flying Away

Off to new destinations . . .

Changes will be happening soon with friends who are moving on to different ventures in their lives. It's a happy/sad sort of time for me. I know that changes are good. They make us have to reevaluate where we've been and look ahead for fresh and new things.

One dear friend is leaving to care for sick parents. That's a hard time of life for sure. This friend has a kiddo in school, so she's working on both sides of life issues. Her spouse is completely supportive and engaged in this whole process. One area of life in which I was able to contribute is computer technology. She will have all of her files on CDs to take with her. She will be on the hunt for a computer to be able to do her communication. She will be able to keep in contact with the places in the world that are important to her. She's become much more of a world traveler via the internet, so I know that she will still be able to do that when her in person world might start to close in on her.

As I look at that dandelion seed head, I realize that when the wind blows, people will be blown to different places. They will stick in other places. They will have influence in other situations. It will be interesting to see how these blown people will respond to the places they land. Will they nestle in and get connected? Will they barely hang on and, with the next wind, be blown out of connection? Each seed certainly has the potential of a whole new life. There are so many possibilities around the idea of the seed head of the dandelion. It leaves me thinking in a variety of directions.

Small Group Experience

I had the joy of being in a small group last night.

We worshipped and enjoyed being together. The topic was faith. Many of the women in the group (it was a women's group) had gone through some pretty traumatic events in their lives thus prompting them to tell of their different experiences of faith. I enjoyed hearing their stories of challenge yet seeming to come back to the foundation of knowing that God is their source of hope. Like Peter determined, they would settle to the fact that Jesus "alone has the words of life."

As a smaller group of four of us circled to share concerns, I was touched by the candor and transparency of each woman. They knew we didn't have time for a long long story, but they so wanted to share their hearts. My heart was touched and I want to pray for them all week. We didn't swap phone numbers or emails, so I really can't get in touch with them. I know God will bridge that gap.

The format is really very simple. It's interesting because there's really no fluff to this group. There is no coffee, no food - not even games for ice breakers. There just seems to be a heart to get together. I like it because I love to worship and I love to be in the Word. I am hoping that the teachings ahead will be as meaty as last night. I have the feeling they will be.

Lead Us Lord

This picture is taken en route to the summit of the highest flat topped mountain in North America - the Grand Mesa!

This week is one of those monumental weeks in a person's life. There are so many changes on the horizon that my head spins sometimes. As is typical with a big decision, so many people will be touched. Some will be mad, some will be sad and probably some will be glad. Some will say I'm just following a fad and will be glad to see me stop whining. Okey dokie . . . there ya go!

I, the other hand, understand that decisions made this week could change the lives of not only my family, but the lives of many others as well. There have been pivitol moments in my life where decisions changed my direction completely. Getting married was one of those choices. Moving to a new town was another. For some reason, this feels like that kind of impact will accompany decisions made this week.

I wait, not fearfully, but expectantly. I wait, knowing that things might stay the same, yet hoping for radical changes. Ultimately, though, I have to cling to the biblical mandate I read long ago, "Expect the Lord!"

Coworker Thorn

Ever met someone who delights in being a thorn in your life?

I was sure that I am such a likeable person that there'd never be anyone like this in my life. (Ok, stop rolling your eyes!) Well, sure enough, I have found someone. This coworker is a wonderful opportunity to get a little glimpse of what a "burr under the saddle" feels like - or the proverbial thorn. Being talked about within my earshot is something that my mother taught me shouldn't happen. If you're going to talk about someone, at least don't do it where they can hear you!

This coworker says she is completely oblivious to anything about me - doesn't want to hear and frankly, doesn't care either. It kills her when I build her up in front of customers. Somehow, I delight in finding ways to compliment her and make her have to recognize that I'm saying nice things to her. Who knows if anything I say will impact her for Christ. She is quick to say that "religious people" are just nutty. Could be the background of being raised in a tough Catholic school that has done that to her. Sometimes, all my compassion pours out and I just smile. Sometimes, all my grouchiness pours out and I want to pull her bottom lip up over her forehead. I guess the first choice is more godly, eh? (ok . . . maybe not as fun though . . .)

So, I'm off to another morning of working around this coworker. I just need to keep my head on straight and not let her get to me. I have this running conversation with the Holy Spirit.

"Please . . .can't I say something back that would put her in her place?"

"What would that do for your testimony of Christ?"

"I promise, I'll be very discreet. I'm very good at giving sugar coated digs."

"Digs are still digs . . . how about just keep pouring grace on her?"

"Well bleah . . . digs feel so much better!"

"People are watching you. Remember that you have lots of coworkers. There are people who see what you do and say."

"Ok . . . I'll trust You on that one . . ."

"Good thinking . . ."

Heads Up for Change

It feels like the time is drawing very close. I'm thinking in these next two weeks I will have a better clarity of God's direction for me in this New Year.

I should be finding out about the job I've been waiting for. I should find out the direction of the church I've been going to. I should see the unfolding of direction for the coming year. Now . . . I guess it's just time to wait and see how the "shoulds" work out.

I asked a friend last night if it was good to be thinking about "Plan B". We laughed because she said that she was so busy thinking and praying about her "Plan A" that she didn't have time to consider "Plan B" yet. Proverbs 1:7 says "Fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge. Only fools despise wisdom and discipline." I want to have knowledge of God's plan, I better be "aweing" Him. Hmmm . . . makes me wonder? Does God really have a "Plan B"?

Old Year Out, New Year Coming!

So much to get cleared up and finished as the New Year approaches!

It's that time to get all the bills paid for 2005. It's time to pack up all the Christmas stuff and put it away. It's time to finish the little odds and ends that must be done by Dec 31st. It's time . . . .

Yeah! It's time for new thinking. It's time for new vision. It's time for a new haircut! (I had to put that one in because, for me, it just gives me new prospective!) It's time to press into the new places that I've been waiting on for this past year. It's time . . .

Having this blog for the past year has probably been the main factor for keeping me sane. Being able to drop thoughts here has helped me, I'm sure. About 11 months ago I had a dream that stirred me to begin reevaluating why I do what I do. I've prayed, talked with friends, studied the Word and researched various avenues for moving into the new place that that dream stirred in me.

Waiting this long has been good for me, but I confess it has been very hard. I really believe the wait is almost over. I know that by this time next year, I will be very different. My life and circumstances will be different. This feels like one of those momentous moments in a person's life where you know that after crossing a threshhold, the door will close to where you've been, but the adventure of the new stuff ahead keeps you facing forward and moving onward.

By the way, I wasn't chosen for the first job I interviewed for, but I will be submitting my cover letter and resume for another one this week. I believe I would really enjoy this new one. It would stretch me, but I would have the opportunity to be with forward thinking people and offer direction and creative ideas in that mix as well.

Waiting . . .

I don't know about you, but waiting is not one of my fortes. I just haven't learned to do it well. When I get an idea or passion in my head, I just want to forge on with it! Why do I feel like there's a hesitation for everything? Ok . . . maybe sometimes I've had some hairbrained ideas. Hey . . . how would I know they were hairbrained if I hadn't talked them out with someone?!

I am waiting this week for a decision on a job possibility. At the moment, it feels like I have waited all year for this opporunity, but I also know that God has my days in His hands and I have a great peace. I am waiting for a very long week at work to be done. I'm not looking forward to 10 hours on my feet this coming Saturday. I am waiting for complete clarity in some decisions that I have to make that will affect many areas of my entire life.

It's interesting that the one thing I face this day with is the assurance that God is moving forward. He is not waiting - He's at work. Ok . . . He might be waiting for humans to act and then He can work through those people. I don't want to get into a big theological thing here. I do know that I do believe that He is at work on my behalf. I want to snuggle up close to Him to hear His heartbeat and pulse for the day. I really do know that He is the only one who has a full grasp on the whole picture. That's actually quite reassuring to me!

So . . . I wait. Time ticks on. People make decisions. God is at work. I wait . . .

Reminiscing Christmas' Past

Merry Christmas Grand Junction
Ensemble from 2003
















These are memories from Christmases past. While these were great times, I am glad for a break this year. I am hoping to find that place of really renewing again in the contemplation of the Christ child. What an awesome God we have who'd send His only Son . . . just for us.

Yes, I love the people in this picture. We have spent many hours rehearsing the intricasies of a good song. They are all dedicated people. I pray that this Christmas we will remind ourselves of the wonder and awe of Immanuel - God with us!

Could I Do This?

Volunteer Champion Full-time, management level position responsible for overseeing development and support of volunteers in all of (name of church deleted) ministries. For consideration, please submit a cover letter and résumé to (name deleted), Executive Pastor, by November 22, 2005. Qualified candidates will be contacted for an interview as soon as possible. For more info call (named deleted).

This was in a church bulletin this weekend. Yowza! I know this church (it's not the one I call "home".) My heart did a leap though when I read this job description. Do I think I could do that?

In August, I went to a Leadership Summit put on by the Willow Creek Association. I was strongly stirred as Bill Hybels talked about valuing and honoring volunteers. I bought a little book at the Summit which details how Willow Creek Community Church finds, nutures and develops its volunteers.

It is amazing to me. It doesn't appear to be "rocket science". It really is about empowering other people. The volunteers-to-be can go online to find "The Top 10 Needs" List. Even the list of volunteer opportunities have been named to draw people with those passions. I can see myself loving to be a Cappucino Bar Server! How fun does that sound?! Ok . . . ok . . .there are needs for a guy small group leader or meal providers (among other things) if you're not such an "upfront" person.

What does all of this have to do with God and church and holiness? EVERYTHING! It's about mining the passion in people first, then discovering ways they can serve God with that passion. It's about leadership visioning, training and empowering people.

There is an ingenious ingredient in this volunteer program. It's about exiting. Imagine knowing that your leadership really wants you to keep asking God if you're where you should be? You know that they care more about you being in the will of God than filling slots. They trust that you will be faithful to your word and complete your assignment but . . . you also know the parameters of your assignment. Indefinate is not in the job description!

If I applied for this job, it would be a complete change in my life. I'd be working full time and have to rearrange things quite a bit. I'd be leaving a church that I've attended and served in for 24 years. It would be a paradigm shift of magnanimous proportions. Hey . . . truth is that I might not even be considered for the job. So . . . I'm asking myself . . . should I go ahead and apply? Of course, I haven't even begun to check in with God about this specifically. The thing that I know is that for over a year now, I have felt restlessness trying to put "new wine" into "old wineskins". God has been stirring me about vision and the fact that I'm in the 2nd half of my life (over 50). It's about meaning and value. It's about leaving a legacy.

My thinking has been that if it means change for me to know that power of productivity in the Kingdom again, maybe I should just go for it.

Speed Limit: Go For It!

Saturday, I spent about an hour standing on my front porch with some dear friends who were coming for another reason, but spent time listening to my heart and then prayed with me. It’s amazing to have someone really listen to you and find what you’re saying to be thought through and reasonable! They asked me hard questions as well as offering insight from their other points of view. We were able to dialogue back and forth, knowing we were safe with one another, yet offering some fairly different considerations. Probably because of our various gift perspectives, the thought processes came from diverse directions. The vision was the starting point – the pool of perspectives only added to the power of potential possibilities. It felt so refreshing and hopeful. I wonder what would happen if we really did live our passions full out for God? I heard them say to me over and over, "Go for it! Do what is in your heart to do. Do not let the "fear of man" hold you anymore."

God help me live my life full out!

Heaven's Reward

A friend (and member of my extended family) passed away last week. She was ready to meet the Lord. The funeral was encouraging and uplifting. It’s just always interesting to see who finds their strength in the Lord and who doesn’t. As we stood by the graveside located at the top of a hill, I was aware of several generations raised up by this woman. They were all standing around (at least many of them) talking and reminiscing. People lingered as though they didn’t want to leave. It was very peaceful on that hill. I’m sure for many of them it felt like a respite from the weeks before.

This lady was one of the first Christians I ever got to watch live their lives. Now, I understand that no one's perfect, but she really was a great encouragement to me. She cared about me even as a teenager. While I wasn't a blood relative, I felt like I was included in family things as much as any of the family. She was pretty opinionated, yet was willing to try to answer my questions. She was an example of faithfulness that I follow to this day. I'm thankful for her willingness to walk daily with the Lord. I pray that I might be seen as such a one in my later years.

Ruth, I trust that you are enjoying the choirs of Heaven! You are probably enjoying the music in ways you couldn't have even imagined! We'll miss you this Christmas amist the celebrations for sure! I am sure that you are enjoying being in the presence of the Lord!

Signs of Change

"Be exalted, O God above the heavens, and Your glory above all the earth." Ps 108:5

God left this one evening for my daughter to catch with her camera. There's just so much to consider when looking at this picture. You might have a variety of thoughts, but I was drawn to the highlighted green leafed limb at the right side of the picture. The "former things" are dark. The "present" is highlighted and green. The "future" is in the graduation of colors from light yellow to the deep orange fading into the night time blue.

The awesomeness of the glory of God stirs me at all levels - from past, through the present and on into the future. How good our God is to display His glory for our eyes to see!

Does Silence Mean No Activity?

Sometimes I feel like that answer is a resounding "yes"!

I really do know better though. Do I really believe that God is at work on my behalf? I better be saying "yes". At least that's the correct answer. Waiting doesn't necessarily mean silence, but it seems that silence is where I am living at the moment.

I guess in my thoughts, I'd think that discussion, brainstorming, praying, fellowshipping as well as hearing the heart and passion of those committed to a group would help in the "hearing" of God's heart. It feels like having too many "opinions" is a threat.

Is that idea of "let's not talk about this" really helpful? Maybe it's just the way I process things. I find creativity in brainstorming. I find passions unfold in discussion. I bristle when someone says, "Let's just pray about it and not talk". I guess I am presupposing that mature leadership isn't going to be gossipping, so what's the problem with hashing things out?

Oh how unspiritual it IS to consider brainstorming ahead of praying! Is that really what I'm expressing? I don't think so. "Pray without ceasing" surely is the underlying foundation, isn't it? When people come together for brainstorming, shouldn't they have already spent time listening to God for revelation? Isn't the brainstorming just how to get the revelation from the abstract to the concrete? I've even wondered if one person can have all the revelation. It seems that God gives variety in giftings, maturity and passions.

The silence screams at me sometimes. So many wonderful possibilities . . . so little action. The prophets say something is up. What do we do in the meantime? Just wait for it to happen? I guess waiting is this discipline that is better grown in the atmosphere of silence. I'm not sure which is harder 1) having the vision and not the release to move or 2) silence with no sense of activity.

Yes . . . I think I'd go nuts if I didn't think God was at work on our behalf.

Waiting for the Smoke Signals

Do these look like smoke signals to you? No? I was just looking at my photo albums and this one caught my eye. Sometimes it's just hard to see what' s coming. If you were facing this cliff what would come to your mind?

I've often wondered how the early settlers felt coming into this area called the Colorado National Monument. There are some great stories of survival and settlement in the Grand Valley where I live. People face cliffs in various ways. Sometimes, they go around the cliff. Sometimes, they just crawl over the cliff. Sometimes, they sit and look at the cliff . . . and wonder . . .

Wondering what's on the other side of the cliff is surely a treacherous sort of thing. The waiting can be terrible. Some people are better at waiting. Some are not so good at waiting. I guess it's really just how much pain you want to inflict upon yourself in the waiting. Somehow, I find waiting a very painful thing. Can't I just shout "grace" to that mountain and it be removed? (Zech. 4:7) My advisors say "no"! Tossing in the towel isn't allowed either, I guess.

Something Different is Happening

This past weekend I was away at a retreat in Aspen, Colorado. It was such a lovely locale. The smells of Fall were in the air and the crispness of the morning temperature reminded me that I have wood splitting and stacking to do when I got home.

I'm back home now. School is going strong. Work is gearing up for the holidays. Christmas trees went on sale at my store this week. Things are very much the norm in this season, yet there is something different happening.

There is a huge change ahead of me. While I've been praying for many many weeks, I still don't have the pieces of information that will, at least in part, bring extreme change to my life. There's something exhilerating about the thought of change. (If this were a change in the messiness of my garage, I'm not sure I'd be all that excited.) Something different is happening.

As a general rule, I'm not all that thrilled with not knowing what's going on. When God is involved though, there is this mystique and intrigue that nags at my heart and spirit. I've been taught through the years that either I make things happen or "things will happen to me". With that philosophy coursing through my veins, the thought of waiting on God doesn't feel all that safe - or at least it hasn't in the past. Yet . . . something different is happening.

What mattered to me in my ministry seems to be taking a back seat these days to the thought of just hearing the Lord's heart for this fresh new day. Yes, what I've worked for over these years really is finding it's place in the archives of my history. Yes, what I thought would be my legacy to future generations is being cataloged as "how you always did it". But . . . something different is happening.

"The way I've done it in the past" feels like those weathered pages in an old memory album. I've called my repetitive actions "the same old, same old". Sure, I can joy in the things that God has done and the people He has touched through efforts I've created and implemented. Lives have changed and hearts were affected for eternity. But . . . something different is happening.

So, in these days of sameness in the season, there is a deep "something" happening. I believe I will be forever changed because of it. I believe it will impact how I create and implement for the Kingdom of God. I see an open door. Something different is happening . . .

Fall in Aspen

I'm sitting in the dark at the moment writing from a community computer at the Inn at Aspen in Aspen, Colorado. I'm here for a Women's Retreat. The first night in a strange bed was . . . well . . . the first night!

I'm leading worship at this retreat. I was so thankful that all the technical stuff seemed to work and things flowed smoothly. Singing at 9,000 ft is interesting. My breathe was left about 40 miles down the road!

I'm about to spend a day in sessions and enjoying the lovely locale of Aspen, Colorado. I'm looking forward to what God is up to. Something is different this year, but I really don't want to try to speculate why.

I need to go pick songs for two sessions today. My eyes feel like little burnt places. I'm looking forward to that bed being more friendly to me tonight!

About to Emerge

A friend of mine took this picture during one her her kids' science projects. We all know the story of emerging butterflies. At this moment I can't find it, but I did a blog many months ago around what happens when a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. One fact I didn't pick up was that once the butterfly comes to this stage in it's development, it has 3 days to emerge. Just the significance of 3 days is mind boggling to me!

I do see the timeliness of coming into the new place. If the butterfly doesn't come on out into the new place, it is (as my friend said) a "goner". I am just beginning to think on this process.

If anyone has info to add, sites to recommend or thoughts to interject . . . bring 'em on! I don't have time to jump into a discussion at the moment (I have to get to work).

Wind from His Storehouses

"He causes the clouds to rise over the earth. He sends the lightning with the rain and releases the wind from his storehouses." Ps 135:5

This morning I worshipped and prayed with a group of intercessors on a mountain overlooking our huge valley. I found myself shouting the praises of God. I was shouting His awesome Name, His mighty works and His precious promises. It felt like His wind pouring through me. I chuckled wondering if anybody watching from the houses below might wonder at what spectacle was happening above them. (I did find out that these intercessors have been quizzed on that before!)

Probably the most amazing event of the morning (6:30am - 8:00am) was watching the rain sweep across the valley. The thunder and lightening accompanied it so majestically. We didn't get rain where we were, but at the end as I was reading the Ps 135:5 verse, the wind started to blow on us. It felt like God was saying "this is the wind from My storehouse for you".

I'm sure there were many other profound moments for those there, but as the lightening flashed, the thunder sounded and the wind blew, something woke in me of the Presence of God being right there in that time. It was a God moment.

52 Days Have Past . . .

. . . and where am I?

. . . in a greater expectation for God to show up in my every day life!

"This is a time of letting the wind blow things out of your hands. This is a time of letting the wind blow in that which you must grab hold of. In times past, you would have loved to direct the wind in a way that it would blow certain things into your hands for your keeping. But this is a time that the wind is blowing and blowing loose. Let the blowing loose and the blowing away occur so that I can blow in what you need. I will sustain you. Don’t worry about your future. I will sustain you. But let Me blow loose what needs to be blown loose and let Me blow in what needs to be replaced." (52 Days prophetic word)

I'm supposedly through with this prayer and bible reading time. I am FAR from being done though. This has been an interesting time. I thought these 52 days would drag out, but here I am . . . done. I don't think I connected with everything that was intended, but I do know there have been incredible changes, not only in me personally, but in my sphere of influence.

We have had a major catastrophe in the southern United States that affects the whole country. Hurricane Katrina has left her strong imprint on my country. She has touched me emotionally, financially and socially. I am still working out how to live daily in the wake of her influence on my life.

My church family is in a major change mode. We have a month before we know what changes await us - a new pastor. The truth is that we really don't know if even then there will be a decision. It provides great opportunity for prayers to be made on behalf of who God would send to this congregation to pastor.

Then I have to ask if I am still connected to this congregation? I am continuing to read Leonard Sweet's book which is shaking my thinking about how to do "church" in the day we live in. The whole book is about how relationships thread through everything we encounter in life. Relationship is the key to knowing God. It's the key to fulfilled life on earth. It's the platform from which I can story the gospel. But . . .WHY is relationship so hard?? It's not that neat clean pulpit vs pew interaction. It takes work and time. Both of those things drain the life out of a person sometimes! I am coming to learn though, that the deep places that God calls out to in us can only be opened in the community of relationship. Communing with God is a community - God and me. At every level of my life it's about that relationship in and around community. So, how can I just leave a community - the one I call my church?

Maybe the relationships I have are still "community" because we are all a part of the body of Christ. (Listen . . . at this point, I'm asking questions and have no clue of the answers or who might - well . . . ok . . . God does.) Again, the history of my prodigal heart reveals the wasted extravagance of friendships I severed when someone decided they weren't attending my exclusive "community" called "church". It's been hard to look them in the face in the years following. These days though, they seem much more receiving of me and I of them. They wonder what I'm up to when I show up in unexpected places. Their first thought is "what are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

Yeah . . . I've been wrong. Just like Hurricane Katrina blew to smotherines everything in it's path, I am hearing that the Spirit of God wants to blow on me. "Let the blowing loose and blowing away occur so I can blow in you what you need. I will sustain you." I think it's time to hold the traditions just a little looser for the Spirit of God to blow the dead out and blow the new in. I see those images of the whole foundations blown out from under houses. Some houses stood, some collasped. His promise is that He will sustain me. My faith journey is leading me to risk the chance that the "blowing in" will be a continuation of the full destiny God has for me.